It's Just One Night
by ClairyBearyBaby
Summary: Set after "I do." She told herself many things. It was just one night. It's not love. That's what Santana told herself one night after she found herself alone at a bar in New York, where she made a new friend. A new friend and a new life in a new city would lead to a whole lot of new things she hadn't quite planned for. Will Quinn become part of her new life, or remain in her past?
1. Bar hopping

_**Disclaimer: **I do not own Glee or any of the main characters in this story. I do not profit from this writing. The only thing I own is my own writing, and original characters. Yada, yada, yada...  
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_**A/N:** This story is set after the 4x14 episode "I do" but takes on its own little world. :)  
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_**Rated** **M **for language, some violence, and yes, smut._

_It's a work in progress so **please** let me know what you think! I'd **really** appreciate your feedback on this developing story! Share the love.  
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_Thank you in advance for your support of this story! Your reviews mean the world to me and I read everything I receive.  
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_I promise to update as often as I can; this story isn't even halfway completed yet, so we have a lot to look forward to!  
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_If you're wondering, the character **Jess** looks like **Rachel McAdams** with blonde hair._

* * *

This is fucking ridiculous. I'm sitting here at a scuzzy bar on a Friday night getting hit on by this gorgeous girl, and I'm not doing a _damn_ thing about it. What the hell is wrong with me? This isn't Santana Lopez. The Santana_ I_ know would be all up on that girl. Hell, I'm dressed to kill and found myself here alone tonight for a good reason. Rachel and Kurt went out to see some god awful revival of "Fiddler on the Roof," and as much as the offer to join them absolutely thrilled me,

_Like fucking hell…_

I passed, and figured I'd get my groove on and swipe me a hot bitch. Now I find myself sitting here in this skin tight red dress, hair slightly curled breaking _flawlessly_ against my shoulders, and I can't even make a move. I'm driving this car at full speed, only to hit a yellow light, and instead of flooring it and going through, I slam on the breaks. What the hell Santana? Get your shit together...

"You're killing it in that dress."

It couldn't be, _could it_?

_What are the chances anyone else would use that line on me?_

I immediately froze when I heard those six words that ringed with a sense of familiarity in my ears. I turned to my left and saw the tall blonde standing next to me at the bar as she threw back a shot. A small smile began to grace my lips until I saw a face I didn't recognize. It wasn't the face I was thinking of for the brief second before I met her gaze. The voice was all wrong too. Stop that... Would anyone ever be good enough for you?

_Yes._

The girl standing next to me was gorgeous, no doubt. She had on a little black dress that did wonders for her curves and she had beautiful fluid steel blue eyes. I wasn't quite sure how to respond to her or if I even wanted to. I could feel her eyes piercing me from my left side. She was eying my body up and down and I could feel her undressing me with those eyes. I found myself staring into my margarita as I slumped further into the counter and my bar stool. I clutched the edge of the counter and smacked my head onto the surface before breathing into the cold mahogany and taking the scent in. Breathe Santana, pull yourself together. You can do this. For some reason my heart had sunk into my stomach when my eyes had met the blondes, and instead of going for it, I checked out. The worst part was I didn't even know why. My head was still against the bar and I was trying to talk myself into something that should have come so easily. It should have, right?

"You sure do play hard to get." I heard the blonde next to me say as she let out an enormous laugh that wasn't extremely attractive compared to the way she looked.

I shook my head on the counter before lifting my head up and meeting the girl's eyes. I'm sure I could think of a witty remark… but, nothing. Santana Lopez was out of ammo. Why was this happening to me? The bitch was hot and clearly wanted a piece of this fine ass. I mean, I haven't gotten any lady loving in like seven weeks. Not since…

_Oh._

And then it clicked.

_Fuck. Right, Quinn. _

"I'll take another shot for myself and another margarita for my friend…?" The blonde was speaking to the bartender but looking right at me. Her questioning tone and glare broke my thought process. Name, she wanted to know my name. I could manage that much.

"Santana…" I exhaled in a rough tone. Realizing my mouth had gone dry, I finished what was left of my drink before slamming it back down only for it to be replaced by another. I wasn't being very charming. I had to do something hot, soon, or this girl was going to leave.

"Thanks…" That was all I could get out in response to the blonde for the drink.

"The name is Jess …Santana. Yours is very pretty by the way." She said in a purposefully seductive tone. She was looking at me again, like a piece of eye candy.

I smirked at the girls clear attempts and only nodded in reply. I took several sips of my drink and finished it rather quickly. God, I needed to get drunk tonight. The girl had decided to sit down on the stool next to me. I'm sure standing on her stilettos wasn't too comfortable. She was trying _so_ hard. She didn't look very comfortable, however attractive she may be. We sat in silence for the better part of a minute. I would occasionally find her staring at me but I failed to return the gesture. After I finished my margarita, I decided to do something; I grabbed the lime wedge from my drink and placed it up against my lips suggestively as my tongue slowly crept out and began to lick the edges before I sucked it dry. I then decided to let my eyes drift to the blonde as I winked. Fucking right, Santana, that's how it's done. She seemed nervous and shy now in contrast to the forward girl that was there not minutes before. She was blushing and didn't look at me until I put the lime into my empty glass. I raised an eyebrow to her in question. She exhaled and let out a light chuckle before she spoke.

* * *

"I'm sorry. It's just... just that I'm new to this whole deal." She looked down at the counter as insecurity colored blush spread across her features. "Well, women that is. It's not that I don't…" She let out another exhale and paused for a moment before she spoke again, taking back another shot of her whiskey before she mustered up the courage to speak again. "I broke up with my fiance two weeks ago and it's just sort of something I've always known I wanted, I guess." Oh, there's the hitch. Yet this girl was pouring her heart out to me. She didn't have to open up and tell me, a complete stranger, any of this, these personal details. Clearly a novice, I knew it. I listened intently nonetheless. Maybe I could help her in some way even If I didn't get any lady loving tonight.

"I … I walked in on him and my roommate in our bed, and, well, I just lost it. And you know what the worst part of it was?" She looked at me as if I was her fucking therapist or a lifelong friend. "I wasn't even upset with him. I just told them to get their shit together and get the hell out. I guess I didn't really love him or it wouldn't have seemed so easy, y'know? I was more upset about her, my roommate. How fucked up is that? I think I… I. I bitched _her_ out and I slapped _her_. In that moment the feelings crept up and those feelings weren't directed towards _him_. But towards… God, it was ugly." She took a deep inhale as she finished and looked across the bar at the wall as a tear left her right eye and fled down her cheek.

"Oh." was all I managed to get out after all she had put out there. I reached my left hand up to her cheek and wiped away her stray tear and gave her a warm reassuring smile. She giggled.

"Thanks, they say this stuff is truth serum. I'm sorry. I'm not usually like this. You just seemed like, I don't know. Someone I could talk to. I'm sorry I-" I interrupted her before she could finish.

"No, it's okay. Don't be sorry. Fuck them, okay. Jess?" She looked up at me as I shot a questioning brow at her until she acknowledged me. She nodded. She was now entering a self-loathing state I've known from personal experience and I hated seeing anyone else feeling like that. Mother Lopez had decided to creep out and as much as I hated letting out that soft Latina inside I had to let this girl know it was going to be okay. I wasn't sure what to say because I barely knew this girl or how she worked, and I didn't want to say anything to make her upset.

"Hey. Give me their information and this Latina will make sure their punk asses are incapable of ever doing the dirty _ever _again." There was that obnoxious laugh again. Although this time I was glad to hear it. I saw a little bit of that confidence creep back into the girl, after my joke, well it was partially a joke. The mood seemed to lighten up a bit and after a while it seemed as though I was talking with an old friend. We chatted for a good hour as she told me more of her story. She's not native to New York either and we discovered we have a lot in common. She even mentioned she was on her cheer squad back in high school but wasn't quite as talented as I; she had admitted defeat after I told her about the cheerios. She had moved with her roommate, now ex-roommate, a few years back and is attending the New York University School of Medicine where she had met her now ex-fiance. She told me this was her graduating year and that she was also looking for a new roommate, without _those_ feelings she jokingly added. I politely told her that I was happy with my current living arrangements but joked that if things ever changed I'd be sure to look her up. I was surprised how relaxed I felt chatting with this beautiful girl without feeling any sexual feelings creep up. I'm sure the feelings were mutual by this point in our conversation.

It felt as though I had finally made a real and actual friend in New York other than Rachel and Kurt. No offense to those two, but it's nice getting to know someone who actually understands me and I can just be myself around. She saw past my bullshit as we talked and her remarks were just as brash and awesome as mine. Damn if this girl couldn't give me a run for my money in the HBIC department. I liked it though; it wasn't like we were trying to knock each other down or compete. It was all in good fun. She got me. I haven't laughed this much in weeks. I could picture myself walking the halls of McKinley with her and parting the halls like I had so many times with the wrath that was the unholy trinity. God, in that moment I felt a surge as I thought about Brittany and Quinn. Both those relationships were left tainted and unresolved in a way. I felt nostalgia and a wave of sadness creep up on me and I'm sure it must have showed because Jess got off of her stool and gave me a long friendly hug without any hesitation or qualms. Like a true friend. God, I missed those two. So, _so_ much

In that moment I wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or the emotions but I began to feel my eyes burn and twinge as a waterfall began to release. I heard my own sobs break out as the blonde squeezed me tighter in the embrace. I could see their faces. The last looks we gave each other. I was becoming numb to the loss of Brittany but when I saw visions of Quinn I flat out lost it. I recalled the satisfied look on her face as she winked at me and left the hotel room that morning after we made it a "two time thing." There were so many things we didn't dare discuss after that evening. We treated it like it was a normal thing and no big deal that two former best friends had just fucked and spent the evening in bed together. She hadn't messaged me since that night and I didn't dare contact her. I wasn't sure what to say to her after that. What could I say? Did I dare bring it up? Did I pretend like nothing happened? She didn't contact me and it became an awkward unspoken thing between us since then. Come to think of it there was no speaking, period. She had spoken to Rachel several times since then and even mentioned coming to visit New York in the future but she never mentioned me. Rachel would put her phone on speaker when Quinn called her and I would just sit there like an idiot and listen quietly and a little too curiously. I hadn't realized how much it had been bothering me or why. Hell, I still don't quite understand the why part and I'm not sure I want to.

"Shhhh… it's okay. It's okay. Everything is going to be okay. Shhhh…" She held me there for a few minutes until I had managed to pull my shit together. Well, taking short jerky breaths and coming back to reality was more together than the mess I was just moments ago. I pulled away from her embrace and sat back fully into the bar-stool.

"We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, but if you _do_ want to talk about it, I can listen. Hey, I owe you something for the pathetic soap opera of my life I bothered you with tonight." She said in a calm tone that seemed to relax me. I looked up and she had a smirk on her face. I couldn't help but match it. Once again, this girl got me. It made it easier for me to open up without the pressure. Maybe it was easier because she didn't know anyone from my past or because she seemed to be on a similar level with me in the emotions department. I could see part of myself in this girl, and no, not in that way. I didn't feel the need to have my walls up around her for defense, and it was a nice change.

"Thanks Jess. I'm just not sure I really understand_ it_ right now myself." I said in a shaky low tone as I pulled a mirror out of my purse and tried to fix the mess I had made of myself.

She looked at me for a moment and reached her hand out to put down my mirror as I was fixing my hair before she spoke.

"Could this by any chance have anything to do with you slamming your head into the bar earlier when I was making a sad attempt of hitting on you and you were trying to ignore me?" Shit... This girl was fucking good. I couldn't hide it from her as she apparently saw right through me. I nodded in response and shrugged before I finished fixing myself. I'm sure I still looked like shit. I sure did feel like it after everything I had just felt that I wanted to suppress with more alcohol and not have to think about.

"I see. Well you kinda lost it there before. I don't know what it's about, but since you were turning down the sexiest girl in this bar's advances to grovel in it, I'm guessing it's about a girl?" She said ending in a questioning tone.

"Like hell you are, have you taken a look at me Jess?" I said to her jokingly in response to her comment as I flipped my hair and winked.

"First of all, you look like _shit_ after the waterworks. Second, is that really all you got out of what I just said?" she said and we both laughed in response. I shook my head in defeat. That's a remark totally worthy of Santana Lopez. This girl is now my new best friend. She knew how to put me in my place.

"Touché… and yes it's about a girl. And if we're getting technical here, it's about two girls actually." I said in response as I put away my mirror and checked my phone, only to find 4 missed calls, and 3 text messages, and all of them from Rachel. I'm out having a good time. Well, minus the crying. Figures Barbra Streisand would rain on my parade. This better be good.

"Well slut, give me their information and I'll make sure they never..." Jess started laughing as she was re-stating the comment I had made earlier in response to her situation. I smiled at her and let out a chuckle. Just as I was about to respond to her, my phone's message tone had gone off. It was yet another message from Rachel, ugh. Am I even allowed to spend an evening out without the fairy godmothers checking in on me?

**Seriously Santana! It's getting late and Kurt and I are worried sick about you! Please call me back and let us know if you're not coming home tonight. We'd like too actually head to bed soon if that's alright with you.**

What's the big deal? It's not that late, why are they getting their panties in a bunch? I then checked the time on my phone. Oh shit. It's 2:46am. Oops. I must have lost track of time at some point. I sent a text back to Rachel to reassure her I'd be coming home.

**Sorry. Lost track of time. Don't worry. Heading home soon. **

Jess gave me a questioning look as I was lost in my phone.

"My roommates were just wondering where I was, and I didn't realize it was so late. I should get going, I told them I'd be home soon."

"Yeah, it's alright, I didn't realize quite how late it was either. I should be heading home too. I honestly really enjoyed meeting and getting to know you tonight. It's nice to have _real_ friends here in New York... so many fake bitches. It's nice to know a real one." She gave me a big smile at the end of her comment.

"You better give me your phone number so you can bitch to me about your girl problems and we can do this again." She motioned for my phone and I gladly obliged and passed it to her before tipping the bartender. All of a sudden she pulled me close to her and before I could realize what she was doing she took a picture.

"There you go, a picture of you and your new best friend Jess for the contact info" she said as she passed me back my phone. I laughed at the picture as I looked at the new contact on my phone.

"God, I really do look like shit." I laughed as I got off the stool and gave Jess a hug.

"Thanks for tonight. I'll message you sometime this week and maybe you can meet my crazy roommates, and we can hang out or something." Not wanting to make this a long awkward goodbye, she nodded and we said our goodbyes before I headed out the bar and hailed a taxi. Thank god for New York. The taxi smelled like hobo piss, but I planned on taking a shower when I got home anyways.

* * *

As the taxi was heading to our apartment I looked in my phone at the picture of me and Jess and let a goofy smile onto my face. I was truly happy to make a new friend. So much had changed and everyone I knew was from my old life back in Lima, even though I was in a new city. It was nice to get to know someone new and start fresh. So much of my past was already haunting me.

Speaking of the devil, as I flipped through the pictures in my phone I stumbled across a picture of Brittany and let out a sigh. Not going there now. I've shed enough tears tonight. I then went through more photos until I stopped when I found one of me and Quinn together that night at the wedding that wasn't. It was of me and her sitting at the alter before the wedding, didn't happen.

_Ugh._

I stared at the picture. Why was my heart sinking into my stomach at that picture? We both looked flawless, especially Quinn. We both looked so naive in this picture as to where the night was leading.

_Or were we?_

Maybe I didn't want to know the answer to that question. I stared at the picture and kept my eyes focused on Quinn's eyes and dorky smile for what seemed like a few seconds. I must have lost track of time because I broke my focus when I felt the taxi stop and the driver was looking at me, waiting.

_Oh…_

I must have been staring at that picture for several minutes. That's normal, right? I paid the driver for the taxi fare and stepped out onto the concrete sidewalk. I looked down at my phone one more time. Fuck. I can't do this to myself. It meant nothing, Santana. It was just one stupid night. I should just delete the _stupid_ photo and forget about that night. That's what I _should_ do. That's what I _could_ do. Or I could be a stupid fucking idiot and make that picture the background image on my phone so I could see that smile every time I look at it. I wouldn't do that though. Not at all…

Before I opened the door to our apartment, I locked my phone, only to unlock it and see the home screen, and of course _her_ smile. Yup, something is definitely wrong with me. Either this is some sick masochistic kind of torture, or I miss her more than I'll admit. Ugh. I'm just going to go to bed and not think about this right now.


	2. I did this to myself

"Sunrise, Sunset. Sunrise, Sunset!" I could hear faint voices in the distance as I peeled open one of my eyes only before I forced it back shut at the protruding light that disapprovingly welcomed itself. I huffed and grumbled some slush of Spanish profanity in irritation. What time is it? Why does my stomach feel like I ate thirty sticks of butter last night followed by battery acid? Did I _really_ drink that much? I realized my head was swimming just as badly as I painfully became more aware of my body and the awkward position I had fallen asleep in.

"Sunrise, Sunset. Sunrise, Sunset!" There were those voices again. Only this time they came swooping in at full volume like I was at some kosher rock concert. I recognized the voices this time. It was Yentl and Lady Hummel. What the fuck!? I looked to my right at the clock on my bedside table. It's 8:20am. You've got to be kidding me. Why would they be up this early on a Saturday morning? I could hear them chiming the lyrics over and over just on the other side of the curtains to my makeshift room. It was like I had died and woke up in Jewish musical hell.

_Oh. Hell. No._

"Estás muerto!" I yelled aggressively as the words began to reverberate in my own head like an empty cathedral with high vaulted ceilings before I had even finished. I scrunched my face up and placed my palm on my forehead in attempt to reduce the echoing, but to no avail.

"Stop singing or I'm going to come out there and rip out your pretty little vocal chords!" I yelled in a stern and unrelenting tone.

I tilted my head slightly forward and listened challengingly for a response just for a moment before it became silent. Good. They should know better than singing like that at this hour of the morning, or ever for that matter. I could hear them giggling now. I swear if I hear them sing again I'm going to fly out of this bed and do some serious damage. I didn't have patience. I bet this was revenge for me coming in so late last night to. Oh, I could cut a bitch. I was too tired though and felt like I got hit by a train and then scraped off the tracks. I decided to go back to sleep for a while, or at least attempt to.

* * *

I threw the curtain back and made an overly dramatic exit out of my room by storming out to the kitchen sink to get myself a cup of water from the tap. I was extremely thirsty. It turns out I had slept in past noon, which wasn't unusual for me the past couple of weeks. I had fallen into a rut trying to figure out what I was going to do with my life now that I was here in New York with Rachel and Kurt. They kept themselves busy with NYADA and their own schedules on most days. However, they did make an active effort to include me in as much as they could so I didn't get lonely. I had to give them credit for that. On the days that I didn't have an interview I would sleep in, hang around the apartment like a loser, or wander the city aimlessly.

I took a sip from the mug of water I was holding as I looked out the window to the street below. My head had stopped the marching band orchestra it was conducting earlier, but my stomach was still uneasy. As I took another sip of water I felt a pain begin to shoot up my right side. I let out a desperate grunt as I keeled over and closed my eyes, pressing my hand hard against the side of my abdomen where the pain was throbbing.

"Did Oscar the Grouch wake up on the right side of the bed this time?" I turned my head narrowing my eyes to find Kurt sitting on the couch reading a Vogue magazine.

A loud breathy moan that sounded more pain stricken than anything else had escaped uncontrollably from my mouth in response. I was in too much pain to conjure up any words. Kurt lifted his head and his eyes widened in apprehension as he saw me hunched over. He put down his magazine frantically and ran over to me before resting his right arm around my waist and supporting my weight as I slowly stood up and leaned into him. I winced at the new position and dropped the mug I was holding as I unintentionally loosened my grip. It crashed down and shattered onto the floor. We were both startled by the sound and jumped in response. When I did that it had created more pain on my side, just what I needed. I sighed and leaned away from Kurt to my right squeezing my face and biting down on my lip as I felt a sharp pain jolt down my side. Kurt pulled me into his side even tighter once again supporting some of my weight, careful to keep his hand from pressing into the area where the obvious pain was radiating.

"Alright, we're taking you to the bathroom and getting you some pain killers _right_ now." Kurt stated in a very masculine and demanding tone that I wasn't used to hearing from him. I nodded and my lip slightly curled at my thoughts. Maybe he was the kind that was on top, contrary to popular belief. I thought this to myself and wanted to make a joke. But now was no time for my crude sense of humor to pop its ugly head out. Kurt held me as we hobbled over towards the bathroom. I made sure to not step in the white ceramic shards on the ground as we walked, especially since I was walking on my bare feet. The mug had shattered across the entire kitchen floor into tiny little pieces.

_Damn._

"Don't worry; I'll clean that up once we get you taken care of." Kurt looked at me as he saw the concern in my eyes. I was thankful Kurt was being so attentive to me right now. I'd be lying if I said I never needed anyone's help, despite the tough and independent façade I would usually put up. Kurt knew better. I almost felt sorry about being such a bitch earlier this morning.

_Almost._

I looked around, still partially hunched over as we neared the entrance to the bathroom. A confused look swept across my face in spite of the pain that was now dwindling with my movement. I turned my head to face Kurt as he motioned for me to sit on the toilet and I gladly obliged.

"Where's Rachel?" I furrowed by brow and asked him as he began rummaging through the pill bottles in the medicine cabinet. He didn't answer me right away. I felt the pain dissipate slightly and straightened my back out against the makeshift seat. I ran my fingers through my hair, of which I'm sure was utter chaos right now similar to the way my "morning" was playing out.

"Ah, there you are," Kurt shut the cabinet door and stepped over to me dropping to his knees on the floor in front of me and shaking two pills out of the bottle into his hand. "…this should do the trick! Take two of these babies." Kurt handed me the pills and got up to fill one of the small plastic cups we kept by the sink for rinsing before handing it over to me. I popped the two pills into my mouth before even questioning what they were.

"Bottoms up! Give those a half an hour to kick in. Oh, and you might want to get some food in that stomach of yours. I'd hate to have to clean up your vomit on top of that mug in the kitchen." Kurt placed his hands on his hips and smiled at me before he continued "Rachel should be back soon with our lunch. She headed out to _Costello's_ to pick us up something just before you got up." I nodded at Kurt and stood up to get a better look at myself in the mirror.

"Thanks Kurt. I'm already feeling a little better actually. I would feel even better though if you disappeared so I could take a shower. If Rachel gets here with lunch before I'm out, tell her I won't be too long, okay?"

"Alright... Well try not to have another seizure or whatever that was while you're in here. Just so you know, if you break that," He swayed his body and motioned at the tub "…I'm _not_ cleaning it. If you need anything I'll be out in the kitchen, cleaning up… _your mess_." Kurt walked just outside the door before glaring at me playfully. "Thanks Kurt. Do you think there's any chance you can glue Rachel's mug back together so she doesn't kill _you_ for breaking it?" I shot him a smug look at the accusation. I knew the obvious answer to that question, there was no way in hell that what was left of Rachel's NYADA mug was even remotely repairable at this point. Kurt let out a sarcastic laugh as he left my view and went into the kitchen.

* * *

"What smells so good in here!?" I could hear Rachel shout as I opened the bathroom door and walked out barely covered by a white towel. Of course it was me that smelled good. Damn I smelled fine; my usual scent of cinnamon and raspberries after I finished my primping ritual. It appeared that Kurt had cleared up the shattered mug and no one would be the wiser. Rachel was facing me and Kurt was standing just behind her. He smiled at me knowingly and motioned his body and gaze towards the trash can in the kitchen and then made a goofy face at Rachel. I followed his gaze and then let out a laugh before looking back to Rachel.

Rachel jumped up and squealed before she ran over and took me into a tight and uncomfortable embrace, completely disregarding that I was barely covered. I reached up to make sure my towel stayed up. Not wanting to make this hug anymore awkward than she already had. She pulled away and seemed to look even more excited and giddy than her usual self. I wasn't quite ready for her overly hyper aura, but it certainly made me feel a little less gloomy about the start of my day.

"Hurry up and get dressed and then come out to eat with us! I've got lots to tell you!" She grabbed my wrist and shook it in excitement before running back to the kitchen and sitting at the table with a big smile on her face as she began pulling food out of a brown paper bag with Kurt.

* * *

When I returned to sit down Rachel was looking at me with that obnoxious grin again. Her elbows were resting on the table and she was leaning her jaw onto her interlocked fingers. She pushed some pastries towards me along with an iced coffee and I _gladly_ dug in. I was starving. Kurt seemed to be missing. I looked around only to find him on the phone on the opposite side of the room. From the sounds of it he was talking to Adam and deep in a conversation.

"So..." The brunette said nonchalantly as though she was going to say something else, but was then waiting for me to respond, still grinning.

I shot out my response. "What…" stilling my face and becoming impatient for her to speak up. I loved Rachel but she could be so fucking annoying sometimes. I was also in a bitchy mood today and I'm sure she could sense that. You didn't have to be a fucking genius to notice my mood swings. It could be because I didn't sleep all that well last night, or because of the unexpected pain I had woken up to.

It could also be the fact that I tossed and turned for hours before falling asleep last night. I had crawled into bed and couldn't stop thinking about a particular blonde in New Haven. I had held my phone up by my side under the covers and kept glancing down at her picture. That was such an obviously horrible idea. The only good thing about last night was Jess. I suppose I could tell Rachel about my new friend and try to relax a bit. Before I opened my mouth to tell her about my night at the bar, she spoke again.

"So… Guess who I spoke to today!?" She had that grin again and sounded extremely enthusiastic about what ever information she was about to reveal to me.

"Who?" I asked in a level tone, trying to not sound like a bitch any more than I already had today.

"Quinn!" Rachel said ecstatically as she grabbed her phone from the table and shook it in front of me.

_Fuck._

I choked on my sip of coffee as I was mid-sip when she said her name. I shakily put down my drink and reached my hand up to cover my mouth as I let out a few coughs. I'm sure my face was tinted red as I tried to gain my composure in light of the news. What the hell Santana, subtlety, obviously not your strong suit. Rachel was looking at me slightly confused, but she shook it off and continued nonetheless. I was gritting my teeth at this point and latched onto the table for fear of flying away.

"She called me while I was out getting lunch. We talked for quite a while actually, that's why I was late getting back here. I'm sorry about that. Oh, and Kurt told me about my mug! You _will _be replacing that." She widened her eyes and raised her eyebrows at me as she finished in a more serious tone. She knew about that little incident. All part of having roommates I guess.

I cleared my throat nervously, and looked away from her before looking back once she was smiling, yet again.

"Sorry…" I mumbled under my breath and shifted my eyes, clearly not sorry.

"Yeah, well you might want to cut back on the drinking Santana." Rachel giggled after a pause. She wasn't upset with me. If anything she sounded slightly concerned.

_Thanks Kurt. _

_Way to be…_

"What did _Quinn_ have to say?" Did I really just ask that? Who said that? That's the first time I've said her name out loud in I can't even remember how long. It was almost painful to say it. That name used to flow out so easily, now it cut like knives against my lips as it escaped. It felt like I was talking about a deceased family member. I know I thought about her often, but somehow it felt different hearing myself say her name. Like a personal confession. I felt defeated in that moment. It was real now. Her name carried a different weight than it used to.

I leaned forward into the table anxiously anticipating Rachel's response. I was trying hard to hide my curiosity and doing a pathetic job of it. My concentration was hanging on Rachel's every word at this point. I had shut out the noise from the city streets below, the sound of Kurt on his phone, and anything other than the sound of Rachel's voice as she responded.

"Well..., we talked about the usual stuff, like school and exams. She's been really busy at Yale. We talked about the situation with my false pregnancy and the Brody thing. I told her that you were an absolute god send and that I couldn't have gotten through any of it without you. Really, I couldn't have, Santana." Rachel reached out to grab my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as she smiled at me. I gave her a genuine smile in response and winked at her.

"Hey, at least now you won't doubt my psychic abilities. That man-whore didn't know who he was messing with... So, what did she have to say about it? Did she say anything about …_me_?" I looked down at the table and sighed, wishing I hadn't just asked that question. It was too late though. Those words were already out in the air and being processed by the brunette. Rachel had already begun answering. I slightly cringed as if what she was going to say could somehow inflict bodily harm to me.

"Actually, yeah, she did. She asked how you were doing and we talked about you for a few minutes. She was really curious about what you were up to here. She sounded really sad when we talked about you too," Rachel paused and shot me a glare as if I had done something wrong. "..She said she hasn't heard from you in a long time Santana." Rachel looked at me as if waiting for a response. I just shrugged. Had Quinn been thinking about me during the past seven weeks? Did I do something wrong? Should I have contacted her? I'm an idiot, clearly. My body was going numb at the thought of Quinn being upset with me and whatever she must have been thinking about me. I so desperately wished I could have heard her voice when she was speaking to Rachel and discussing me. Hell, I would have swooned as she simply spoke my name. How did she say it? I wanted to hear her voice so badly. I missed her. I'll admit it. I missed the sound of her voice, her light and tender touches, those hazel eyes. The revealing and sexy face she made when she…

_Wow._

_Stop it._

"I haven't heard from her either, Rach..." I said in defense. Rachel nodded in reply. Of course she knew that. This was the first time Quinn had mentioned me when they spoke.

"Yeah, she's been busy with school and everything... Oh! That reminds me why I brought this up in the first place!" She shifted from an apathetic to ecstatic tone, claiming my full attention once again. She opened her phone up to her calendar and pointed to next Friday. What the hell Rachel? I crinkled my brows in confusion.

"She's going to be coming to see us next weekend! We already set the date and time for Friday, and she'll be staying over the weekend. She'll be arriving in the evening just in time for dinner!" Rachel squealed and was bouncing in her seat clapping her hands. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and felt all the color leave my skin. Clearly not the response she was expecting from me. I looked down and began picking at a loose thread on the hem of my skirt. I wasn't happy about seeing her. I wasn't ready. If anything I felt dread swarm across my entire body. I'm afraid. Santana Lopez is scared. That's a new one. Quinn Fabray had somehow gained some puppeteer like power over my emotions and she didn't even know it. This isn't fair. I didn't ask for any of this. Why can't I just be happy about this? I want to just be happy that my friend is coming to visit, my _friend_, if that's what I could call her.

"She said she has some _really_ great news for us! She sounded really happy about it too, but she said she couldn't tell us until she got here. She said that it was _very_ important and that she would have to tell us in person. …I wonder if it has something to do with that new boyfriend of hers! She said they have been getting really close."

_Fuck._

_No… no... _

_Just, no._

Could I scream right now at the table?

Would that be _subtle_ enough?

I began to feel phantom pain develop on my side where it had been throbbing earlier. I closed my eyes shut tightly, to shut out the reality that had begun to sink in. I felt like the wind had been knocked out dead cold from my chest. _Inhale._ _Exhale._ Breathe, Santana. Just breathe.

_Since when did breathing hurt so much?_

Quinn had a boyfriend. It sounded serious. Rachel said they're getting close. She had an announcement to make and she couldn't say it over the phone. Clearly she hadn't been thinking about me. What was I thinking? Santana Lopez, you _are_ an idiot. Here I was, failing miserably at being with anyone. Even just to fuck, and I gave in to the idea of what, or _who_ was the reason behind it. I let myself believe there might be a slim chance in hell. Of course she didn't have feelings for me. It was just _one_ night. I was her experiment, her best friend, and I was used like some lesbian lab rat. Is that really what happened though? I guess I used her too. I wanted it. She wanted it. It was nothing though. I've fucked people before with no emotion, why was this any different? This couldn't be different. I tried to tell myself that, but there _was_ emotion. With every kiss and embrace, there was underlying emotion. I didn't like it, but I couldn't hide it from myself. Not anymore.

_It was Quinn._

* * *

I had left the table after attempting to assure Rachel that I was on board with Quinn coming to stay next weekend, after I spaced out.

_Oh, that's hilarious._

I was now sitting at the head of my bed leaning against my pillows with my arms wrapped around my knees that were resting up against my chest. My deep breaths would slightly push my knees forward whenever I would exhale. I'm just sitting here flipping through my phone, and keep ending up back to _her_. I should really delete this picture. I can't look at her anymore. Not _now_. It hurt too much. Instead of looking at what I could have. I'm looking at what I've lost. I'm so hopeless. I still didn't understand the full extent of my emotions.

Yet my heart still yearns, even after being dropped from the top of the Empire State Building and shattering like Rachel's mug did this afternoon. Every time I fall, I hope that the person I'm falling towards might care, and catch me. Stupid Santana. When it happens, I fall and I fall hard. I look off the edge of the moon down at the earth, and without any gravity or hesitation I jump. I reach full speed plummeting towards my destination. As reality closes in, I reach for my parachute, and _oops. _

Maybe you'll be the one to save me, love?

_Never gonna happen._

So, I made miscalculations along the way. No one is perfect. I know I'm far from it despite how much I'd like to pretend I'm the epitome of the word every time I look into the mirror, staring a little longer than I should. Except all I see are my flaws. Sometimes all I see is that cold-hearted bitch everyone accused me of being in high school. I push people away, but it's because they always hurt me when I decide to open up. Hence the armored exterior. I fucked up with Brittany and then I lost her. She didn't make it easy on me either. Maybe I was never really hers to have in the first place.

I radiate confidence, but that's just to cover up the construction site that _is_ my heart. I know I fucked up with Brittany... and _now..._ I fucked up with Quinn. Moving to New York was supposed to be a new beginning, and it has been, aside from _this_. I just want to put this behind me. If only it were that easy...

Here comes that self-loathing I was so desperately trying to keep Jess from entering last night.

_Jess_

I needed to hear her voice, like a child needs their mother's comfort. I know I just met her, but I felt like she could understand. She clearly had been through some fucked up shit with her ex and her roommate. She understood me in a way I didn't think anyone else could right now. I couldn't talk to Brittany, I couldn't talk to Kurt. I couldn't talk to Rachel about this, not even with how close we've gotten over the past month. She wouldn't understand, and it would just make everything even more awkward and fucked up than it already is. Besides, she was also very close to Quinn, and I couldn't take the chance of Quinn somehow finding out about all this, whatever _this_ was. I trusted Rachel; I just couldn't talk to her about it right now. This only left one person, and thank god she came into my life when she did. She was my guiding light through the darkness I was now entering. "Signpost up ahead. Your _next_ stop...,"

_Heartbreak._

I flipped through my contacts and reached her name. I decided against calling her and I'd send a message that didn't make me seem so needy. Like hell if I was going to come off that way, even to her. I'm not going to let myself fall apart, not now. I'm going to pull my shit together like I always do and get through this. With a little help from my friends.

* * *

"Santana…"

I looked up from my phone to see Rachel standing at the end of my bed. She was holding her own hands and swaying them out in front of her as she watched them. She sounded hesitant as she spoke and even stammered.

"Are you a-alright? I-I've sort of been standing here for a few minutes now and… you didn't even notice me… You looked-"

"I'm fine." I interrupted her. I needed to put up that facade quickly or I was in trouble. Think Santana, think…

"It's just that I wasn't feeling so great earlier, and I'm feeling kind of lonely tonight, I guess." I shrugged and put on the best fake smile I could manage to conjure up.

Well that didn't go exactly the way I had hoped. It went better than it could have though. She let out a sigh of relief and proceeded to sit down on my bed with her legs crossed facing me. She reached out and grabbed my right hand with her left, and then she smiled at me. Brushing her hair away from her face with her free hand and tucking it behind her ear.

"You know, I could sense that. You're not the only one who is psychic here..." She winked at me before she continued. "...I have an idea, why don't you turn that frown upside down, and go get ready to go out tonight!" She bit her bottom lip and grinned looking at me hopefully as she waited for a response. I suppose I like where this was going. Getting out might not be such a bad idea considering where my mind was taking me. I'm sure the brunette could come up with some crazy scheme to distract me. I nodded and gave her a reassuring smile.

"Great! Adam invited Kurt to go out to _Callback's_ tonight and he invited us to join them. I think we could have a lot of fun. Of course, you have to promise me you'll take it easy on the drinks tonight... and to sing some songs with me! I promise it won't be from _Fiddler on the Roof,_ I know how much that bothered you this morning." She giggled at the end of her speech. She was making a pretty decent attempt to cheer me up, and it was working. I couldn't help but smile like an idiot after she finished.

"Yeah… that _was_ pretty annoying Rach," I slapped her shoulder jokingly. "...count me in. Just promise me, you won't leave me alone with Kurt and Adam..." I rolled my eyes at the very idea.

"It's a deal! Woohoo! I'm so excited. I'm going to go get ready- Oh! We can grab dinner on the way too! My treat!" She launched off the bed like a wild woman and skipped to leave my room like an excited little kid at a carnival. I loved this girl. As much as Rachel had grown up and turned into a beautiful mature woman. I still enjoyed seeing this innocent and free side to her, and I'd be damned if I'd let any asshole take that away from her.

_Fucking Brody…_

"Oh, Rach..?" I started as she was just beginning to exit the curtain.

"Yes?" She turned around willing and ready to answer.

"Would it be alright if I invited a new friend? I kinda met this girl, ...and _no_ it's not like that at all…," I smiled at her as I paused. "I met her last night and I think you'd really like her, and I'd like for her to join us tonight." I said calmly and waited for her to respond, and it didn't take very long.

"Of course, as I already know, you have a great taste in friends." She said arrogantly as she pointed to herself and let a cocky grin spread across her face that led into a blush. Hey now Rachel!

_Oh, hell…_

"Okay, Rachel. I get it…" I quickly told the bitch inside to shut up and made a more proper response. I laughed at her and nodded and she released her playful smile and skipped out of my room to finish getting ready. She was just being Rachel. Who was I to be upset with her for that? She was being a good friend.

**Hey Jess, It's Santana from last night. I know you didn't expect to hear from me so soon. But I figured I'd text you so you have my number too. Also, what are you doing tonight? I'm going out with the roommates and was wondering if you wanted to join us.**

I put down my phone and finished getting myself ready. I looked hot. Black heels, short black skirt, white blouse, mid-cut leather jacket; dressed to kill. Kill what exactly? _She_ isn't in New York, Santana. I laughed as I scolded myself in the mirror at my own thoughts.

When I came back to my room around a half an hour later, I saw a new message on my phone. I smiled like a goofball. It was Jess. Tonight was going to be great. I needed this.

**Why hello there sexy thang! Couldn't go one night without seeing me, could you? ;) I've been studying all day but I'd love to get out! There better be some hot people wherever we're going. Guys or girls. I'm game. Just let me know where, and what time. I can't wait!  
**

* * *

**A/N: **Don't forget to write a review! Let me know what you think! Thank you for reading! :)


	3. Baby, I need your love

It's fucking freezing out here. Isn't April supposed to be the beginning of spring? This time last year we were all preparing for so many things; graduation, nationals, college. It's amazing how much has changed in just one year. I had gone from one of the highest points in my life to this dark and confusing place of turmoil. My emotions now bounce from a day to day basis. Up until a couple of months ago I was even bouncing cities.

I know coming to New York was the right decision; I feel like I could call this place home. I guess I just have to find some sense of belonging here. I've always had the drive to be the best at whatever activities I got involved in, and I usually was. Being competitive was just second nature to me. Maybe that's what's missing right now. I need something to thrive at. I gave up a full cheer-leading scholarship at Louisville University to come here. I need to find something soon, or regret might start setting in. I don't want to come off as a pathetic loser to Quinn when she comes to visit either. I mean, I could just imagine Rachel meeting her at the train station; _"Where's Santana?"_ "_Oh she's at home in her pajamas eating cereal on the couch again."_ There's no way in hell I would allow myself to be the expense of one of their jokes. I'm not proud; I just want to retain _some_ of my dignity. Here I was, back at the bottom of the ladder trying to climb my way back up to the top.

* * *

I looked down at my phone. It was now 8:09. Jess was supposed to meet me out front of _Callback's_ at 8:00. She hadn't messaged me back in an hour, not since she was on the way. I suppose I could wait out here a while longer before I headed inside.

I wrapped my arms tightly around my chest and pulled myself further into my warm leather jacket in attempt to absorb some of my own heat. There were a lot of people standing around front the piano bar chatting, couples caressing, and I could hear people already singing inside as the bass pumped to an Ellie Goulding song. I recognized the vocals to "Hanging on" and began lightly breathing the words to myself as I looked around me. Laughing to myself after I realized how fitting the lyrics actually were. That's _always_ awkward. I sang along regardless. That's one of the reasons I agreed to coming here tonight. I needed some kind of emotional outlet. Since fucking anyone was obviously out of the question. Performing was one of the most satisfying ways I could achieve a release.

Rachel, Kurt, and Adam were already inside making sure we got a decent table. I wanted to wait outside for Jess alone. I needed some fresh air and time to myself.

I leant my head back against the frigid brick as I unconsciously began swaying my hips to the music coming from inside. I shifted my glance up to the sky. A good portion of the view was obstructed by the buildings, but I could still see the moon as it sneered at me. I couldn't help but wonder if Quinn was out there somewhere, looking up at the same moon. The thought that she _could_ be was comforting enough, although if she was, she was probably looking at it with her new mystery lover. That thought bothered me _way_ more than it should have. If Rachel hadn't mentioned the new boyfriend thing I think I might have even gotten up the courage to call her tonight, or at least send her a message.

Someone had begun playing Ellie Goulding's "I know you care" at the piano in response to the previous song. The wind had picked up and some of the people started going inside. I allowed myself to close my eyes and let my mind go blank as I continued to wait, letting the music from inside come crashing through me like a tsunami and pulling me out to sea. I could drown in it, peacefully. In this moment I was free. I felt liberated from the constraints of space, time, and most importantly _her_.

"Guess who…" I felt a pair of warm hands gently cover my eyes and a soft voice whisper the words into my ear. It jerked me back into reality, away from whatever euphoric state I had drifted off to. She released her hands and smiled before she gave me a hug and apologized for being late.

* * *

We sat down to meet the others at our usual tables towards the back of the room. It was more private over here and we weren't watched as carefully, just in case someone came to check the others I. D's. I would sometimes get drinks for them with my fake I.D. We had this whole routine figured out for getting the drinks; I felt like I was some secret agent whenever we would do it. Rachel and Kurt had already somehow managed to drag me to this place several times since I had come to New York.

Saturdays were the once a week competition nights at _Callbacks_, aside from being open mic. The competitions were pretty basic. You could have up to a maximum of four people perform for the competition, and the leader of your group (the one who signed up) had to be a NYADA student. The winners weren't judged by how many songs they performed, but by the audience's reaction to the ones they did, and the one vote each group leader was allowed to cast. The winners of the competition got their bill covered by the house for the night. Not bad stakes if you ask me. Of course, I was known to rack up a pretty hefty drinking bill since I had come to New York. I had to claim my "Stage Name" Rosario on nights like that. I could pass for 21, right?

It was fun to watch the silly dance routines some of the groups would come up with. It almost reminded me of being in Glee club. The competitions also had themes. There would be different Musicals, Artists, and Genres listed on the signup sheet and your group had to perform something in that context if you wanted to have a good chance of winning. We didn't come here last Saturday but it was obvious who one of the Artists on the list was considering the songs I was hearing earlier. Rachel and Kurt had yet to compete since they first started coming here. I'm not sure why, and I didn't bother asking.

* * *

When I had introduced everyone, I was worried that Jess might not hit it off with the others. I couldn't have been more wrong. She had been snapping photos of us all throughout the night. She was currently completely infatuated with whatever conversation she was having with Rachel. Apparently she thought Rachel was the most interesting person on the planet. I'm hoping it was just the drinks she had gotten for them kicking in. Kurt and his man bitch were already up by the stage getting ready to perform. Adam had mentioned he wanted to perform some songs by The Scene Aesthetic earlier. He said it would be perfect for the two of them. This should be interesting…

So, here I am, just sitting and left to my own devices playing with my phone. I promised Rachel I wouldn't drink much; I hadn't even gone up to the bar once. I wish I could have said the same for her and Jess. Apparently I was going to be playing chaperone tonight, just lovely.

"Oh my god, Santana…"

Rachel seemed to be in a drunken stupor and was turned towards the stage with puppy dog eyes at some Neanderthal who was performing. Jess took this opportunity to scoot her chair right up against mine. Her breath reeked something awful. She leaned her chin on my shoulder making sure I was the only one to hear her.

_What in the hell were those two drinking? _

_Fuck, that's disgusting._

"Why didn't you tell me your roommate was such a-"

She turned her head for a moment and eyed Rachel. I recognized that look…

"…babe."

_Um, gross…_

"Do you think she likes me?!"

_Oh. My. God. _

This so wasn't happening right now. This girl was _almost _as pathetic and hopeless as me. I had to let her down gently, and try not to laugh at her in the process. Try being the key word there. At least she wasn't as drunk as I suspected her to be at first. She could hold her liquor better than Rachel; that was for sure. I needed to cut off that girl's supply. Thank god she was oblivious to this conversation.

"Jess…" I pushed her away so that I could make eye contact with her as I spoke, and shook my head at her.

"Well... Are you going to put in a good word for me!? Come on Santana, I promise I'll make it up to you. I _really_ like her. She's so sweet! What should I say to her?" She was staring at the back of Rachel's head again.

God, this girl was _truly_ oblivious. I almost pitied her. She was like a lonely bisexual vulture. When she drank she became some kind of alcohol induced sex predator. She hadn't a fucking clue. We were clearly going to have to work on this at some point if we were going to keep going out like this…

"Jess, stop it. Cool your cooter for two fucking seconds. I hate to break it to your tipsy ass, but… Rachel doesn't play for _that_ team. She's just a very, _very_ friendly drunk. It's not going to happen, okay... Believe me. I was already there once in high school. She's the straightest musical theater student in this building." I shot her a serious look hoping to put out the growing fire that was the hunger in her eyes.

"Oh, shit…. I'm such a fucking imbecile. Why am I so terrible at this!" She slapped herself in the face and kept her hand there. "I'm so sorry... I was never any good at this."

I tried to keep a serious face, but on the inside I was hysterically laughing at this girl. A small smirk had managed to escape and I had to bite my lip to stop it from growing.

_I can't do this…_

I couldn't fight it any longer and broke out into hysterically laughter.

"What? Why are you laughing at me? I mean come on, this is just sad. There's no other word for it. Sad, sad, sad, sad, sad!" She banged her hand onto the table for every time she said the word "sad." She started laughing at herself along with me as I couldn't control myself. My stomach was beginning to actually hurt from laughing so hard.

"It's not sad… It's funny as hell though..."

"Stop laughing at my misery! I'm sad, and you're just… sick!" She was giving me the dirtiest look, even though she was laughing at herself.

The laughter began to die down. Then Rachel tilted her head backwards onto the table to see what we were doing. Her mouth was wide open and she crossed her eyes at us. She looked absolutely ridiculous like that. Just as our laughter had stopped, one look from Rachel's face and we both broke out into hysterics all over again.

* * *

This girl really was just as hopeless as me.

"Honestly Jess, you and I aren't so different. Trust me… I'm just as "_sad_" as you are. The only difference is I'm _way_ hotter."

"Yeah, well, let's pretend that whole Rachel thing didn't just happen. If you ever bring that up I'm going to do something… I don't know what. But when I find out, I _won't_ tell you!" I elbowed her in the ribs at her threatening statement, and sarcastically laughed at her.

_As if._

"Ouch… Kidding, I was _kidding_!" She rubbed where I elbowed her. Maybe I did that a little _too_ hard…

"So, after you're done beating me up, do you still want to talk about _it_?"

I crinkled my eyebrows together and shot her a puzzled look. "Talk about what …Rachel?" I looked over at the very drunk brunette who was now rocking backwards in her seat, and then back to Jess.

She looked over at Rachel and started laughing again very, very loudly before she continued.

"Um, no…"

"…About _your_ girl problems. We never did get a chance to talk about that last night. I know I'm a little inebriated and all, but I'm not blind. I can see it on your face."

_Is it that obvious?_

"It's fine. We honestly don't have to talk about that right now. I'm just happy to be out tonight and having a good time." I shrugged at her. She didn't look satisfied with my sugar-coated response.

Damn. You better think of a way to avoid this conversation, Santana. This isn't the right time or place to talk about it, even though part of me feels like I _really_ need to get this weight off of my chest.

"I know! Let's go sing, come on _sad girl_…" I stood up and grabbed at her wrist, planning to drag her up to the stage with me.

She put the complete force of her weight into not moving from her seat. What the hell?

"Whoa there tiger! I do _not_ sing. Well at least not in front of other people. And if I did want to make that much of a fool of myself, I'd need to have a lot more to drink than this. If I went up there to sing right now, let's just say, that I hope you brought some ear plugs. My singing voice is horrendous. Have you heard my laugh? Yeah, well my singing doesn't sound much better."

I didn't know whether to laugh or feel sad for her after hearing that. Oh, I was aware of her laugh. If that was any inclination to her singing voice, I certainly wasn't going to push the issue any further. Not everyone could sing and I'm pretty sure she didn't even know that's part of the reason we came here tonight. I guess I'd have to go up there alone. Rachel was _definitely_ way too gone to even try.

"Everyone can sing Jess!"

Rachel yelled, deciding to join in on our little conversation, clearly only hearing bits and pieces. Rachel got up from her seat, turning around to face us.

_What is she doing?_

"The hills are alive…!"

"With the sound of…!"

Several people whipped their heads around only to glare at us. Rachel had begun singing in an extremely loud and operatic tone, flailing her arms into the air dangerously to emphasis her singing. Before I could stop Little Miss Julie Andrews, Jess had beaten me to it. She wrapped her arms around her waist and pulled her back down to her seat, quickly engaging her in a conversation in hopes to quell the god awful diva scene she was making. The sad thing is I'm sure Rachel actually thought she was on some Austrian mountainside when she started that outburst.

"Do me a favor and keep an eye on our little Broadway star. I'm going to go up to the stage and show these amateurs how it's done in Lima. _Please, _do not give her any more drinks. This is only the _first_ layer of drunken Rachel… Trust me, if you want to see tomorrow, you _don't_ want to see the others…" I said in a grave tone and raised both of my eyebrows at her. Oh, I was serious.

Jess' eyes popped out of her head and her mouth went agape in shock; I saw something on her expression that resembled true fear.

Last time we had a party at our apartment Rachel swore she'd only drink a _little_. That then turned into a little more, then a little more, and then one bottle of rum later she was out on the fire escape serenading the entire neighborhood at 3:00am. We were convinced she was reenacting one of the scenes from _West Side Story_. I'm almost positive if Hollywood had heard her, which I'm sure they did, they would have given her a record contract just to shut her the fuck up. I had to promise the people screaming profane things out their windows I'd stop her just to keep them from calling the cops.

* * *

When I had gotten up towards the stage I ended up sitting down to chat with Kurt and Adam for a while instead. We watched some others perform. Adam asked me if I'd sing a duet with him, and after seeing the twinkle in Kurt's eye at the very idea; how could I say no? He told me it was lady's choice. I hadn't actually given any though as to what I wanted to sing yet so I took a moment to decide.

I wasn't sure quite where the inspiration came from, but I asked him if he'd sing Lady Antebellum's "I Need You Now" with me. He was happy to accommodate my request. He bowed towards me and gestured his arm out towards the stage.

"My lady…" He hooked arms with me and led us the short distance.

Jess saw what was getting ready to happen and started walking over with Rachel to join us closer to the stage. They sat down at our new table next to Kurt in anticipation to watch me perform.

"Yay, Santana!" Rachel stood up and clapped her hands in excitement.

Just before we started the song, Jess pulled out the camera she had been carrying around all night and a little red light went on.

* * *

I poured my soul into the words and withheld no emotions. It felt good to belt it out like that and command a stage. Hell, I could see myself doing this for a living, and from the faces in the crowd, they could too. The whole room had gone silent once we had started. Our voices carried eerily through the room with precision. Every eye in the room was fixated on me when I was singing. I loved the feeling of being naked up there like that almost as much as I loved…

_What the hell is wrong with you?_

After we got a standing ovation from everyone we sat back down at our table with the others. Rachel, Kurt, and I told Jess and Adam stories of our glory years in Glee club. Jess had _begged_ us to know more about our singing background. She was clearly impressed. I had nothing else going on in my life right now, so I more than willingly welcomed the opportunity to gloat about it.

Jess mentioned something to me about a Club near her apartment hiring new performers and I told her I'd have to check it out. Rachel volunteered to give me a reference. I all but laughed in her face, although I was happy to see she was beginning to sober up.

* * *

Jess was just in the middle of showing us the many pictures she had taken during the night and was about to play the video, when my phone went off on the table in front of us. I briefly glanced at the time as I reached for my phone. It was 11:11. Why did I think it would be later?

I didn't recognize the number on the screen. Who the hell would be calling me right now anyways? Anyone that I could possibly think of was sitting here at this table. I _never _got calls from numbers I didn't recognize. I guess it could be an emergency; it was a little late for a phone call. Maybe something happened with mom or dad… I had to answer it and make sure everything was alright.

I quietly left the table and walked towards the women's bathroom to escape the noisy room so that I could hear whoever it was clearly. Answering on the fifth ring, hoping they didn't already hang up on me.

"Hello?"

I entered the bathroom just in time to speak. There was no one in here, and the room drowned out the noise from the bar, so I could be sure to hear anything the person on the other line had to say. They took a few seconds to reply while breathing heavily into the phone. For a moment I thought it might be someone trying to prank me.

"Hello yourself,_ Rosario._"

I dropped the phone onto the checkered tiles below when I heard the voice…

_Shit!_

I scurried down to the floor with my now shaky Jell-O-like hands to pick up the phone in frenzy. An uncomfortable tingling started growing in my chest and began running out and up my torso, across my arms, and up to my face causing it to go flush. I walked over and into to one of the closest stalls and shut the door behind me, leaning my back up against the door for support so I didn't fall over in fear that I might faint.

_Why is my body reacting like this?_

"Cat got your tongue babe…?" She was making kissing noises into the phone now.

"…_Meow_?"

She began laughing out of tune after she spoke, and I could hear a lot of background noise including music and indistinct voices. Actually, she sounded really, _really_ strange now that I was listening more carefully. If she spoke again she might have sounded like she did after she had been drinking.

"Ahah! _Oh_! S-s-stop that. Robert! _Mmm-mmm_! …No! I'm talking to my friend… Don't… _Mmmm..._ Seriously!"

Hearing her giggling and moaning into the phone saying some guys name didn't exactly give me the greatest feeling in the world. Although it didn't sound very welcomed from the tone she was using.

_What was that?_

I heard a slap, and then a male voice groan "Ouch" painfully in the background. Whoever he was, he didn't seem to be bothering her anymore.

"Fine, be that way…" I heard him speak but his voice became distant.

_What the fuck?!_

Did she call me just to make out with some guy on the phone? Is this some fucked up and demented cruel joke or something? Is she getting off on this? Oh, no fucking way…

"What do you want?!" I spat into the phone before I clinched my teeth together in rage.

"I-I want to hear your voice …of_ course_!"

I could practically hear her pouting like a little kid on the other line. I didn't want to play games with her. What did she think she was doing to me?! It was too late to play nice. I could feel the heat radiating and rage building up inside my body. She hadn't spoken to me since _that_ night. Not even _once_, and now she was speaking to me, like _this_.

"And what in the hell makes you think I would want to hear yours?!" I clenched my left fist up against my side.

"Uh-oh! Satan mad..." She was giggling again.

What the fuck did she just call me!? She knows for a _fact_ that I hated being called that in high school. Is she trying to get me angry? If she is, she's got a fucking PhD in Lima Heights Adjacent instigation.

"Your _new girlfriend_ is smoking' hot! …Is she any good Sannie?"

What was she talking about? What girlfriend? I don't have a girlfriend. Even if I did, that wasn't any of her business. Is she fucking kidding me right now?

"What are you talking about Quinn? I don't have a girlfriend…" My tone wavered slightly from angry, and lent towards complete innocence and confusion.

"Mhmmm…, you don't have to hide it from me Santa…" She was spitting gibberish into the phone now and I couldn't understand anything she was saying. She then let out a gasp directly into the phone. "…Is she better than… _me_?"

Given any other circumstances, that question might have turned me on. I'm not even going to answer that right now. I have no idea what the hell is going on. I just want to die right now. Maybe I could drown myself in the toilet? That doesn't sound like such a terrible idea.

"Quinn, _please_ don't do this to me. I don't know what in the hell is going on… but I really don't want to play these fucking mind games with you right now!" I was starting to get frustrated with her. There was a temporary silence before she responded. She let out a sigh.

"I miss you so mu…" I could hear her panting now and any happiness that was previously in her voice had now completely faded from her tone. "…I don't…"

I began to hear sobbing burst out on the other end of the line followed by what sounded like hyperventilating.

"I-I'm so s-so-rry I-" She spoke abnormally and brokenly into the phone, sounding like her beautiful lips were right up against the receiver.

I could feel my own dam getting ready to burst just behind my eyes at the sound of her in such pain. The hand that was a fist at my side had now made its way up to my eyes to force them shut, and they lingered there. A part of me wanted to comfort her, but that part of me wasn't functioning properly. The anger I was still feeling was clouding the better part of my judgment, and I wasn't thinking clearly anymore.

"No, _I'm_ sorry Quinn. I just can't do this right now… Call me when you're sober or something…"

"San, S-San-tana! Wait! Please, I really need to tell-"

I hung up and threw my phone at the wall behind the toilet.

_Ahhh!_

I slid my back down the door and dropped by body to the ground; the dam I was trying so hard to hold back had broken loose. My whole body was convulsing. I sat with my knees up and crossed my arms before dropping my head down and becoming utterly hysterical. I couldn't talk to her anymore. Every word she spoke sent another knife into my chest. Seriously, what was she trying to do to me?! A part of me wondered…

_Is she okay?_

* * *

I heard the bathroom door creak open and people enter.

_Shit._

"Santana, are you in here? We've been looking for you and the others want to get going soon."

"There's someone in there Jess-"

I could hear the two of them approach the stall door I was leaning up against on the floor.

"Santana? Are you ok in there?" Rachel spoke very softly.

"I'm f-f-fine…" I was choking out the words._ I_ could barely even make out what I had said.

_Subtlety, Santana._

"Santana open this door right now!"

I heard pounding. I wasn't sure if it was Rachel or Jess who spoke. I wasn't thinking. I was too devastated for that kind of logic. It hurt too much to use logic. I did the only thing I could. My mind was checking out, but I could still move my body voluntarily. I reached up my right arm and unlocked the clasp on the door. Not even realizing what I did, I flew backwards before hitting the back of my head on the tile floor behind me.

**Thud!**

* * *

_Ouch…_

_Hello, god?_

_Quinn?_

"Seriously Santana, wake up! This isn't funny! You're scaring us!" There was a frightened voice. It was Rachel. She was leaning over me and shaking me. Where's Jess?

Rachel put what felt like a jacket underneath my head to prop me up slightly. I gradually opened my eyes and blinked before I smiled at her.

_I guess I'm not dead._

"Oh thank god!" She leaned down and pulled me up into her arms for a hug.

"If you ever do something like this again, I'll kill you myself…." She spoke while she was holding me. But I could detect complete seriousness in her tone. I didn't dare challenge her right now.

"Is she okay?! How are you feeling Santana?"

"Yeah, she's back."

"What h-happened?" I heard my own voice like I was outside of my body listening in as I spoke.

"Well let's see. You opened the door, flew back, and then cracked your head on the floor babe…and then for your finishing act, you almost gave us a heart attack." Jess spoke this time.

"I told you I wasn't the dramatic one..."

I understood what the brunette was insinuating with that message and reached up to slap her arm, pathetically. I didn't feel like moving much right now and felt very weak, something I wasn't used to.

Next thing I know they both grabbed one of my arms, and began pulling me up carefully, and walking me towards the bathroom door.

"Can you stand on your own Santana?"

"Yeah, kind of…" I tried to gain some sense of balance and walk on my own but I couldn't think about what I was doing. My head was still all fuzzy.

My response didn't even matter because they were both walking me somewhere regardless. Then I felt a cool breeze slap me right in the face.

_Oh, we're outside now._

I could hear other voices now too. It was Kurt and Adam. They must still be here.

I got into what looked like a taxi and Jess sat down next to me as Adam squished on the other side next to Kurt. I didn't see Rachel, but then I heard her voice in the front seat. I didn't think about where we were going, but I honestly didn't really care. My head was hurting more from the crying and the phone call than the fall. I leaned my head onto Jess's shoulder, completely relaxing my body until we had officially stopped at wherever we were going.

* * *

"Lay her down and put the pack on the pillow behind her. I'll stay here with her, go take care of it."

"Yes, right away _Dr. Wilson_."

I could hear laughing. Where was I? Dr. Wilson? Who the fuck was that?

_I better not be in a fucking hospital! _

I opened my eyes again, taking in where I was rather quickly. I was on my bed. When did this happen? Jess was sitting next to me and looking me in the eyes as if she was waiting patiently for me to wake up.

"Don't worry. You're going to be okay, no serious damage. But I'm going to stay here and watch you until Rachel comes back in the room okay? If you feel like you're getting a headache I need you to tell us. I know you're really tired but I'd like for you to try and stay awake for a while, can you do that for me?"

I nodded in response.

That must be her last name. I forgot she was graduating med school this year. Dr. Jess Wilson. My own private Dr., right here in my bed.

_Wanky..._

"I'm actually feeling just fine. I'm not dying or anything, I promise…" She laughed at my attempt to brush this off.

"Well we're going to take some precautions anyways, okay? If not for your sake, than for mine. I don't want Rachel to kill _me_. She's already stressed enough right now." She winked at me and smirked. I couldn't help but smile at her.

"Where is she?"

"She's on the phone right now. She had an important call. Don't worry; she'll be back soon…." She looked out through the open curtain and back to me.

"…and Kurt and Adam are on the couch, I didn't want to overwhelm you so I had them sit out there. We were all a little worried about you."

I nodded again and reached my hand around to feel where I had hit my head. There was an icepack behind me and there was a small bump underneath my silky hair, but nothing to fuss over. I've had worse. I got more comfortable into my bed and looked back up to Jess who was still watching me.

"You know… having a doctor in my bed has always kind of been a fantasy of mine…" I winked at her and let out a chuckle. I was joking of course. Well, partially. _She_ wasn't part of my fantasy. I looked up at her and she just rolled her eyes at me.

"Oh she's feeling better alright!" She yelled out to the others in the apartment.

"Yes, she's an uncouth one isn't she?" I heard Kurt respond sarcastically.

_Could he really hear me?_

_Fucking curtains._

"Shit! Where's my phone and jacket?" I started shifting the sheets and covers around me as if by some miracle they might actually be there.

"Don't worry; we made sure to grab your things." She pointed to my end table where my phone was sitting on my jacket with a new crack on the screen.

_Oops._

_"_What time is it?" I wondered how much time I had lost track of.

"It's almost 1:00am."

_Oh, wonderful..._

* * *

Rachel appeared just outside of my room and stopped to cross her arms, tilting her head down to the floor. She did not look very happy. She looked like she was going to start crying, actually. Jess got up off the bed and they were now whispering by the entrance to my room for what seemed like a few minutes. Why were they whispering?

Jess gave Rachel a hug, which seemed to lift her spirits slightly. Jess then came over and said goodbye to me before leaving.

"Just so you know, we're discussing this in the morning…" Rachel said sternly as she gave me a hug. She then immediately went over to the right side of the bed and shut off one of the lights before pulling up the covers and lying down, intentionally facing away from me.

_Did I do something? _

Some night this turned out to be. The part of my brain that was having a complete breakdown earlier just shut itself off in defense. I knew what had happened, but I wasn't allowing myself to think about it.

There was something on Rachel's mind, but she didn't bring it up. I wasn't really upset anymore. I know I might have overreacted about the phone call from Quinn, but even if Rachel somehow found out about that, why would she be this unnerved? It didn't make any sense. I didn't want to ask any of the questions I had running through my mind right now. There had been enough drama tonight. Something just felt off. I reached over to my end table and turned on my night-time playlist. Robert Pattinson's "Let Me Sign" was the first song to come on.

I grabbed one of the two pillows I was resting my head on and held it tightly in my arms, turning to my side facing away from Rachel. I could hear her trying to hide her crying, it was extremely uncomfortable. I let the music fill the awkward silence in the room around us and _eventually_ drifted off to sleep.

* * *

**A/N: **The next chapter is from** Quinn's POV** for the same day and should answer some of the questions you may have right now.


	4. In the still of the night Part 1

**A/N: **Alright, here it is, the 4th chapter from Quinn's POV. It will be split up into chapters Pt1 and Pt2. It turned out to be a lot longer than I originally planned so I made it two chapters.

**Disclaimer: **This is a very intense chapter, and Pt.2 or (Chapter 5), will contain some graphic depictions of violence. Please enjoy the continuing of this story! Thank you for reading!

* * *

**Quinn's POV**

I am _so_ looking forward to this. Ugh, do I ever need a vacation… My classes have been _unbearably _strenuous the past few weeks, even more so than usual. I'm starting to regret this whole "sorority" thing. I am definitely _not_ Hillary Clinton _or_ Jennifer Beals. This semester just needs to end already.

_Only one more month of school._

Thankfully, Rachel sounded really happy about the news. I told her I wanted to make a visit this weekend, and we set the date for Friday. I can't believe how much I've _actually_ missed her. That girl used to drive me crazy in high school. Yet we've somehow managed to become best friends, and if anything, the distance has made us even closer. Although with our schedules, it's been difficult to stay in touch lately. This is the first time I've spoken to her in like two weeks... We message each other on Facebook and E-mail, but we never chat for very long. So much has happened recently that I had to call her; especially to finally make plans. She's been begging me to visit for a while now anyways.

_Three days in New York._

I can't wait, and I'm _really_ looking forward to telling them the big news! I know I haven't decided if I'm actually going to go through with it or not, but I'll feel it out when I get there. My decision will have to depend on them anyways. And besides…, I still have a couple weeks to make the final decision.

If they don't seem on-board about it, then I can always go to Boston instead. I also have that _new_ offer for Ireland, but I'm not entirely sure if that's such a great idea. I still really don't know him all that well, and that would also mean missing out on a great opportunity. I'm lucky to be one of the ten students to be offered this directing summer internship, it's an honor, and I'd hate to turn it down after focusing so hard on my academics all year. New York is _definitely_ my first choice.

I'm pretty sure Rachel and Kurt will be okay with it, but I'm not so sure about Santana...

The idea of staying with them for almost four months if she _hates_ me seems really unfathomable. I don't want to have another one of our bitch slap fests for an _entire_ summer.

I honestly don't know what's been going on with her lately. I haven't heard from her in almost two months. We haven't spoken _once_ since Valentine's Day.

_I still can't believe I actually did that. _

_Hello, horny and curious Quinn...?_

_What were you thinking?_

It was just a one night thing… I know we kidded around about her not getting all serious on me about it, but it seems like she took the complete opposite route. I guess I've just been too embarrassed to see or even speak to her. But why hasn't she thought of me? Couldn't she have contacted me if she _really_ wanted to?

I just got off the phone with Rachel and somehow _finally_ managed to get up the courage and ask about her, considering I'll be forced to see her when I visit anyways. I've avoided asking _this_ long because I was afraid of what the answer might be when I finally did. It turns out I was right in my fear… When I asked, Rachel said she hasn't said a word about me. Not one! Rachel doesn't have a clue as to why she might be avoiding me, if that's what she's been doing. Apparently she's been too busy with whatever she's got going on in her perfect little world to bother with me anymore…

Did she lose respect for me because of what we did that night?

It was fun and all, but if I knew it would mean losing our friendship, I'd take it back.

_I have to admit, it was really nice._

_And …different._

None of that matters though. At the end of the day, I'd rather have my friend back.

_I miss her._

I'm looking forward to my visit, but this whole Santana thing is stressing me the hell out. Maybe I should just suck it up, be the bigger person, and call her. I can't be this on edge for an _entire_ week of classes and exams, and I know for a fact that I am only going to get _more_ nervous as each day nears closer to Friday. I just need to know what I am going to be up against, this way I at least know what to expect when I arrive in New York.

Yeah, that's what I'll do. I'll call her; it'll be for the best… not now though.

I'll call her… tonight.

_And I'll finally hear that precious voice._

* * *

"No, it's alright, _really_. I appreciate you calling to ask me again, but I have a lot of studying to get done this weekend. It wouldn't be such a good idea. I'd love to go hun, but I just can't. I'm sorry Robbie... We'll get together sometime this week before I leave for New York. I promise."

"It's chill doll. I get it. Later…"

_Ugh_

I have a feeling he's more than a _little_ upset that I'm not going to be able to make it to yet _another_ one of his parties. To be honest though, it seems like that's all he ever does. He's like the complete opposite of me, always partying and never studying. It's not really my thing, and he knows that. I've heard there's always a lot of drinking at his parties. I have a bad track record when it comes to that stuff, and I've been trying to avoid it lately. I understand he might want to show me off to his friends, but I've just been really tired and busy... Besides, I shouldn't have to feel guilty about this. We've only been together for two weeks. It shouldn't be _that_ big of a deal. Come to think of it actually, we met the night of one of his parties.

_How horribly ironic._

An acquaintance from my Actor-Director Lab class had invited me and several others out to dinner that night. When we got to the restaurant, I only recognized a few people from some of my classes. I sat down at one of the sequences of tables next to a girl from my Acting I class. The table was set for sixteen, but only twelve had showed up so far. Then, a group of four came to join us. He walked in with a few of his friends and he sat down in the empty seat next to me. I later found out he studies Technical Design and Production; that explained why I hadn't seen him before, seeing as we have no classes together. We immediately hit it off, and he managed to sweep me off my feet with his old school charm. He even paid for my dinner that evening.

Up until that night, I was starting to get a little worried. I had been feeling… different… somehow. I was having a hard time finding a lot of the men around me… _attractive_. It's really, _really_ confusing, and I still don't quite understand it. I had scolded myself on several occasions when I found myself checking out another woman. I'm not confused, I'm straight. I'm Quinn. I must have been just admiring their attire or something, right? I _don't_ see women that way.

_Ugh…_

_What did you do to me Santana?_

Just when I was starting to get _really_ worried, he came along, and I found myself immediately attracted to him.

_Thank god._

I didn't end up going to his party that night, but he asked for my number and called me the very next day to hang out. He picked me up in his blue refurbished 1956 Bel Air convertible. The only reason I can even remember that, is because he took me to a classic car show for what ended up becoming a _very_ unusual first date. Seriously…, who takes a girl to a car show for their first date? He lives locally and took me back to his parent's estate and showed me where he throws his famous fifties themed parties. Apparently, he's _obsessed_ with anything 1950's. I found it kind of sexy…

He looks like a modern day James Dean, and even smokes like him; although the latter isn't quite as sexy. Regardless, after weeks of beating myself up over feeling so confused, I was relieved to find a guy who actually turned me on.

It's strange though. I've barely let him get to second base with me. It's no big deal; I just want to take it slow this time around. He says that I keep making excuses not to see him, and maybe he's right...

I _have_ been avoiding his parties. I have a lot of studying to do, but if I _really_ wanted to, I'm sure I could make the time to go tonight.

_Why am I avoiding him like this?_

He even invited me to go to Dublin, Ireland with him over the summer. Apparently that's where his family is from and he said I'd love it.

Too bad I already have other arrangements. Although, I'm not sure I'd go even if I didn't.

He _seems_ like a nice guy, and he's _really_ into me. I feel like I know him pretty well, and yet at the same time, I know absolutely nothing about him. We've only been together a couple of weeks and he's been getting _very_ intense, very quickly. All I know about him is pieced together from the few dates we've been on, the phone calls, and the messages. He doesn't have a Facebook either, so I can't even stalk him to find out more. Something feels weird with him, but maybe it's just me being paranoid.

_Maybe if you actually spent some time with him._

I just need to stop over-analyzing everything like a crazy person and just relax. What time is it anyways? I've been sitting here on my bed studying for hours and thinking about nonsense for a while now. I need to go take a break and get something to eat. It's after 5:30 already.

_Oh, how time flies when you're dissecting your life. _

* * *

Note to self: don't ever eat your roommates leftover… whatever the hell that was, _ever_ again.

Ugh, I really don't feel like studying anymore right now. Maybe I can go hang out with the roommate in the common room, and we can watch some chick-flick or something since she's not busy tonight either. I guess I can check my Facebook while she finishes eating that god awful rot.

_38 notifications, 11 messages, and 3 new friend requests. _

_Lovely… _

I don't go on here for a couple of weeks and everyone and their mom decides to contact me… I'm not even going to _start _checking these right now. I'll just scroll down my news feed. I do always enjoy reading these little demotivational posters that people post. It restores some of my hope for humanity.

…_Whoa, wait a sec. _

Did I just scroll past…?

Yeah…, I did.

That's the ghost of Santana Lopez. Someone _actually_ just posted something onto her wall a few minutes ago. I thought she stopped using Facebook? She had said it was strictly for pubescent teenagers, pedophiles, and has-bin's.

**Jessica Wilson: **

**Hey girlfriend! Thanks for finally adding me on Facebook. What took you so long? ;) Haha. I can't wait to go out tonight! Last night was too much fun. ;) I am so bringing my camera and uploading pics of us tonight, since you have like, none. So you better look fucking hot! Shouldn't be too much trouble for you. ;)**

_What?!_

Since when does Santana have a girlfriend?! Rachel certainly did _not_ mention that to me earlier on the phone… We talked about Santana for a while too. I'm pretty sure once I started asking questions, I didn't stop.

Wow…, I guess she _really_ has moved on with her new and perfect little world. Is she so infatuated with this girl that she can't even think of anyone else? Seriously Santana, is this why I haven't heard from you in two months?

_Look at this girl!_

_She's absolutely beautiful, and blonde, and prettier than me…_

_Quinn Fabray._

Way to go Santana… I'm truly happy for you. Am I even invited to the wedding, or will we still not be on speaking terms then?

_Wait, hold up…_

Why am I fussing over her like this? What does it even matter? What are you doing _loopy _Quinn?! Am I really going to let this bother me?

No way, I have no reason to…

I'm flawless, and I'm going to go call my flawless hunk of a boyfriend and go out and have an amazing time at his party.

_Let's just see if she has a better time than me tonight._

* * *

"I'm glad you changed your mind doll. I didn't think I could've gone another day without seeing this gorgeous face."

He reached his right hand from the steering wheel and ran his thumb across the left side of my jaw before putting his hand onto my left thigh, giving it a rough squeeze, and resting it there; keeping his eyes on the road as we drove to his party. The smoke from his cigarette blew past me as I tried not to choke over the stale and vile taste it gave me; I detested the smoking even more because it reminded me of a dark place in my life that I just wanted to forget. I'll just keep my head turned towards my door so it doesn't bother me so much…

He sounded pleased with himself when I had called and asked him to come pick me up. I wish I could have said the same for myself. It came out as more of a demand when I asked him. I basically said I just wanted to go out and get drunk tonight; he didn't seem to have a problem with that.

I'm doing this for myself though… At least, I think I am. Why else would I be doing this? I'm not jealous… Why would I be jealous of Santana and her new _secret lover_? She can have the slut if she wants her so damn bad.

_Wow._

_ He's getting really handsy tonight._

I guess it _has_ been a few days since we've seen each other. I feel kind of bad about pushing him away, so I'll just go along with it. Maybe wearing this dress wasn't such a great idea… Although I really wanted to dress for the occasion; I decided to wear my white with black polka dot dress, and a yellow cardigan sweater along with my red heals and a red headband. I might as well look the part if I'm going to _finally_ attend one of his 1950's parties. He looks good too, but that doesn't take very much effort on his part. He's wearing a simple plain white t-shirt with jeans and dress shoes. He had taken off his leather jacket when he picked me up and wrapped it around me because I was getting cold, and he also likes to drive with the top down on his convertible. He _can_ be a gentleman when he wants to. Maybe this won't be such a bad night after all...

_If only his hand would stop exploring the inside of my thigh so diligently._

_Shouldn't that be turning me on right now?_

* * *

When we arrived at his estate there was already a sea of countless cars parked all over his lawn and throughout the cul-de-sac that led to his home. It seems the party had already started without him... There were several groups of people standing around outside and I could already hear what sounded like the voice of _Sam Cooke_ playing from inside after he shut off the engine. He came around to my door to let me out.

_That's my guy._

"Hey Robbie! Who's the new babe?!" I saw a group of typical arrogant jocks standing to the left of his front door smoking by some well-manicured bushes. They yelled out to Robert as soon as we started walking up the lit pathway towards the door.

"Lay off dickheads. This is my girlfriend, Quinn. …She's mine." He seemed to be very stern with them and gave them a very threatening glare I hadn't seen before, but then as we got closer to the door he dropped the arm he had wrapped around my shoulder and did some kind of secret handshake with a couple of the guys. They joked around for a second before he put out his cigarette on the sidewalk and opened the door for me to enter. I asked him what that was all about and he said it was just a couple of his buddies giving him a hard time.

* * *

I had been here once before, but I don't think I could ever get over the elaborate Venetian plastered foyer that withheld an enormous crystal chandelier. There were high vaulted ceilings and the floors were fashioned with some kind of rare white Italian marble; to the left of the room there was a grand cherry-wood staircase that curved around to an open view of the second floor. Beautiful landscape paintings of Ireland aligned the walls that led to the open concept room where the main party seemed to be held. His family must be _very_ well off… Apparently he was a spoiled rich kid whose parents spent most of their time away from home. He had mentioned he went to a prestigious all-male boarding school growing up. Considering how well kempt his home was, I assumed they must also have maids to clean up after all these parties he would had. Everything seemed a bit _too_ meticulous considering all the boisterous people that were running amuck through his home.

He introduced me to some people in the large open concept room, and we talked for a while. He then pointed me in the direction of the bar before he _disappeared_. I had no idea where he went off to, but I really didn't over think it or mind. Instead, I decided to take this opportunity to admire the antique furniture around the room and classic decor before sitting down on a white chaise lounge that sat in front of a very large bay window. There was even a grand piano across the room. I was definitely impressed.

I almost feel overwhelmed by the amount of people in here. I don't know _any_ of them, and half of them seem like they just crashed the party to drink. If they aren't dancing, they're standing around, overloading the furniture, or wandering the house doing I don't even want to know what. Where did all these people come from anyways?

Apparently Robert isn't concerned about what they do in his home, because I'm _pretty_ sure there's some kind of orgy… or something _very_ sexual involving multiple people going on in one of the back rooms. I could hear the distant moaning coming from a closed door from far away, even through the crowds of people and the blaring music.

_The atmosphere seems classy._

_But some of the people here. _

_Certainly not._

I decided to get myself a few drinks at the legitimate bar he _actually_ had in his house, complete with a bar tender. I assumed the guy tending the bar was just a friend because of how he was acting and because he didn't I.D. anyone. I'm kind of shocked the police don't just burst into this place and break up these parties… There has to be a decent amount of underage drinking going on around me. Oh well, I'm not going to question it. I might as well join in on the festivities.

* * *

I sat back down on the lounge after having several shots and brought a piña colada back over with me. When I said I wanted to get drunk tonight, I meant it.

I wasn't sitting for very long before a girl I recognized from some my classes decided to sit down next to me and strike up a conversation.

"Hey Quinn! Finally, a familiar face!" She glanced around the crowded room, minding her own drink. "So are you having a good time yet?"

"I am, thank you. This is actually my first time coming to one of the parties here." I smiled at her after my response and continued drinking.

"I've been to a few of them," She said nonchalantly and then laughed. "I just come for the free drinks and to flirt with the guys to be honest."

She crossed her legs towards me and took a sip of her drink. The red-head seemed like a nice girl. She didn't speak much in our classes but we managed to chat a few times here and there. I feel terrible right now… because I can't actually remember her name. I think its Christine or …Cheryl… or something… but I don't want to sound stupid if I get it wrong.

"So the guy who throws these parties, huh! I don't actually know him, but, I've heard some interesting things about that one!" She leaned her left arm across the back of the seat and turned her body towards me in excitement about her gossip.

"_What_… What are you talking about? You mean, Robert?" I furrowed my eyebrows at her and fidgeted with the drink in my lap. What was she getting at?

"Yeah, I think that's his name. Not many people here actually know him. Just the stories. Supposedly he has a girlfriend here with him tonight too. That's a _real_ shocker." She had genuinely sounded surprised in her statement.

"What do you mean?" I swallowed the lump that had developed in my throat and took a deep breath, unsure of what to say. Why is she surprised to hear Robert has a girlfriend? She was talking about me. Did she not know it was me?

_Apparently not, but I don't want to give myself away._

"Let's just say, that I've heard he's not exactly the type. Just rumors though. He's like a commitment-phobe, and a womanizer, _supposedly_." She rolled her eyes after her remark and smirked, seeming fully satisfied that she had just dished out a delicious piece of gossip.

_What is she talking about?_

I tilted my head back on the seat and chugged what was left of my drink. She can't possibly be serious. That can't be Robert. He's been trying to get really serious with me. That sounds nothing like him.

Yet again, I'm already seeing a whole new side to him tonight. Who is this guy anyways? Who am I even dating?! Am I being one of those naïve girls that I hate so much? Where is he right now, is he off somewhere cheating on me or something? He left me all alone at _his_ party and I'm supposed to be his girlfriend, yet I don't even know where he is.

_Ugh._

"I need another drink," I shot up from my seat and patted down my dress as I turned to face the girl. I felt myself blushing from the overwhelming feelings that were coming over me, and the alcohol doing its job. I _really_ do need another drink though; my mind is turning into a mess. I'm starting to feel insecure about coming here in the first place. I honestly didn't want to be here. I knew this was a bad idea. Maybe a few more drinks will make it better somehow.

"Suit yourself sweetie. I'll save your seat. You go get em' girl!" She cheered me on as I spun around and walked towards the bar. I sat down at one of the seats to have the first drink and pulled out my phone. It's 10:07. Where is Robert!? I haven't seen him for a while now. I didn't expect him to just abandon me like this when we got here. He was the one who kept begging me to come to his parties. I have a feeling we're going to be fighting about this later. Our first fight, I can't freakin' wait.

Ugh, why did I come here tonight anyways? This was an absolutely terrible idea. I am so regretting this…

_Yup, I remember now._

_Damn you Santana!_

I wonder if her girlfriend has posted any pictures of them yet. They're probably sickening to look at anyways. Do I really want to see them though? Why am I torturing myself like this…? Ugh, Quinn, there are so many things wrong with you. I want to see what she looks like though. Is she happy with her? I have to know.

…...

_She looks... _

_Stunning._

That Jessica girl certainly isn't messing around; she's already uploaded a _ton_ of pictures of them. Santana looks really happy too …and hot. She certainly took that girls advice tonight. I guess I can't really be upset with her though. I have no right to be. This whole thing is so beyond ridiculous. Why am I so concerned about who she's with anyways?

It looks like Rachel and Kurt are out with them too. So Rachel _did_ know about this all along and just didn't feel like telling me? I thought she was my best friend? Maybe Santana didn't want me to know about it. I don't understand why she would try and hide this from me.

I need to just finish these drinks and stop looking at these pictures. Staring at them like this isn't going to do me any good. It's just making my stomach churn wildly, and that's not a good idea after how much I've already had to drink. How many have I actually had anyways? I've never had this much to drink before, that's for sure.

* * *

"There's my doll. Miss me?"

He whispered into my left ear and wrapped his arms around my waist. He felt warm, and smelled of alcohol and cigarettes. Had he been off drinking somewhere? I didn't see him at the cigarette scent is fresh too.

I unconsciously leaned back into him and nodded despite my questions. Aren't I supposed to be verbally attacking him right now or something?

"Have I mentioned how beautiful you look tonight? I'm sorry I disappeared on you; my friend got back from the military this week and decided to crash the party. I had to see him. Bro stuff. I should have told you. Please forgive me doll." He spoke sweetly.

_Awww… _

I grinned in response to his heartfelt apology. Now I feel bad about letting my mind wander earlier and doubting him like that. He must have really wanted to see his friend. Either that, or I'm a _really_ gullible drunk.

I squirmed in his arms and started giggling. Wait, why am I giggling? What's so funny?

Ugh, I can feel these drinks starting to hit me all at once. Maybe I shouldn't have had that much. I guess I lost count at some point.

_So never drinking alone again._

_Oh, he's tickling me…_

"Care to forgive me in a dance? I'd love to dance with you if you'd let me have the, _pleasure,_" He nipped the corner of my ear and stopped tickling me as he waited for me to respond.

"The pleasure is all mine!"

He stepped back and reached his hand out. I threw my left arm into the air wildly and nearly fell off my seat as I reached for his hand.

_And just when I thought the alcohol couldn't hit me any harder. _

"Let's go!" I grabbed his hand and sprinted to the middle of the room that acted as the dance floor.

We stopped somewhere near the middle of the crowd of dancers. He wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me into him, closing any distance between us. I wrapped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder, watching the other couples as they danced around us. This feels nice…

_These people are making me dizzy._

_Why are they moving around so much?_

It wasn't him that felt nice; it was really the idea of being this close in an embrace with someone on a dance floor. I closed my eyes and imagined I was somewhere else. Then, for just a moment. For a wonderful, blissful moment. It felt like I was dancing with _her,_ again.

I felt too relaxed from the alcohol to even question where my mind was wandering. I was simply content in letting myself believe I was in someone else's arms. That was until I felt a pair of _very _different hands than the ones I remembered work their way down to my ass as we continued dancing.

Then reality set in.

I took in his scent, the way his body met up against mine, the way he held me, the way in which we moved together out of sync, the feeling of his greasy hair as I ran my fingers through it.

It was all wrong. It wasn't what I wanted. This _isn't_ what I want.

_What am I doing?_

_I feel so lost right now._

_And dizzy…_

_I wish I could think clearly so I could understand what this all means._

* * *

"You alright, doll?" He pulled away abruptly interrupting his dancing to reach his arms up to my shoulders and interrupting my personal rhythm. He looked me in the eyes with a worried look. The innermost part of his eyebrows tilted upwards with hesitant concern.

"I'm fine," I artificially smiled at him and leant in to kiss his cheek. I should have kissed him on the lips… but for some reason I avoided that location entirely. He seemed satisfied with my response and then he kissed _me_ on the lips gently before pulling me in to continue dancing, placing his hand on my hips and swaying us in a slow and rhythmic motion that locked in tune with the song that had just begun playing.

"Good, I love this song, and I'm the luckiest guy in the room right now."

He began singing the lyrics into my ear in a low masculine tone. I began to feel nauseous at the previous contact and from the sound of his voice vibrating against my ear. I had been so used to hearing his voice, but in this moment it felt foreign, and unwelcomed. I'm sure he could feel me tensing up in his arms as he sang to me.

"It's by the _Five Satins_ doll; _In the Still of the Night_ is the name. I could serenade you with these lyrics all night long if you'd let me. I'd give anything to be close to you right now. Do you wanna ditch this place?" He began placing gentle kisses onto my ear and then began trailing down my neck.

You want to be close to me?! Isn't this close enough?! Ugh, I'm starting to sweat. It's so damn hot in here. I feel like I'm going to be sick. I need to go sit down.

I didn't even respond to him. I just gently pulled away from his embrace, looked him in the eyes, and then ran off the dance floor. I didn't even turn around to see his reaction. He is definitely going to be upset with me.

I sat down on the end of a sectional couch in the corner of the room. There weren't many people over here and I just needed to sit down somewhere for a moment. I pulled my phone out from my sweater pocket and it was still open to Facebook.

I refreshed the page to see if there were any more pictures of Santana. I don't even know why, I just wanted to see her face. I thought the pictures were hilarious for some reason and started laughing at them. I was actually laughing at myself for feeling this way. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Laughing seemed like the easier option. I continued to laugh as I scrolled through the many pictures.

Then I saw that she had been tagged in a 4 minute video. I don't know what possessed me to, but I hit play and leant down towards the screen so that I could hear and see it without being distracted by the rampant clamor that surrounded me.

I watched.

I listened.

I felt.

I lost touch with my current location. I wasn't here. I wasn't intoxicated beyond my own self-control. I was there with her, and she was singing to _me_. Those words affected me deeply; I believed them. She was singing to me, and it felt real. I needed to call her. I had said I would call her earlier.

Why didn't I call her? I need to know what's going on… Maybe if I just dial her number and hear her voice…

_Ugh!_

My phone has no service in here right now. I need to talk to her. I don't even know what to say… I'll say anything though. I don't care.

I rested my upper body and slumped over onto the arm of the couch to the right of me. Then I felt someone plop down ungracefully next to me on the couch. He sat with his legs spread and crossed his arms. He looked resentful…

"You wanna tell me why you left me out there like a douche-bag and ran off like that? Or are you too _good _for that?"

It was Robert. Crap… What can I even say to him?

Oh, sorry dear, I was imagining you were someone else? I don't feel that way about you? It bothers me when you kiss and touch me?

_I have the hots for my former best friend?_

I really need to talk to Santana right now, maybe then I can make some sense out of all of this.

I feel so dominated by my emotions right now. I wish I could just regain some sense of control.

_Quinn Fabray does not lose control._

_But apparently those drinks disagree with me._

_I'm starting to get a really bad headache._


	5. In the still of the night Part 2

**Quinn's POV**

_What am I doing?!_

Santana is out with her girlfriend having an amazing time, and I'm sitting here on a couch drunk out of my mind treating my boyfriend like shit, all because of her. She's probably out at some bar using her fake I.D.

I haven't even used mine since that night.

_Rosario Cruz_

You're the reason I'm sitting here slumped over on a couch right now, ignoring my boyfriend, and completely wasted. I need to confront her. I need to just tell her how I feel, and how confused I am right now. She needs to know what she's done to me.

_My body feels numb._

_I think I'm going to be sick._

"I need, I need to use the phone. Do you have a phone?" I mumbled into the arm of the couch, not even making sense out of why _that's_ the very first thing I said to him after ditching him on the dance floor.

"Um, yeah. I do. Follow me."

I got up and managed to somehow withhold an upright position without falling over, and followed him into another room. He said some things under his breath as we entered, and he left the door open behind us.

* * *

It was a study with a loveseat, and there was a cordless phone on the desk. I took the phone and then sat down. Robert warily sat down next to me before he reached for my left arm. He began placing gentle open mouthed kisses starting with my hand and gradually worked his way up my forearm before going back down.

I completely ignored his advances and looked up her number on my contact list before putting my phone back away. I then dialed it onto the cordless phone. I had to redial several times because I kept dialing the wrong number. Why is it so important that I do this right now again? Maybe I should just hang up.

_I really hope I called the right number this time._

"Who you callin' doll?" He spoke softly as he continued to steadily kiss my arm.

"Just a friend," I sharply and speedily answered him. Hoping he couldn't somehow see everything I was so _desperately_ trying to hide from him in that lost moment.

_Three rings… _

_Please answer!_

Maybe she's busy fucking her girlfriend. The thought of that just makes me sick! Here I am calling her, and I can barely even stand up. I don't even know what I'm doing anymore…

Maybe I should hang up, this is so stupid. She _so_ doesn't deserve to hear my voice right now. She's been avoiding me all this time, and doesn't have the decency to just to tell me that she doesn't want to see me. There's no way I'm going to New York on Friday. This was a stupid idea. I need to just hang up, and… Robert needs to stop whatever the hell he's doing right now, and take me home.

"Hello?"

_Shit!_

It's her. It's actually her. What do I say?! I wish I hadn't done this. Oh, Quinn, this is just hilarious. I need to answer her now.

_Wait._

Hello?! Is that all she has to say to me after two months of not speaking? Is she serious?! She's out drinking with her girlfriend and she just says. _Hello_. I can't believe I ever got myself into this mess of a night.

"Hello yourself, _Rosario._" I answered her in a playful and partially aggressive tone. I can't believe _her_.

What was that? Did she just drop the phone?!

_Hahaha!_

Oh this is priceless. She's shocked that I actually called her. She's tried to avoid me and now she's a nervous wreck that I confronted her. She can't escape me now. I'm going to give it to her straight. If the room will stop moving for just two seconds, maybe, just maybe I can think of something witty to say.

"Cat got your tongue babe?" Yes! That was perfect.

_Muah! _

I began kissing the phone. I have no idea why I just did that. But if it's fucking with her head, then it's just hilarious. She's not even speaking. Maybe the cat really has got her tongue.

_Silly pussy._

"…Meow?" Yes! Hahaha! This is great. She _does_ like her pussy…

_This was the best idea ever! _

_I am so messing with her head right now!_

Robert saw the state I was entering and began reaching his hand up my dress. I'm not sure what he's doing. It feels a little funny…

Hey, that tickles!

_Oh!_

No he can't do this. I'm on the phone!

"Stop that, Robert!"

Oh…. That feels good. Santana…. Is that you touching me?

_Mmmmm…._

No! It's still him. Damn-it! He needs to stop it. I don't want her to know what's going on, she'll hate me.

"No! I'm talking to my friend…"

He reached his calloused and rugged hand further up my dress and I could feel him kissing my outer thigh.

What the hell is he doing?!

"Don't!"

_God that feels good…_

_No! I'm drunk. I'm not letting him take advantage of me. _

_What is wrong with him!_

He needs to stop it! Right now!

"Robert!" I used my free hand and gave him the biggest slap across the face I could muscle.

"Ouch!" He pulled away and got up to stand in front of me before glaring at me. Well… he deserved it. He wasn't backing off. No means no…

"Fine, be that way…" He looks furious. He's leaving the room though. Good. Now I can continue my business call. I can talk to my lesbian, lover, friend… _whatever _she is. I can talk to her now.

"What do you want?!" Oh no… she doesn't sound happy. What did I do? I just want to hear her beautiful voice. I love that raspy Latina tone!

"I want to hear your voice, of course!" I really do, and I told her the truth. I want to hear her voice again.

Please speak Sat-Sat… How do I say her name?! Did I seriously just forget that? I could kill you Quinn! You're messing this up!

"And what in the hell makes you think I would want to hear yours?!" Oh no. She sounds really angry now. I haven't heard her like this in a long time. It's kind of funny actually, and _really_ hot.

"Uh-oh! Satan mad…" that's not her name. Ugh! It sounded funny though. Wait. She's talking to me… so she's _not_ fucking her girlfriend?!

Maybe she finished that already. Wow. That was quick! She's hot; I really thought she'd be better than that.

"Your new girlfriend is smoking' hot! …Is she any good Sannie?" Let's see what she has to say for herself! Her girlfriend can't be better than me. I saw her "O" face. There's just no way.

"What are you talking about Quinn? I don't have a girlfriend…" Wow, she sounds serious. She's acting like she doesn't know what I'm talking about. Oh, I _know._

She can't be serious though. I saw the post _and _the pictures! Why is she lying to me? She doesn't have to hide this from me anymore; I just want to know the truth!

"Mhmmm…, you don't have to hide it from me Santa…" Ugh. That's not her name either!

Santana…

_Her name is Santana_

_That is such a beautiful name._

_I wonder where it's from._

_It sounds even better when I'm screaming it._

Wait a minute. She's not answering me. Oh my god?! _Is_ her girlfriend better than me?

"Is she better than… me?" I need to know. I don't know why… Ugh. Maybe this is too personal. What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I doing this? This _has_ to be the alcohol talking.

"Quinn, _please_ don't do this to me. I don't know what in the hell is going on… but I really don't want to play these fucking mind games with you right now!"

Oh my god. She's right. I'm so beyond gone right now. I can't believe I'm saying these things. What is wrong with me?! I'm upsetting her. I'm so sorry… I'm sorry Santana. Please don't be angry with me. I just need to tell you what's really going on. That I… I have feelings for you. I don't know what it means, but I've been thinking about you and, and I can't even touch my boyfriend anymore. I need to tell her that. She needs to know the truth.

_I miss you so much!_

Oh my god… Maybe she doesn't have a girlfriend. Maybe that's just a friend or something. What have I done?

_What am I even saying?_

I need to pull myself together. I can do this for her; I can do this for us. I'm going to start crying… This hurts _so_ damn much. I shouldn't have called her like this. I shouldn't have come to this party tonight. I shouldn't have gotten drunk. My head feels like its going to explode right now.

What is wrong with me? I've ruined everything! If she wasn't my friend before, she certainly won't be now. Now I've started crying, this is great. Good job Quinn.

"I'm so sorry I called you like this! Please forgive me…" I hope she can understand me, because I can't understand myself anymore.

_I'm going to be sick. _

My chest aches and I feel like I'm going to throw up…

"No, _I'm_ sorry Quinn. I just can't do this right now… Call me when you're sober or something…"

She sounds really upset now and like she wants this conversation to be over.

Shit! No!

She doesn't understand! I need to make her understand; I need to tell her how I feel! Why can't I just talk to her? My head hurts _so_ bad… I need to concentrate and form some words. I can do this.

"Santana! Please! Wait! I really need to tell you how I feel about you and why I called you like this!"

_No!_

"Santana?"

"Please answer me!"

I can speak now. I got the words out, I think…

"Santana?!"

_She hung up._

_She's gone._

_I'm gonna be sick now…_

I lunged off the couch and threw-up into the brown trash can next to the desk. Robert is going to kill me!

_Robert._

What have I done! Where is he? I need to find him and apologize. I hope he can forgive me for this, maybe he'll understand…

* * *

I managed to stand up and stumbled out of the room holding onto walls and furniture to aid my balance as I looked around. The room was rotating rapidly, so I leaned my back up against the doorway and turned my head. I couldn't move. Too much moving… Then I saw him on the other side of the doorway.

"Quinn? What the hell?! Are you okay?"

"I feel sick… I can't move. I need to go home. _Please,_ take me home."

"You got it doll. I'll take you home _alright_," He smirked after he quipped his remark.

He left the doorway and then I saw him reappear a moment later. I was trying to look around me but I could barely make out any of the figures in the room. I hope I don't have alcohol poisoning.

I felt him pick me up as I lifted off the ground. The motion of him carrying me caused me to feel violently ill. He brought me out to his car and sat me down gingerly before he started driving us. Hasn't he been drinking too? Is this really such a good idea right now? I can't make out his expression. I hope he isn't too upset with me.

I'm pretty sure I just got sick in his car... I've made such a fool of myself tonight, and lost all control. I never do this. This _isn't_ me. I'm have so many regrets right now. Can I just rewind the clock back a few hours, please?

_Once I sober up, I'm never drinking again._

_Ever._

* * *

The car stopped outside the dorms and I felt him lift me up again. I noticed our apartment as we approached the building. I tilted my head back in his arms and looked up at the night sky, and at the moon.

_I wonder if Santana is looking at the moon right now._

The door was unlocked and I saw him kick it open. I felt him walk me over to my bed and he lay me down onto my wonderfully comfortable bedding. He was leaning over me on the bed now.

Where's my roommate? I don't see her in here. I could have sworn she said she was staying home tonight…

_What is that?_

What is he doing? Is he… is he undressing me?

"What are you doing Robert? I need to go to sleep."

"You're funny doll, believe me, you're _not_ going to sleep anytime soon." I could hear him laughing at me.

"Wh-What are you talking about?"

My head wasn't registering what he was doing. I felt him take off my sweater and then one of his arms reached around my back and he began unzipping my dress.

_Oh, Shit!_

Then it registered.

_Oh my God._

"Stop it! What the fuck are you doing Robert?!" I rolled out from under him and hit the floor off the side of the bed. Then I pulled myself up off the ground and ran for the door with my dress still partially unzipped in the back, practically hanging off my shoulders.

He ran after me. I could see the devilish gleam in his eyes. He shoved me into the dresser before grabbing my arms, pushing them upwards, and forcefully pinning me flush against the wall next to the door.

_That hurt a little. I have a feeling I'm going to feel that in the morning._

_I thought I was too numb to feel anything?_

_ I guess I was wrong._

"You're such a fucking cock tease, you know that?" He slapped me across the left side of my face and started putting his hands all over me, intentionally being rough with me. Then he started kissing me.

Oh my god! What is happening?! Get the hell off of me!

I reached one of my now free hands up and dug my nails deep into his face, while trying to push him away with the other. He needs to get off of me _right_ now!

"Get off of me!" I screamed at him. He stepped back for a moment and unmercifully laughed at me as he used one of hands to check the deep claw-like marks I had etched into his left cheek. They seemed to only make him angrier with me.

"This is _going_ to happen tonight. You can't stop it. You have two options here, either you can stop fighting it, and enjoy it, or I can _enjoy_ you fighting it. So, what is it going to be doll?!" His voice became menacing and he looked infuriated. He pushed me back up against the wall again as blood dripped from his face, down his neck, and onto his white t-shirt. He slammed his left hand into the wall directly next to my left ear as he made a fist.

_Okay, that was really loud._

I hadn't stopped him. This was still happening. I looked at him nervously, hoping he might stop. But, he showed me no mercy.

_I can't believe this is happening._

I need to fight him off and scream. I never imagined this could happen to me, but I can try and defend myself. I have to. I can't let him touch me. He repulses me.

I lifted my right leg up and kneed him between the legs before side-stepping away from him and out from under his arm that was still flush against the wall by my face. As he dropped to the ground, he turned around and pulled me down with him before hitting me in the face, _again_.

_Okay._

_That one really hurt. I think he hit my left eye that time._

I kicked him in the face with my heel as he lay on the ground next to my legs.

He seemed to be in a lot of pain now, as he wasn't moving much. He wasn't coming at me anymore. I could hear him grunting angrily. I took this opportunity and used a couple of self-defense moves I had learned a few years ago. I'm not sure how much force I actually applied because I was still very much impaired, I felt sick, and I was in a lot of pain. But, I fought him off as best as I could.

"Leave me the fuck alone! …Help!" I screamed again. I needed this to end _now_. I didn't have the strength to fight him off much longer. It was becoming too much for me.

I reached for my roommates bedding to pull myself up from behind me and collapsed to the floor. I was completely drained. I just looked at him whimpering in front of me. I was afraid, but I wasn't going to let this happen, I couldn't. If I had to die fighting him off, I was going to.

All of a sudden the bathroom door to the right of the room flew open, and then I saw my roommate. She had come running out in her bathrobe with wet hair that was dripping onto the floor as she moved. She must have been in the shower; that's why she didn't hear the struggle... I breathed a sigh of relief and started crying. This was finally over.

"What the fuck is going on out here?! Oh my god, Quinn! are you okay!?" She reached her hands up to cover her mouth for a moment and I saw pure shock sweep across her face. She dropped her hand and turned to him.

"You fucking piece of shit scumbag! What the fuck do you think you're doing?! Get the hell out of my apartment _right now_ before I fucking kill you! I'm going to call the cops if you don't get your ass out of here in three fucking seconds! So help me god, I will end your life _right_ now!" She stood over him with a face befitting of bitter hatred and pure rage. He was quivering in pain on the floor in front of me. He slowly pulled himself up off the floor and staggered towards the door.

_Who was this odious man?_

_This isn't the Robert I knew._

I must have done more damage to him then I thought. Ironically, I have Santana to thank for that. She was the one who showed me how to defend myself back in High School. Although, I never thought I'd ever actually have to use any of it.

He stood in the doorway palming where I had cut and then kicked him in the face. There was blood dripping down his hand. He took one last look at me; shot me a death glare, and then he disappeared into the night.

My roommate immediately moved to the door behind him and locked the doorknob, the deadbolt, and then the chain before turning back to me.

* * *

"Quinn… Are you okay?! Please say something, anything, let me know you're alright."

"I'm not sure. I-I drank a lot tonight. I can't really tell. My side hurts …and my face too."

"Yeah. He got you pretty good. I'm going to go get you some water, medicine, and medical supplies. Be right back."

She left the room and came back with everything she needed in a brown wicker basket and held a pitcher of water in the other hand. The shock of what happened had previously sobered me up quite a bit. Kind of like the fight or flight response I had learned about in my Psychology class. I was still out of it though.

She helped me get my dress off and wrapped me in my silk robe, because I was in too much pain to do it myself. She told me I had a very large bruise on my right side where the ribs met my back. I also had a bloody lip and a black eye, along with a few other bruises here and there. I suppose it could have been much worse…

She got up and left the room again to get me some ice, and then she cleaned my wounds as we sat on her bed. She iced my eye for several minutes to keep it from swelling.

* * *

As the alcohol wore off, the pain had set in. The more the pain set in, the more the realities of the evening came _flooding_ in. I remember the excessive drinking. I remember the dancing. I remember the phone call. I can't remember exactly what I said, but I do remember saying something _really_ careless and Santana being upset with me. I know she hung up on me; as I cried and had a panic attack. Then I remember asking Robert to take me home… and ending up here, where he tried to force himself on me.

This night has been pure hell. My roommate is just sitting here with me now, and massaging my back; telling me I'm going to be okay and that it could have been so much worse.

She's right. I'm alive. I've heard some really messed up stories, and my dad used to hit my mom growing up, so I'm no stranger to abuse.

Ugh. I need to talk to Rachel and hear the soothing sound of her voice. It's after 12:30 already, hopefully she's still awake.

_I feel so alone right now._

Forget what just happened. I just hope that I haven't lost Santana on top of everything else. I need to tell Rachel what happened, I have to talk to someone.

_Thank god my phone is still in my sweater pocket. _

* * *

I dialed her number, but she didn't answer. So I left a voice-mail and told her it was urgent. I tried her again a minute later, and she still didn't answer. I left another voice-mail and told her it was an _emergency _this time. I was about to call her again when my phone rang, It was her. I answered on the first ring without a moment of hesitation.

"Oh, Rachel… thank god you're there! I need to talk to you," I felt a wave of relief sweep across my entire body because I was getting to speak to my best friend after one of the worst nights of my entire life. I started crying, not so much because of what had happened, but because I was so thankful to be able to hear her voice. I was relieved that I hadn't lost contact with the people closest to me after everything that I had been through. For a few moments tonight, I had felt disconnected from the rest of the world, as if nothing would ever be the same again.

"Hey Quinn, I sincerely apologize for not answering right away. Santana had," She paused for a moment before speaking again. "Wait, are you crying? Are you alright? What's wrong?"

I let out a laugh combined with a sigh of relief. This night has been so ridiculous laughing felt appropriate. My roommate hugged me gently from behind while I struggled to start talking again. I wasn't going to lie to her. I've caused enough trouble avoiding confrontation. I needed to just tell her what happened and be completely honest with her. She's my best friend; she deserves to know the truth.

_No more secrets, no more holding back._

"No Rach. No, I'm not," I let out an extremely profound and extended exhale before speaking again. "I went to Robert's party tonight. I got completely wasted. Then I called Santana drunk… mind you I'm still recovering from the drinking. After I got off the phone with Santana, I asked my boyfriend to take me home, and he did… and then… he basically tried to rape me in my dorm room," A new wave of tears fell out as I finished telling her what had happened. My chest became heavy and I strained to suppress the emotions that were overwhelming me. My roommate ran her fingers through my hair and circled her other hand gently on my lower back in attempt to soothe me. There was a long silence before I heard Rachel's voice again.

"…Did he…?" She asked overly cautious. As if she was terrified to know the answer. I couldn't wait to respond; I wouldn't allow her fear to grow any longer.

"No. He didn't. I'm okay. Well…, he beat me up pretty badly. I'm pretty messed up," I actually managed to laugh at myself amidst the crying before I continued, "I managed to fight him off somehow, and then my roommate intervened," I let out another long drawn-out sigh. "I have a few bruises and cuts, but I'll be alright." There was another long period of silence before she spoke again.

"Oh my god! I'm so sorry Quinn! I- I don't know what to say. I'm just so sorry you had to go through that. I'm so glad you'll be alright. But… How are you emotionally? …And did you go to the hospital-"

"-No, I'm not okay _emotionally_," I laughed again, "I'm pretty _messed up_ right now. Like I said, I _wasn't_ referring to myself physically. Let's just say that it's been a _really_ long night."

"Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Are you positive _you're_ okay?" She answered me sounding hesitant. I needed to ask her about Santana. I needed to know if Santana was alright after that phone call. Was she angry? How did she react? Rachel needed to tell me, and she needed to be completely honest with me. I leaned my right elbow on my knee and reached my hand up above my right brow to support my head before I spoke up.

"Yes. Rach, please don't lie to me. I've been through enough tonight, and you need to be honest with me about this. I need to know what's going on with Santana. I know you were with her tonight… Is _she_ okay?"

I waited for her to respond and could hear her walking somewhere before I heard a door shut in the background.

"Alright. She hit her head, and then blacked out on us. She's seems to be doing better now, Jess is with her on her bed and we're taking care of her-"

"-Oh my god! What happened?! I'm so sorry! I'm so unbelievably sorry! I didn't-"

"Quinn. Calm down, please. She's going to be fine, just like you are, I promise you. We are taking very good care of her-"

"-I know, I know. I'm just," I sighed into the phone again. "I'm glad her girlfriend is with her right now. She needs someone to take care of her-"

"-Wait, what? Okay, Jess isn't her girlfriend Quinn. She's a doctor, well, she's actually San's new friend. They met the other night at some bar or something and they're like totally best friends now. It's weird, I know. But, I know for a fact that Santana and her are _not_ dating. Jess is in med school and she's just taking care of her until I get off the phone with you. I'm going to sleep with Santana tonight to keep an eye on her, and Jess is going home."

_Oh._

There's that complete and utter moment of clarity that makes you realize you really _fucked _things up. I can't believe I freaked out about all this in the way that I did without even clarifying anything first. I just automatically assumed the worst after everything I saw.

I _also_ inadvertently proved to myself that I have some feelings for Santana in the process.

_It is so not normal to react in the way that I did tonight._

_And that phone call, ugh._

_I wish I could take that back._

Oh my god. Does Rachel know about that? Is what happened to Santana my fault?!

"I didn't know. I just assumed… I'm so stupid, I can't believe I-"

"Please, don't say things like that. You've been through _so _much tonight. Don't you dare do that to yourself! None of this is your fault. Please don't blame yourself. Life just… happens. I'm so sorry. I wish I could take care of both of you right now. I wish I could be in two places at once. You know you're my best friend and I'd do anything for you. I wish I was there-" She started crying as she pleaded with me. Oh god, this poor girl. She's had to handle so much tonight. She didn't feel any of the physical pain, but she's emotionally carrying everyone else's burdens.

"I'm sorry. You're right. I won't, I won't blame myself. I'm so sorry about Santana. I hope she's alright-"

I paused and locked away my doubts before asking her what was on the forefront of my mind.

"-Did… did she happen to say anything about me tonight? Did she say anything about the phone call?"

"Quinn. I know that you were the one who called her. I knew before you just revealed it to me-"

"-What?! How do you know? What did she tell you?" This can't be good.

"I know," she took a moment for herself before continuing. "Look, technically, she didn't tell me anything-"

"-What? Then how-" I didn't understand how she knew about the phone call if Santana hadn't mentioned it. It just didn't make any sense.

"Will you please allow me to finish!" She sounded upset. She wasn't angry with me. This was sad Rachel…

"Sorry…"

"_Please_, don't apologize for anything. Anyways, I know this because, when she was unconscious… or whatever she _was_ for that half a minute after she hit her head… She said your name, she called it out like she was dying or something… or she thought you were there in the room. I don't know… I'm not going to ask her any questions about any of this. But there's your answer. Oh, and we also checked her phone. So seeing your name on the Caller I.D. sort of gave you away too."

What does this mean? _Could_ it mean anything? Should I start getting all crazy and over-analyzing everything all over again? Too much has happened tonight. I can't do that to myself. I'm just going to call her tomorrow at some point, as a friend, and apologize for tonight; preferably using as little details as humanly possible.

"Quinn, are you still there?"

"I'm here, sorry. I was just thinking. Rough night…"

_That's the understatement of the year._

"You can say that again. So, since you demanded that I tell you about what happened to _her_. Would you like for me to tell her about what happened to _you_ when I go back in the room?"

"No, please, don't tell her. Well, I can't and _won't_ hide it from her, I'm past that. You can tell her tomorrow, okay? I just don't want to cause her any more problems tonight than I already have. I've really made a mess of things."

"Alright, that's fair. I'm not even going to ask what any of that means by the way. Are you still coming to New York on Friday? Considering everything that has transpired tonight, are you going to even be up to that?"

That's a legitimate question. Tonight _has_ been really rough. I'm probably going to need some kind of PTSD therapy or something after this... I did kind of unleash all hell tonight for Santana and me. Although, I promised Rachel I wouldn't blame myself for any of this. Maybe she's right. This _is_ no one's fault. People make mistakes, and life happens. Santana _doesn't_ have a girlfriend. She was being honest with me about that. Rachel also said she called out my name tonight. Was it because of the phone call? Why did she say my name like it was the last name she was ever going to say?

_What does this all mean?_

_I need to find out._

"Quinn? Are you-"

"Yes, I'm coming."

"Oh. Are you sure, because if you feel it to be too burdensome, I underst-"

"-I'm positive."

"Alright, well. I really need to get back in the room and tend to Santana. You know I love you so much Quinn. I'm so sorry you had to go through that tonight. I hope your-he dies from some horrible disfiguring disease, his actions were deplorable. I can't wait to see you and I'm warning you in advance, that _when_ I see you step off that train, I'm going to give you the biggest hug that anyone has ever given anyone, okay?"

"You're adorable Rach. Thank you. And I'll make a note of that. Just watch out for my 'battle wounds' when you jump me on Friday, will you? And take care of Sannie for me."

"I can try and do that, I suppose. You take care of yourself too, okay? I'll call you tomorrow if that's alright. I really need to get going; I wish I didn't have to-"

"That's perfectly fine. Can you do me a favor when you go back in to take care of San though?"

"What do you want me to do? I refuse to-"

"-Can you please give her a hug for me? Just… just don't tell her it's from me."

"I suppose I can furnish that request."

"Thanks." I let out another sigh. "Night Rach, I'm so sorry about everything that happened tonight. I'm sorry you have to worry about all this. You're a really good friend, you know that? I'm sorry if I sometimes don't give you enough credit for that. Please don't worry too much about me tonight. I'll be okay. I have my roommate, so I won't be alone." I heard her sniffle into the phone after I finished.

"Thanks Quinn. I'll try my best, and I'm glad you're not alone. I'm so thankful you and Santana are alright. I honestly don't know what I'd do if I lost either one of you. Goodnight Quinn. I love you."

"Love you too Rach."

I hung up and let out a struggled exhale as I lay down onto my back. I was just about to internalize everything before my roommate interrupted my train of thought.

"Quinn, come in the bathroom, I have a surprise for you sweetie."

I got up off her bed and walked towards the bathroom. Sometime during the phone call my roommate had left me and wandered off.

_Awwww._

"I figured seeing as how sore you are that you might want to take a bath, so I put in some of my bath salts and drew you a soothing hot bath. It always relaxes me after I've had a really bad day, or when my back starts hurting me. I even took the liberty of lighting a few candles around the room for you. Some aroma therapy if you will…"

This was so sweet and thoughtful! It also sounds really, _really_ nice.

This was just what I needed. I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown and I may have gone off the deep end if it wasn't for my best friend Rachel and my roommate Melanie. How did I ever get so lucky? I don't deserve any of this.

Melanie left the room and I got together some of my things before re-entering the bathroom and shutting the door behind me. I got a hair tie from the vanity and loosely put my hair up, allowing several strands to carelessly fall around my face. I slipped off the robe, shut off the light, and cautiously got into the tub. This feels amazing...

At first it was a little painful, but after a few minutes it soothed my bruises and dulled the pain. It relaxed the tension in my muscles. I felt as though it was washing away the evils of the day. All I needed was some music.

I was about to put on the Feist/Sucré playlist on my phone, but first I decided to listen to a _little _something else.

I opened up my Facebook, went to her page, and pressed play.

_No my darling._

_I need __**you**__ now._

* * *

**A/N: **Hopefully the "In the still of the night" chapter clarified a lot of things, or at least allowed you to see them in a different light. Thank so so much for reading, reviewing, favorites, and follows. I really appreciate you guys. :D

Also, let me know if you would like to see more from Quinn's POV, some will be necessary regardless. But I can try to go out of my way to write more from her POV if you really enjoyed it.


	6. Midnight train to vengeance

I sat idly on the couch manipulating the Cinnamon Life cereal that remained in my bowl with the spoon as it became soggy. I was lost in deep thought as I listened to the music from my playlist that serenely carried itself out from my room. I had managed to skulk out of my bed without disturbing Rachel. It was just after 10a.m., and I didn't want to bother waking the still very much sleeping and _snoring_ Brunette. It was a rarity for her to _ever_ sleep in this late, so I didn't want to be the bitch to rob her of the apparently much needed extra sleep. That _was_ my intention when I surreptitiously made my way out of the room around fifteen minutes ago, possibly, either that or my ulterior motive was to postpone the conversation she had alluded to last night as long as possible.

It was a rather unusual Sunday morning for several reasons. For one, Lady Hummel wasn't up yet, although I have a feeling someone had a _friend_ spend the night and they were still in the bedroom checking the thread count on the sheets or something. Honestly, what else would those two be doing in there? Rachel was also sleeping in _way_ past what was normal for her after having cried herself to sleep in _my_ bed last night. To top it off, I was awake before 12:00 on the _weekend_. I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep, and it wasn't for a lack of trying, I tossed and turned but just felt too apprehensive and anxious about the day to relax. I've been sitting here running all the scenarios of what Rachel could possibly be thinking about in my head. She just seemed _way_ too upset last night. I know I must have surprised her with my amazing bathroom acrobatic stunt and all, but shit. She wouldn't freak out _that _much just because I had a little accident, would she? I was fine, I'm fine now anyways. Bitches be crazy…

"Adam, do my eyes deceive me… or tis' that thee Santana?" I lifted my head to find Kurt tip-toeing out of his room and into the kitchen.

"It would appear so me lady." Adam trailed behind Kurt and opened the refrigerator door once he reached the kitchen. He was wearing a black French Beret.

"Perhaps we are sleep-walking, or this is just a mirage. It can't possibly be _thy_ Santana, awake, stirring, before the clock strike noonith'." Kurt responded as he began slicing fruit on the kitchen table.

"Oh, where art thou Rachel?" Adam replied loudly and dramatically as he sat down next to Kurt and poured himself a glass of orange juice. I could hear them chuckling amongst themselves. I turned around on the couch and wiggled my index finger at them.

"Alright, first of all, _please _shut the hell up and stop whatever queer version of Shakespeare you two fairies are rehearsing. Second, _Sleeping Beauty_ is still sleeping, so if you could manage to not wake our Disney Princess with your ogling and nauseating Renaissance role-playing, I'd really appreciate that, thanks…" I smirked and blinked at the two of them as I set my cereal bowl on the floor and dropped out of view slumping down into the couch and facepalming in disgust.

"Well, good morning to you too _Cruella De Ville_… Are we feeling any better after last night?" I heard Kurt scoff.

"Kurt, I'm fine…" I snapped in response. I didn't feel like harping on this topic.

"Just checking… So, to what do we owe the pleasure of being graced with your presence so early on a Sunday morning?" Kurt asked me as he was mixing a bowl of fruit.

"Just didn't feel like sleeping anymore...," I shrugged even though I doubt they noticed. "…The Hobbit is still passed out on my bed; I have a feeling I'm going to have to wash the sheets later to get all of her drool out." I rolled my eyes.

I turned on the television and began flipping through the channels before settling on _Three's Company_ reruns. I heard the blender in the kitchen go off and the two of them chatting. Kurt walked up behind me offering a glass full of some pink colored concoction above my head.

"Care for a fruit smoothie?" I nodded and sat up to take the drink from him.

_Mmmm..._

"Strawberry-banana?" I asked Kurt as he walked back to the kitchen.

"Actually it's Strawberry-Mango-Peach, but I did add some banana. I saw it on the cooking channel the other day." Kurt responded as he sat back down and began eating his breakfast.

"Thanks Paula Deen. So… how did the two of you love-birds sleep last night? Or was there not sleeping involved?" I smirked and glanced at the two of them giving a suggestive wink while making inappropriate hand gestures. Adam nearly choked on his cereal and coughed before looking up to Kurt for relief.

"Santana! That is none of your business. Besides, don't forget whose apartment this is. You still barely cover your share of the rent!" Kurt blushed and responded defensively as he widened his eyes.

"Yeah… Thanks for reminding me. It's not like I haven't been looking for work or anything…" I rolled my eyes and responded sarcastically. I hated that I was barely contributing; he didn't have to rub _that_ in. I was living off of my trust fund and had been looking for work for weeks now. I had more than enough saved up, but I was trying to conserve money in case I decided to enroll in school next semester. I needed to talk to Jess about that Club she had mentioned last night. I'd take anything at this point… Well, _almost_ anything. About a week and a half ago I walked into a very questionable Club in Queens for an interview, and it turned out they just wanted to hire me as an exotic dancer. I swear to god if this is even _remotely_ like that place I'm going to strangle Jess and throw her body into the Hudson River. I'm not going to have some nasty-ass sweaty old man getting off thanks to his Viagra while I grind into some filthy pole. God, that's just revolting… I cringed at the thought.

"You do know you're welcome to have people over too if you'd like. We _did_ agree that we could all do… that, as long as…. you know… we keep it down." Kurt tried to alter the bite of his previous remark and sounded uncomfortable as he spoke.

"Um, gross? I really don't want to think about the two of you-"

"-Any special ladies in your life Santana?" Adam chimed in wiggling his eyebrows at me.

Great, just what I wanted to _not_ think about. Thanks. No, there isn't anyone special in my life. I'm a singleton in New York that can't even get a date. I haven't been with anyone in two months, and I have feelings for someone who will probably never want to be with me again and has absolutely no interest in me romantically. Yeah my love life is just fucking peachy... I shook my head at him and let out a frustrated grunt as I threw the remote into the couch beside me. I got up and crossed to the bathroom. I might as well take a shower and get dressed for the day. I certainly didn't want to focus on how depressing my love life _actually_ was, especially so early in the morning.

* * *

It was an overcast day and was lightly raining. A thick fog covered the city skyline. I zipped up my jacket, pulled up the hood, and put in my ear buds before turning on my iPod that I managed to jack out of my room without waking Ru Paul. I loved the smell of a fresh spring rain in the morning...

I made my way down the landing before breaking out into a swiftly paced jog. The rain fell gently enough to provide a pleasant cooling factor as my body became warm from my workout. I turned the corner and ran several blocks before reaching one of the cemeteries. It had become one of my guilty pleasures ever since I started jogging through Bushwick. I slowed my pace as I entered, and took this opportunity to catch my breath. I stretched my calves before taking a seat on a stone bench towards the center of the cemetery. As I had my hand inside my pocket changing my playlist I saw an elderly African-American woman cross the set of gravestones in front of me. She was dressed in mostly black and was carrying a bouquet of white lilies. She stopped in front of a rather large headstone and placed the flowers down as she reached into her purse to retrieve a tissue before wiping at her eyes. I tilted my head and watched her as she stood there holding up her umbrella against the now steady rain. She stood in silence for several minutes before she noticed me watching her and began crossing in between the stones towards me. She took her time, but her destination was clear seeing as there was no one else around.

_Shit, this is going to be awkward…_

I looked away from her as she got closer. When she reached the bench she sat down next to me and held the umbrella over both of us. Yup, so awkward…

"Hello child. What you doin' 'ere?" the woman looked at me and spoke in a thick Haitian accent.

I shrugged and fidgeted with my iPod as a distraction.

"It's quite aright'. I come 'ere and sit at the bench for a while too. Don't be 'shamed. I come to visit me late husband. I been comin' every Sunday for three years since he pass, even in de winter."

"To be honest, I don't come here to visit anyone. I just find it peaceful. I'm sorry about your husband though, that's really sweet." I met her eyes and shrugged again. Hopefully what I just confessed didn't creep this lady out and give her a heart attack or something. Although…, if she _was _to have one, she's certainly in the right place for it. Wow, that was _so_ uncalled for Santana.

"Sometimes I have me breakfast or lunch 'ere when I visit him…" she reached her right wrinkled old hand down and placed it on my hand that was resting on the bench between us. Alright, now this is _really_ awkward.

"You remind me of me' daughter Tatiana. Her father was Puerto Rican."

"Thanks… I'm Santana." I smiled and shook her hand.

_Why did I just tell her my name?_

"Nice to meet you Santana, me name Joelle, I must be goin' now. I come 'ere same time every Sunday, maybe I see you again? I hope one day you find yourself someone worth visitin' 'ere every week like me Jose." She smiled at me and squeezed my hand before getting up and slowly walking off into the distance, vanishing behind the heavy fog as she exited the black rod-iron arch that encased the cemetery entryway.

…_Well, that was fucking strange_

I got up and decided to make my way back to the apartment. The rain had begun picking up and I was starting to get a little cold. I was just a few blocks away from the apartment when I felt my phone vibrating from inside my sweatpants pocket. It was Rachel. I bit my lip as I answered the phone.

"Hey Rach…"

"Where on earth are you? You're not in the apartment, and you shouldn't be wandering around after you hit your head. I'm almost certain that you could cause potential further injury to yourself. And why on earth did you let me sleep in? You know I have to go to an audition in Manhattan today."

"I'm sure you'll have more than enough time to put on a new face for your audition. I'm out jogging; I needed to get some fresh air. I'm heading back now though."

"Jogging? But… but it's raining outside. Santana Lopez! You could catch a cold! What possessed you, what were you thinking?!"

"Yeah, yeah... I get it Mrs. Berry. I'll be back in a few minutes so you can punish me then if you want to. Just don't take it out of my allowance." I responded sarcastically.

"Well hurry up! I told you we needed to discuss something last night... This is serious!" She sounded upset and hung up on me before I could even respond. I finished jogging the rest of the way and ran up the stairs, dripping with each step.

I slid the apartment door open. Rachel was sitting cross legged on the center of the couch, waiting for me.

"Do you mind if I go wash up before we have our little discussion, _mom_?" I asked her as I made my way to the bathroom and threw my jacket onto the floor. I was completely soaked and I needed to get out of these clothes or I really was going to get sick.

"Certainly, take your time." Rachel quietly responded as she picked up the remote and turned on the television. Is this the same girl that was just yelling at me on the phone? She seemed like she was in a daze. Her body was present, but her mind seemed to be heavily clouded similarly to the way the current atmosphere obscured the view of the city.

* * *

I decided to take another shower before changing into a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I put my hair up in a tight ponytail before exiting the room and joining the brunette who was still waiting patiently for me on the couch. I sat cross legged facing her side and she turned to mimic my position so that we were now facing each other. I rested my hands at my knees before speaking. I hope this doesn't take too long. I gots me some napping to do and pillows to go cuddle.

"Alright, let's get this over with already so you can go flash your tits for some lame off-Broadway role." I deadpanned and rolled my eyes at the brunette. I didn't feel like being preached to.

"Santana,_ please_… Please don't joke right now. This is really serious. This isn't about you. Well, it is, but it's also about…" She looked down in acute grief and reached for my hands before she exhaled. "It's about… Quinn." She shifted her glance and her eyes met mine.

_Oh fuck._

What did she find out? Did she find out about the phone call last night? Maybe Quinn called her and told her everything that happened between us. Rachel is going to hate me if she knows Quinn and I slept together. I know we're close and all, but she's _always _going to side with Quinn. I am so beyond fucked right now…

"Wha-what are you getting at…?" I asked nervously and began shifting my eyes.

I saw a stray tear leave Rachel's left eye as she drew back one of her hands to wipe it away. Oh… god. Please, no more drama.

"It's hard to explain. I just… It all seems real if I have to explain it. I'm sorry I cried myself to sleep in your bed last night. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. This is all proving to be too much for me... I couldn't talk to you last night. I wanted to, don't get me wrong San. But, Quinn asked me not to, she didn't want to upset you. So I respected her wishes. I also knew you didn't feel well and I didn't believe it to be appropriate timing."

"What are you talking about? How could what _you _have to say… possibly upset me? And why would Quinn ask you not to talk to me? I, I don't understand." I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Are you okay? I mean, I know you, and I know you well enough to know that this news is not going to be well-received. Just promise to not kill the messenger if I tell you, okay?"

"_If you tell me? _Oh hell no. You're telling me Rachel. You're not freaking me out like this and then backing out last minute. That's complete bullshit..." I shook my head at her and furrowed my brows.

"Fine,… but, I want to make sure you can handle this right now. Promise you won't flip out on me... promise me you're not going to go all _Auntie_ _Snix_ on me when I tell you. I don't want you to cause harm to yourself."

"Rachel! Just tell me, _please_! I'm not going to hurt myself, but… if you don't tell me what the hell is going on, I can't promise I won't hurt you. Now out with it already!" I was getting impatient with her. That certainly wasn't out of the ordinary.

"It's just that… you hit your head and I don't want to-"

"-Oh shut up with this injury thing already. I'm fine! I'm an adult and I can handle _whatever_ you have to say to me. Please don't fucking patronize me, I hate when you do this..." She nodded and looked down at our hands again.

"You're right. I'm sorry…" she shook her head and held back the tears she was fighting but her face still contorted in a painful manner. She let out a sigh.

"I'm sure you're aware that last night was rather stressful for all of us…" She looked at me with watery eyes as she spoke. "…I'm also sure you're _very_ aware of your phone call with Quinn before you hit your head. But-" She paused.

"-What you're not aware of, is that Quinn called me last night while Jess was watching you in the bedroom. She told me that something happened, and to say the very least, it wasn't exactly pleasant news…" I swallowed the lump that developed in my throat. What did Quinn say to her? Why is it _so_ hard for Rachel to just tell me?

"Rachel…" I whispered and shook my head at her, afraid for her to continue.

"Something really, _really_ bad happened to her last night…" she let out a struggled laugh and smirked at me before returning to complete seriousness. "Honestly, she sounded alright, she was actually more concerned about you." Rachel looked perplexed at her own statement.

"What… What happened to h-her…?" I grabbed her wrists and squeezed. Her facial expressions weren't doing anything aside from setting my nerves on edge.

"Well…" She winced under my scrutiny. "She went to a party with her boyfriend last night and had a lot to drink. Like… way,_ way_ too much. She's such a lightweight. She shouldn't have…"

"Rachel, _please_… Focus!" I shook her hands in my grip.

"That's when she called you I guess, and then she asked her boyfriend to drive her home."

"And…" I raised an eyebrow. I was waiting for her to continue. I was certainly aware that Quinn was drinking. Hell if I know the details though. I just thought she was fucking with me… That's the way it sounded. Although, I do remember her sounding really upset and crying before I hung up on her. Fuck! Maybe I shouldn't have hung up on her. Whatever happened to her is probably my fault. Wait… She was in a car? Oh god…

"Oh my god! Did she get in another car accident? Please… _please_ say no…" I was starting to get really upset. Is Quinn okay? Do I need to get on a train right now and visit her in the hospital?

"No, she didn't. Her boyfriend got her home safely and took her to her room." Alright, so she's not all shriveled up in some hospital bed on life support. That's a relief. So what the hell happened then?

"She was very intoxicated San…" Rachel mumbled her words.

"Yes Nancy Jew, we've established this already." I nodded for her to continue. Please just tell me Rachel…

"He… Her Boyfriend… He tried to… He didn't…. but he hurt her. I don't even know if she's called the police yet; it happened really late last night. She should go to the hospital. We need to convince her to go to the hospital and alert the authorities. She said that she's alright, but I know she's not, I know her…" Rachel was shaking her head as she spoke.

_What. The. Fuck._

_I swear. If he even as much as touched my girl…_

"Wh_-_What did he do to her?!" I jumped up from the couch and clenched my fists as I stared Rachel down.

"Santana, please… calm down…" She motioned for me to sit back down.

"Like hell I'm going to calm down…. _él va a pagar por lo que hizo!_ You're going to tell me what happened Rachel, you're going to tell me what that _cabrón_ did to Quinn, and you're going to tell me, _right _now!" I slammed my fist into the table and started pacing in front of her trying to contain the rage, spewing out a mix between broken English and Spanish that I'm certain the Brunette couldn't understand.

"He tried to… rape her. But… but he _didn't_. She fought him off and her roommate stopped him. He just hurt her a little, that's all. She's got a few bruises and wounds, but she's going to be alright. Now would you please just sit down and let's talk about this rationally…"

_...He, what._

_Hello, Snix?_

I need, I need to cause damage, some kind of damage to something, right now. I turned around and cleared all the dishes off of the coffee table onto the floor. I growled as I continued pacing in between the table and the couch. Count to 10. 10, 9, 8, 7... Rachel trembled on the couch and nervously tried to reach out for my arm, but I refused her.

"Santana… She's going to be okay…" Rachel stood up and carefully inched her way closer to me with her arms stretched out. Did this girl have a death wish or something? I don't want anyone touching me right now. She tried to put her arms around my back and restrain mine in the process, but I pushed her off.

"No! Don't fucking touch me! Don't-"

"-Santana, I know you care about her, I do too… But you have to understand that she _is_ going to be okay. I promise you this. If you don't believe me, you can go call her yourself." She made a second attempt at pulling me into an embrace and I didn't fight it this time. I just broke down into her arms and gripped onto her shoulders for dear life as I rested my head on her shoulder.

"You… you don't understand... y-you c-can't understand." I struggled with my words.

"I understand plenty Santana. I understand _a lot_ more than you think I do."

"I should have been there. This shouldn't have happened to her… It's not fair." Rachel walked with me to my bedroom and I curled up at the end of my bed. Rachel pulled the covers over me and sat next to me as I cried into my palms. Rachel told me about what I had said when I was unconscious last night, and that she knows Quinn means a lot to me. She also said that we both needed to stay strong for her. If only she actually knew how much Quinn _really_ meant to me.

_I don't think I completely understood, not until now. _

* * *

I woke up cold and alone at the foot of my bed. Strands of my hair were stuck to my face and to the sheets from where I had been crying. I searched for a comforting face, but Rachel was gone. She must have left for her audition this afternoon; which meant she wouldn't be back for several hours. I got up from my bed to pull the curtain completely closed before sitting down on the edge of the bed next to the night stand. I reached for my hairbrush and pulled my hair out of the hair-tie and attempted to fix it.

_What the hell am I doing? _

Santana doesn't sulk. I can't possibly be rational about this. I'm the one who always steps onto the battlefield and fights for those around me; especially the ones I _love_. I come from the wrong side of the tracks, I can do this. I know what I _need_ to do, because it's who I am. I remember where I come from… I was bred for this. I'm a lover, not a fighter; but I'll fight for what I love, and that's exactly what I'm going to do. I know it's not the _right_ thing to do, and she might be angry with me, but it's the only thing I _can_ do. It doesn't matter if it's _wrong_… I'm Santana fucking Lopez, and I _have_ to do this. I don't have a choice in the matter. New Haven is only an hour and a half by train. This is _going_ to happen, and it's going to happen today. It's not like I have anywhere else to be anyways.

_Not that there's another place I'd rather be..._

I reached for my phone and dialed her number. The phone rang three times before someone picked up.

"S-Santana…?" She sounded a mix between surprised and groggy. Oops, I must have woken her up… I need to do this though.

"Yeah, Quinn. It's me."

"D-did Rachel speak to you yet?" She replied, still sounding half asleep.

"She did, and she told me everything…"

"Oh..."

"Listen, I need to make this quick and then you can get back to sleeping, okay?"

"O-okay… You d-don't want to talk about anything that happened last night?" She sounds so fucking adorable... No, no Santana you're on a mission here. Focus.

"I gots me something I needs to do Quinnie. We can talk about it later… Did you call the police yet?"

"Huh? Oh. No, I-I haven't. I was going to head down to the station with my roommate in a little while and tell them everything. Although, I spoke with one of my classmates this morning and they told me that the police won't even do anything because apparently he knows some people there, but I can still try, right? Do you think I should try San?"

"No…"

"What? Really… cause I spoke to Rachel about an hour ago and she told me I needed to, and said that you agreed with her. It _would_ be the right thing to do, and I don't want him hurting anyone else. I can't let that happen... I'd feel responsible."

"No. Don't go to the police Quinn. Just…" I let out a sigh "…do you trust me? I need to know if you trust me."

"Yes, of course… with my life." She spoke as if it were a simply logical and factual statement; as though I should already be aware of it.

_Did she really just say that? _

_Focus._

"Good. Then if you trust me, I need you to promise me that you're not going to go to the police about this. That's- that will just complicate everything."

"Um, Okay? If you really don't think I should, then I won't. But I don't understand."

"Trust me. Now I need you to tell me something and I'm only going to ask this once, so I need you to tell me. This is very, _very_ important."

"I trust you… What do you need to kn-"

"-I need to know his full name, and if he's a student at your school. Can you tell me that?"

"Wait…, what is this about? Why do you need to know …Oh my god! Please don't do anything stupid! I don't want you getting into trouble San. I can just go to the police…"

"Quinn, you said yourself that they aren't likely to do anything. Listen, just trust me... You said you could trust me with your life. So I need you to just trust me with this, okay? No questions. Just complete trust. I'm not going to do anything stupid, I promise. I know what I'm doing."

"O-okay… Just don't make me regret this... His name is Robert Lanson, and yes, he goes to Yale."

"You wouldn't happen to know his address or anything, would you babe? It would save me a lot of trouble-"

"Santana! Oh my god... You _are_ planning something! Be careful, don't… you shouldn't do-"She sounded alert and awake now.

"Fine then, plan B it is. Thanks Q. Just stay home today and rest up, alright? Don't go to the police or anything, if you do that, you'll only fuck everything up. Remember… you can _trust_ me."

"Santana?! You can't possibly be serious about this!" She sounded upset and deeply concerned about my intentions. I waited until she calmed down before I replied.

"Quinn, I'm going to hang up now. But before I do, just one more thing…"

"I'm not giving you his address! Don't be stupid Santana! I care about you and I don't want anything to happen to you," There it was again. Too bad this was happening whether she liked it or not. I needed to finish up this conversation so that I could get my plan under way.

"Just," I hesitated.

"…I love you, Quinn." I hung up.

I'm not exactly sure how she's going to take that statement; hopefully I didn't freak her out. She _is_ my friend, and I just happen to care about her more than myself right now. I felt like I needed to say that. There's no reason for me to read too much into it, it was just a natural impulse. It's three simple words. We used to say that to each other all the time in high school so it's not really a big deal or anything. I just felt like she needed to hear those three words from my lips right now. I can't let her forget how important she is to me, how important she has _become_ to me.

_Shit, should I have said that?_

_Wait... do I love her... like... 'in love' love her?_

* * *

I tossed my duffel bag onto the bed and packed a change of clothes. I wasn't staying the night, but I wanted to be as inconspicuous as possible in case something went wrong; although, that was just for my getaway. I wanted to humiliate that piece of shit, and I wanted him to remember who he was messing with. I changed into my Louisville Cardinals cheer uniform that I kind of… didn't return when I left the school. I put my khaki trench coat on over the uniform to cover it up until I arrived, and because it was still raining outside.

I looked around the room before grabbing my keys and packing a few extra things. I had already played detective and managed to find out where the bastard lived after spending a half an hour on my computer searching for him. I looked down at my bed and nodded in self-approval. I can do this.

Looks like everything is ready… There's only one problem. I don't _actually_ trust myself to go through with this. I shouldn't be doing this alone. It's not that I don't think I'm capable of doing this alone. That's _not_ an issue. The issue is that I'm afraid if I go alone I might take it too far, and I might not be able to stop. I can't risk doing that. I can't risk doing _anything_ that might mean me losing Quinn. I also might try and see Quinn. Being that close in proximity to her, I might not be able to control myself, and I can't do that; despite how much I really, _really_ want to. Even though I may want to delicately and affectionately kiss each and every single one of her bruises to dull her pain and the ache in my own chest, and maybe even her lips if she'd let me, ensuring her safety is more important to me. I need to be fast; I need to get there, get it done, and then get back to New York as quickly as possible. Quinn can't know about this. She can't know that I'm making a personal appearance to take care of this _myself_.

I need someone to go with me, someone who I can trust. I wanted to call Puck. I know he still has some kind of weird crush on her and would be more than willing to do this. He was my first choice, and I know that he'd do it for me, and for Quinn. But he's too far away and the trip would be way too expensive for him. That only left one person, and he wasn't exactly who I had in mind. He wasn't exactly the type to just jump on a train and go to another state to help do someone else's dirty work. But he owed me. He owed me _big time_. I saved Rachel from Brody and personally handed him the man-whore to handle however he saw fit. He owed me, and he knew it. He also just so happened to still be in New York, a little secret even his own brother didn't know about. He had to beg me to keep quiet about that one, yet another reason he owed me. I'm also positive that after I tell him the circumstances, he won't have any problems doing this.

I hung up after we finished making the arrangements. Just as I thought, he's game. I had to meet him at the train station in about an hour. Way to go Finnocence! I have to say, he's starting to grow on me… even after all of our bad blood. If Frankenteen keeps this up, I might even consider using my influence with Rachel in his favor.

I swung the duffel bag over my shoulder after making my bed and stepped out into the living room as I pulled my curtain shut.

* * *

_Fuck… _

Kurt was sitting on the couch and had his arms crossed across his chest as he looked at me knowingly.

"Hi Kurt…"

"Hello Santana…"

"I, um… I'm gonna be gone for a little while. I might not be back until really late tonight, if not tomorrow. Tell Rachel I'm out with Jess if she asks, okay? Tell her not to worry."

He nodded at me and continued his glare. He looked… He looks like he…. _Shit_. I didn't know he was out here when I made that phone call. He must have overheard. What parts did he hear exactly? Fuckity, fuck, fuck, fuck… I'm just going to assume he knows _everything_. He keeps shifting his eyes back and forth between me and the duffel bag.

"So, did you by any chance happen to overhear me on the phone just now…?" I pointed towards my room and swallowed my fears. I hope he doesn't ruin this. If he tells Rachel_ any_ of this, my plan is completely scrapped. He has the capability of ruining _everything_ right now if he wants to.

He nodded again.

Wait…. What? He _knows,_ and he's not trying to stop me? What the fuck? This is Kurt. He should be scolding me right now and ratting me out to Rachel.

"Why aren't you trying to stop me…?"

"Santana… I don't know what you're talking about…" He looked at me like he _knew_. "…Let's just pretend I didn't hear anything. Now leave before I change my mind. You have something you need to go take care of."

He got up from the couch before walking over to give me a hug. He then walked over to the door and slid it open, beckoning for me to leave.

I didn't understand… I mean, I guess it kind of made sense. I had fought for him and Blaine back in high school and he _had_ been subjected to abusive bullying. Maybe a part of him wanted me to go through with this. He didn't want to discuss it because if he did, he knew he would be obligated to try and stop me. He also knew that Rachel would never forgive us for going behind her back. This must have _really_ bothered him.

_Thanks Kurt. _

_You've got balls after all._

* * *

I took the subway to Manhattan and met Finn at Penn station. It was only a few minutes after we arrived that the train pulled into the station.

"Now, are you sure you want to go through with this? I'm in or out either way. It's up to you…" Finn reached his hand up and gently placed it on my shoulder. He wanted to make sure I was ready for this before we boarded the train; he was asking if I wanted to abort my mission…

"I'm sure. Let's do this."

With one hand, I slipped on my aviator sunglasses, and stepped inside the train.


	7. Pep talk

Several hours after an "eventful" night, the train pulled back into Penn Station, just after 2a.m., and right on schedule. Thankfully everything went according to plan if not better than I had originally expected it to. Well, all aside from a slight hiccup with Quinn having contacted Rachel. I really should have expected that after our little chitchat earlier. I wasn't exactly _subtle_ about fishing out information from her.

Kurt had called me just as Finn and I arrived in New Haven. He needed to inform me that Rachel was questioning my whereabouts after a phone call she had received from a _very_ upset Quinn. Like I requested, he told her that I was out with Jess, and would most likely be spending the night with her. He also told Rachel that he "talked me out of it," to reassure the worrying Rachel and Quinn that I wasn't going to "do anything." I hate lying to them like this, but I have to do what I have to do…

So needless to say, I also had to cover my ass and fill Jess in on the impending situation. Seeing as I couldn't return home tonight, I asked Jess if it would be alright if I crashed at her place after I arrived back in New York. She said she didn't have classes until tomorrow evening, so it wouldn't be a problem. She even volunteered to pick me and Finn up outside the station and give us a ride back to her place; wherever the hell that is. I didn't even know she owned a car... I'm sure she's going to badger me to fill her in on all the juicy details. Can't-fucking-wait… I vaguely told her that I had to _take care of something for a friend _when she asked what the hell I was doing in Connecticut_. _She's completely clueless and I'm sure she's going to make every effort to remedy that tonight.

_This is going to be interesting._

_Let's hope she doesn't think I'm a fucking psycho or something._

Finn and I exited the desolate platform and headed up towards the exit. It felt nice to stretch out again. It had been a long day. Although, I have to say it was a very productive day. Beating the shit out of some scumbag is always a nice way to end an evening. He had it coming… and I doubt he'll ever go after Quinn or any other woman _ever _again. Nobody touches _my girl_ and gets away with it. Wow, I _really_ need to stop thinking of her that way.

_I'm so hopeless._

I pulled out my phone from my right coat pocket and began texting Jess. I had no idea what her car looked like and I didn't even know if she was outside yet. Our time of arrival was very tentative and she _had_ shown up late the first and _only_ time we met up somewhere, which was last night. Heh, I almost forgot that I've only known this girl for two days... I should probably inform Finn on that little detail if he ends up staying the night too; seeing as he can't go back to his Hostel since it's _way_ past curfew. He really should just tell Rachel that he's in New York and stay at the apartment with us.

**Train just let out and we're headed out front. You here yet? What kind of car are we looking for? If it's one of those smart cars, I'm walking. **

I sent her the text and my message tone went off not even a minute later. Well that was quick…

**Look for the car with the really sexy blonde chick in it ;) No seriously though, I'm already out here. It's a 12' black Range Rover. Oh and I'm double parked out front with the engine running, so get your asses out here already! I mean that in the nicest way possible. :)**

**Jesus, you renting that thing?**

**Oh just wait until you see where I live. ;)**

_Wanky…_

* * *

"So, where _exactly_ do you live?" I said as I opened the front passenger side door after throwing my duffle bag into the back seat next to Finn, who I had just introduced to the blonde.

"Wouldn't you like to know…" Jess wiggled her brows and was giving me a smug grin. I sat down on the black leather seat and began putting on my seat-belt. After my seat-belt clicked into place, Jess immediately put the car into drive and floored the gas. _Damn_, that's kind of hot…

_Oh my fucking god. _

_She has heated seats._

_I could sooo get used to this._

"Do you mind if I play with this?" I asked Jess as I began running my hand over the screen in the dashboard, admiring the technology and looking for some music to play.

"You can play with whatever you want _sweetheart_," Jess said suggestively and turned her head from the road to give me a wink before giggling.

"Oh, Har-har…" I drawled before settling on a Sirius XM station and Nicki Minaj's "Beautiful Sinner" came on. I felt Finn knee my seat from behind and saw him shifting awkwardly when I glanced in my side mirror to see what the hell he was doing. He was clearly uncomfortable. _Hmmm…_ I think I'm going to have a little fun with this while I have the chance.

"So, does that mean Finn can join us in your _bedroom_ tonight?" I winked at Jess and gestured my head towards the back seat before winking again. She nodded at me, acknowledging my idea.

"Only if he thinks he can handle us," Jess responded as she began breaking for the red light. Her face was completely straight and she turned her head back to wink at Finn once the car came to a full stop. "Or, he could just watch us. I _do_ enjoy having an audience." She added before turning to look at me, both of us fighting off the urge to burst out into laughter. I looked in the mirror again to see Finn's face turning fire red blush and his mouth wide open. It almost looked like he was drooling, poor guy. I turned back to Jess and we both started laughing.

"Seriously? I bet you two think that you're just hilarious, don't you?" He huffed and turned his gaze to look at the street out his window.

"Awwww, we're just fucking with you dough boy. Couldn't resist. It's just too easy. Besides, we both know I've already been there and that it's like trying to sedate a walrus while it's giving birth." I chuckled and then pouted to Finn, reaching my arm back as I turned in my seat to gently pat his leg. "So like, why are you staying in some crack-head infested Hostel anyways? And please don't tell me that it's because of the accommodations." I rolled my eyes and waited for him to respond.

"Santana… can we just not talk about this right now?" He sounded defeated and he looked down at his lap, purposefully avoiding eye contact.

"I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, your girl's been lonely as fuck, and I'm sure she's been thinking about you. I really think you should just tell her you're here. What's the worst that could happen?"

"_What's the worst that could happen_? She could reject me! I don't feel like being rejected _again_. We slept together in the hotel after Mr. Schue's wedding reception, and she left the room while I was _still _sleeping. She didn't even say goodbye…" Finn shook his head after he finished and looked out the window.

_Ouch._

Rachel already told me about their encounter, because when she had the pregnancy scare she thought it might be his. She even admitted that she _wanted_ it to be his, not Brody's. So I know for a fact that she loves him. You'd have to be a fucking moron to not pick up on the chemistry between those two. But _damn_ Rach, shag and bail… that is fucking _cold_. She didn't mention that part of her "story," then again, why would she? Hell, even Quinn had the decency to stay with me after her and I fucked that night.

_God did she ever stay with me._

Seriously, who the hell cuddles like that after sex if it's _just_ them experimenting? I don't understand that girl, not one fucking bit. I can't read her to save my life. Even the phone calls from the past couple days… I feel like I'm getting all these mixed signals. That… or I'm probably just reading _way_ too much into her every word. _Ugh_… whatever. This isn't about me right now anyways. I need to get through to Finn and let him know that Rachel won't reject him; I just can't mention the whole pregnancy thing.

It's ridiculous how many secrets are circulating between everyone right now. I thought hiding in the closet was bad...

"Listen Finn… Rachel and I are like besties now and even though it made me want to shove a pitchfork in my ears, she told me _all_ about your sexcapades-"

"Rachel?!" Jess interrupted me, sounding shocked to hear the Brunettes name.

"Yeah, sorry to break it to you… but Finn's like her Kismet soul-mate or some other equally vomit-inducing sentimental bullshit like that."

"Oh," Jess responded and I detected a hint of disappointment in her tone. I turned my head back to Finn and noticed the perplexed look on his face at Jess's reaction.

"So anyways, likes' I was sayin'. Rach totes loves you. Let's just say that she's been through a whole lot of really intense shit the past couple of months; she even cried herself to sleep a few nights. And I know for a fact that more than one of those occasions had something to do with _you_. Brody was just a warm body for her; a very _plastic _warm body. I'm pretty sure he was a mannequin… Point is, she misses you, and she _needs_ you. So be a fucking man about it already and step the hell up. She's not going to reject you, trust me. She's got some auditions coming up this week, and if you were there with her I'm sure she'd be all _walking on sunshine and rainbows_. So get yourself together and tell her you're here."

Finn's face contorted several times as I spoke. He looked like he was about to interrupt me and tell me to shut up, but he didn't. Now that I finished he just looked like a lost puppy who couldn't find its way home.

"Let's say that you're right. I tell Rachel I'm here. Everything's all fine and dandy and I move in with her. I go to school here in the city and we try and make it work. What if I drag her down and keep her from becoming something so _unbelievably_ special. What if I end up becoming _the reason_ she doesn't get her name hung up in big lights on Broadway," He finally managed to speak up and got all preachy like he does when he thinks he knows everything. God, do I hate that. He just doesn't get it does he?

"-Are you fucking serious right now? Listen up, and listen _good_. Ever since senior year all _anyone_ has ever heard from you is how _you're not good enough for Rachel_, or how _she needs to do this on her own because I'll get in the way._ Save it man-boobs. You're just scared and you couldn't be _more_ wrong. Every time you push her away… you two somehow always gravitate back to each-other. Call it fate or call it stupidity, I don't fucking care. You two _both_ need each other. And she needs _you_ more than _you_ need her. Just being there for each other is _all_ that you have to do. Whether you're off being a grease-stained Lima loser, getting blown up in the Middle East, or here with her in New York… you need to _be there_ for her if you sincerely do want to _be with_ her _forever_. You pushing her away just means that you can't be there for her when she needs you the _most_. So if you're here with her in New York… it makes everything a hell of a lot easier, don't ch'ya think? And stop with all this white-picket fence bullshit. It'll happen when it's time."

I waved my hand out in front of his dazed and dumbfounded face and waited for him to snap back to reality and respond.

"Now you just let that sink in _real _good," I turned back around in my seat to face the road and turned the volume on the radio all the way up. You know what? I don't even want to hear his response. He'll just have to grow a pair and make his own god-damn decision. I'm done.

* * *

Jess cleared her throat at the awkwardness that was now _very_ apparent. She drove only a few more blocks before we pulled out front of a very tall and _very_ expensive looking apartment building. Jess shut off the engine after parallel parking in an empty space out front. She decided to change the previous subject and break the unbearable silence we now sat in.

"I live on East 68th Street off the corner of 5th avenue," She said as she pointed towards a street sign that I couldn't even read. But holy fuck… Wait a minute, isn't this right near…? Is that…? Hot damn!

"So, you live… across the street from _Central Park_. How can you even afford this place? You fuck Donald Trump or something?" I furrowed my eyebrows at her. This was a pleasant surprise. I certainly knew how ridiculously expensive rent was _anywhere_ in Manhattan, but at a location like this? Whether she owns it or not, she has to be loaded…

"Mmmm. well," She widened her eyes and sarcastically laughed to herself. "This is generally an explanation I like to avoid having to explain, but I'll keep it short… and if you try and turn this into an '_I'm so sorry for you'_ conversation, you can sleep on a park bench with the serial killers tonight, got it?"

Damn, that was pretty intense. Alright, what the flying fuck is the big deal Jess? I nodded with a bemused expression.

"Um, basically… My parents died in this really horrific car accident about 6 years ago. They were very wealthy and also had an _extremely_ generous insurance policy, so to keep it short, my brother and I were both _very _well taken care of as a result."

"Oh," Oops. I didn't mean to touch on a sore subject. _Fuck_! "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, Shit…" I smacked my forehead with my right hand. What the hell am I supposed to say?

"It's fine," She grunted in frustration. "It's fine. Don't even think about it. That was years ago, I'm in a much better place in my life now so let's just enjoy the night." She said as she opened her door and got out of the car; shutting the door once she was done talking. I suppose Finn and I should get out and join her…

"Smooth," Finn chuckled as he opened his door, taking my bag out with him.

_Yeah, that would be me._

* * *

After walking through a swanky lobby and riding up nineteen floors in the elevator, we finally reached Jess' apartment at the end of a long corridor. She flipped a switch on the wall to the right of the door and stepped inside; gesturing for me and Finn to follow her. Finn shut the door behind us after we entered and I turned around to meet his grin with a similar expression.

_Just as I thought… _

"Wanky."

"This looks like something out of one of those magazines Kurt reads," Finn responded to me, still grinning. The two of us were just standing in front of the door looking around Jess' apartment like a couple of tourists seeing Times Square for the first time.

"Well don't just stand there! Come in and make yourselves comfortable. If you need to use the bathroom just go right in through there." Jess pointed towards a mahogany two-panel door that was just off to the right of us. Finn nodded and handed me my bag before going into the bathroom. I heard him say what sounded like _holy shit _after he shut the door. I chuckled and walked with my bag over towards Jess, remembering what was now inside after I had changed in New Haven.

"So you wouldn't happen to have like… a washer and dryer in this place would you?"

She nodded.

"Why, you shit your pants when you realized where I live?" She amused herself as she walked me through the open room and then down a hallway with 4 doors, two of which I already knew were bedrooms. She slid open the door in front of us and revealed the stacked machines.

"I doubt you'll be able to figure out how to use this devil-device… It took me like two weeks to figure it out. I even had to call maintenance up, because I broke it. So if you want you can just give me your stuff and I'll put it up for you. I can also get some clothes for you to change into after; I think were about the same size… I might even have some clothes left from my ex for Finn too." She rolled her eyes at the last statement.

Heh, here comes the part where she's going to start asking questions. I wasn't exactly planning on washing what I was _wearing_. I unzipped my bag and held up what I wanted to have washed. Jess' expression was priceless.

"Alright, so I know we haven't known each other that long, and I can already tell you're somewhat kinky," She laughed at me and then returned her very confused and partially frightened focus on what I was holding up. "But, why the_ hell_ do you have a Cheerleader uniform… with blood stains all over it?" She whispered and leaned forward as she reached her right arm up and delicately pushed some of the hair away from her face.

"Like you said. I'm into some really kinky shit," I shrugged but she didn't look pleased with my response. I rolled my eyes. "Look, just throw this in the machine and I'll tell you-"

"-What happened? What is this from?" She whispered and I couldn't help but laugh at how freaked out she looked right now. She took my uniform and examined it as if she were looking at a piece of evidence from a crime scene investigation.

"Is this yours?" She asked as she rotated it in her grip.

She jumped up and let out a mild scream as Finn lurched out from behind her in the hallway.

"That would be the blood from Santana's latest murder victim. Didn't she tell you what she does for a living?" Finn said sarcastically as he set his right hand down on the blondes shoulder, trying to calm down the girl who looked like she was about to have a panic attack. I think maybe, just maybe… I should tell her the truth so she doesn't go into cardiac arrest. Plus, I think part of her might _actually_ believe Finn right now. This is fucking hilarious…

"Not quite," I looked at Finn and then back to Jess. "Actually, It's from this guy in New Haven that we fucked up pretty good tonight."

She let out a gasp and placed her free hand over her heart. "Am I an accomplice to this now? Like, your get-a-way driver or something? Why the hell did you guys go to Connecticut to beat some guy up like this? I seriously think you need to explain yourselves. I don't…. I can't get involved with something like this…" She was shaking her head as well as the uniform she held out in front of her as she whispered.

Alright, Finn and I really need to stop laughing now because she's probably beginning to think we're crazed homicidal maniacs.

"Okay, okay. It's seriously nothing like that. You remember that phone call Rachel got the other night while you were in the room with me because I hit my head?" Finn stopped laughing and gave me a confused look.

"Huh? What's going on_ here_?" Finn looked so lost right now. He knew most of the details, but he didn't know _everything_.

"Oh my god, Quinn! I understand now!" Jess shouted as if she had an epiphany. I could almost see a little light-bulb appear over her head. And… How does she know about Quinn exactly?

"Wait, what? How do you know-" My mouth dropped at Jess mentioning her name. What the fuck? How does she know? We all had confused and shocked expressions at this point.

"I'm so lost right now." Finn said as he watched Jess and I go back and forth. He crossed his arms and waited for one of us to speak. Jess and I were looking at each other intently.

"Shit! This _does_ have something to do with Quinn, right?" Jess asked me hopefully and held back a painful expression on her face as she bit her lip. I nodded at her.

"Still not answering my question, how do you know blondie? I've never mentioned her to you before. You creepin' on me or something… did Rachel tell you?" I crossed my arms, mimicking Finn's expression. Jess began applying stain remover to my clothes as she desperately thought of an appropriate response.

"Yeah… Yes, Rachel told me about what happened last night. I don't know if you remember me saying goodbye to her before I left and we spoke for a while?" I nodded for her to continue. "-I had to try and calm her down so she was alright to take care of you. She was pretty worked up about it, and I don't blame her really… I don't blame you either, now that I understand what _this_ was about." She stated and gestured towards the washing machine she had just put my uniform into.

"Let's go sit down and talk about this somewhere a little more comfortable. I'm sure you two would like to get off of your feet." She exhaled as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she could finally relax.

She walked past me and back into the living room. Finn and I followed her and entered the room with large floor to ceiling windows that showcased the park illuminated by the backdrop of city lights. It was remarkable. Sure as the hell beats the view at our apartment. The best thing I'd usually see when I looked out my window was some homeless guy pissing on someone's stoop...

"Can I get you guys anything to drink?" Jess asked as she walked behind the black granite island and into her elaborate kitchen. "A glass of wine?" She asked as she lifted up a bottle she had just pulled out from a built in wine-fridge.

"Sure." Finn responded

"Sounds good." I added and smiled at the idea of a drink to relax. I was getting tired, but something to help take the edge off would be _really _nice…

"Great." She said as she popped the cork. She pulled three wine glasses out from one of the see-through cabinets behind her and walked over towards the living room.

Her furniture was all white and modern chic. After getting to know her I could say that it was _very_ Jess. The apartment also had an industrial flare to it, with exposed beams and pipes. Even the gray subway tile floor added to the overall look. She had an extremely large television that sat above a stainless steel and black fireplace. She made her way over to us and sat down on the giant white ottoman in front of me. That thing looked like it could sit _at least_ eight people comfortably.

"You have a really nice place." Finn said as Jess handed him a glass full of red wine.

"Thank you. Just don't get any of _that_ on the couch or Santana will have to help me hide the body." Jess said jokingly and began pouring another glass. She handed me the glass once she was done pouring and I took a sip before setting it down on the black end table to my right.

"Oh my fuck, that is _sooo_ good…"

"That's what she said!" Jess said as she stood up. "I'll be right back. I'm going to go see what I have for you guys to change into. Oh, Finn, I think I might have some men's stuff for you to where if you'd like?"

"That would be _fantastic_. Thank you." Finn responded casually with a smile.

"Yeah, she likes to dress up as a man sometimes. It's a dirty little fetish of hers; you should see the giant purple strap-"

"-Santana! She's _kidding_! They're my ex's... He just moved out a couple of weeks ago and left some of his things behind." Jess interrupted me with wide eyes after she realized where I was going with that one. Finn looked a little relieved and shook his head at me before he started laughing. Jess left the room and headed down the hallway, disappearing out of view.

"What? Just keepin' it real. You never know, she could totally be into that. After all, she _was_ into Berry last night." I said smugly and winked at him before I took a sip from my wine glass. Finn gave me a dirty look.

"Relax, I'm just fucking with you again. You really are too easy," I narrowed my eyes at him and chuckled. "Although, she _does_ have the hots for your girl… I wouldn't worry about it too much though. I set her straight last night- no pun intended."

"You know… You may have convinced me to speak to Rachel, but I'm not so sure about moving into the apartment with you Santana. You scare me sometimes." Finn smirked at me in contempt.

"Awww, thank you! That means a lot to me." I responded with mock enthusiasm and fanned my face with my free hand. Jess returned in the room, arms full of clothing. She called Finn over and handed him some black flannel pajamas and gestured towards one of the bedrooms for him to change. After she finished directing him she walked over to me. She handed me a red chemise which looked appropriate enough to wear in front of present company. She told me I could change in her bedroom and I left for her room. I decided to "investigate" her bedroom; it took a little longer than it _should_ have for me to leave the room.

* * *

When I returned, her and Finn had the TV on and were both sprawled out and laughing on the couch. I rolled my eyes and walked past them into the kitchen; sitting down at one of the white bar stools at the island.

I decided to check my phone for any messages or missed calls. After I unlocked my phone… I saw _her_ picture. I still hadn't the heart to change it quite yet, despite how many times I've chastised myself into doing so.

"She's beautiful, is that _her_?" Jess suddenly appeared to my right and sat down at the bar stool next to me. She rested her chin in her right hand as she leaned on the counter and looked up at me. I nodded and handed her my phone. Here comes the interrogation. Am I going to need a lawyer for this?

Jess was staring at the picture of me and Quinn with a pleased look on her face. Her eyes shifted from over the phone at me to back down at the screen several times, a grin slowly developing on her face as she did so.

"Do you love her?" She asked me seriously as she slid the phone across the counter towards me.

_Fuck._

I'm sorry. What? Way to beat around the bush Jess. I_ did_ kind of impulsively say 'I love you' to Quinn on the phone earlier. I mean, I feel like I do, like I might... I'm just too confused about it though. I haven't seen her in so long; it's hard to tell what I'm feeling exactly.

"Honestly?" I looked at the picture before I continued. "I'm not sure." Finn was laughing obnoxiously at the television as I answered Jess.

"Hmmm... Well, why did you go to New Haven tonight? Was it to see her?" Jess asked me. She sounded prepared to ask questions and somewhat inquisitive.

"You know why I went there, and I didn't even _attempt _to see her." I said in a matter-of-fact tone. She knows what I did out there… _now_. Where is she going with this?

"Endearing, yes… but that's _not_ what brought you out there. You did _that _for a reason. What was the reason Santana?" She gave me that signature smile of hers I was getting used to seeing. It was a half-smile that exposed only her upper two front teeth and put dimples in her cheeks. It was the smile that said everything. It said she saw past all my bullshit and understood me. It said that I wasn't going to be hiding _anything_ from her.

"Look, I know. Our relationship is really fucked up and complicated though. And I'm terrified of feeling this way." I swallowed the lump in my throat at my admission and checked to make sure Finn wasn't listening. That would be _all_ I needed right now…

"I'm all ears. We can go into my room for the night if you'd like talk about this in private? I'm sure Finn can take care of himself. He _is_ a big boy after all..." She said and smirked at me after glancing at Finn who was doubled over himself laughing at some ridiculous cartoon on Adult Swim.

"Yeah, that sounds like a _brilliant_ idea." I rolled my eyes at Finn and got up off the stool, starting towards the hallway. I stopped about half way and crossed my arms as I waited for Jess to follow me.

"Night Finn, we're heading to bed for the night. Santana's really tired. I'll be up around 10:00 tomorrow to make breakfast for us. So, I'll see you then? Just make sure you shut everything off before you go to sleep."

"Yeah, sure thing," He smiled at her. "Hey, thanks for letting us crash here tonight. I really appreciate it. This place is really cool." Finn genuinely thanked Jess and she nodded before she turned around and started down the hall towards her room. I was about to say Goodnight to Finn when he made an extremely crude gesture directed at me. He made the "V" shape or "peace sign" with his right hand and brought it up to his lips before he began licking the empty space between his two fingers. I grabbed the frilly red decorative pillow from the chair next to me and threw it at him while simultaneously glaring and walking down the hallway.

He's like that annoying little brother that I never had, and never wanted. At least he's got my back though. I'd thank him right now, but we _already _had a heartfelt conversation about all that shit on the train earlier. I can't let him think I've gone all soft or something…

"Goodnight Santana!" I heard Finn call out, sounding pleased with himself.

* * *

I shut the French doors behind me after I entered the room and searched for the blonde_ everywhere_, including the bathroom. Where the fuck...?

"I'm out here." I heard her laughing from afar. What the fuck, can she read my thoughts or something? Creeper... I walked towards the frosted-glass door that was left ajar at the end of her room, where the distant voice seemed to have come out from. Jess stood out on a balcony that had two very comfortable looking white chairs. The balcony overlooked the city skyline. There's that breathtaking view again…

"Have a seat _lover-girl_." Jess handed me a very heavy throw blanket after I sat down in the lounge chair to the right of the door. I put my feet up on the footstool.

_Now this I could get used to…_

"You know, I think I might have to re-consider moving in here if you're still looking for a roommate." I said as I rolled over to face Jess and snuggled into my seat. This is perfect…

"Oh yeah… And what would your _girlfriend_ have to say about that?" she drolled and smirked at me as she mirrored my position in the chair on the opposite side of the door. The wind was brisk, but I was warm and completely content out here. I shrugged at her before responding.

"She's not exactly my _girlfriend._ I'm not even sure if she'd ever be willing to herald that title." I broke eye contact with Jess and looked down in dismay at the reality of my own words.

"And why not? Anything's possible..." Jess said hopefully, despite my gloomy state.

"Jess, she's doesn't like women. I mean, we fucked, but I was just her college experiment." Well, it seems somewhat more complicated than that, but I'm going to have my moment and play this as aloof as possible.

"Hmmm," Jess reached her index finger up to her lips and tapped in thought for a moment before speaking again. "You shouldn't be so hard on her, that's how I started. I consider myself pansexual I guess. I'm not really into labels, but… If you think there _might_ be something there, I'd go with your instinct. You're better off trying to figure this thing out than giving up… and never knowing if it _could_ have been something. You can't understand what _she_ feels unless you ask her." Jess made a very good point. I hate it when other people are right about this kind of stuff.

"It's just… It's weird. We went to high school together. We've been best friends for _years_, frenemies who sabotaged and slapped each other, and now… this. It was always me, her, and our other friend Brittany, who _also_ just so happened to be my first love. Actually, to be honest… _that's_ still kind of fresh. We broke up a few months ago and the _only_ reason I'm still not miserably heartbroken and hung up on her is 'cause of… _Quinn_. And I don't even know how to make sense of _that_ relationship… or if I should even make anything out of it at all."

"_The past is a ghost – the future a dream – and all we ever have is now." _Jess spoke like she was some stuffy philosophy professor.

"Who said that?" I asked. Jess snorted and chuckled at me.

"Um, Bill Cosby." She smiled after she spoke.

"Wow, real poignant Jess." I rolled my eyes at her.

"Shut-up! You loved it, and you know it."She smiled at me before she continued on. "Anyways, the point is… you can't control anything other than what you're dealing with at this _very_ moment. So don't bring any doubts from your past or fears from the future into the _now_."

I shrugged and closed my eyes. I was starting to get sleepy, but I was certainly allowing Jess to enlighten me. I would take any advice I could get at this point, and she wasn't doing such a terrible job either. Brittany is my past, and I don't know what's going to be in my future; but I need to find out what these feelings for Quinn mean. Maybe there was something there, or could be… I just hope I don't make a fool of myself in the process of finding out.

"Penny for your thoughts," Jess said softly, breaking my train of thought.

"You're right." I said with my eyes closed.

"I know, I'm always right. Well, as long as it has nothing to do with _my _love life," Jess chastised herself. "But that's a conversation for a different night."

"Yeah, you_ really_ do need some help with your game." I partially opened my eyes and looked at her with a smile.

"Oh, you noticed?" Jess said sarcastically. "I'll make a deal with you. You help me work on my… _game, _and I'll help you figure out what it is exactly that you want out of this _thing _between you and Quinn. Does that sound fair?"

"That sounds perfect." I mumbled as I let my eyes fall shut again and felt as though I was beginning to fade away.

"Promise?" Jess asked, her voice sounding distant, even though she was still right there.

"Promise." I responded with a half smirk. I felt like I was starting to fall asleep. I wonder if I should get up and go inside... Fuck it; I'm way too comfortable and somnolent to move right now.

_Mmmm…_

"So, I'll ask you again, _do_ you love her?"

_I do…_

"We'll talk about this more tomorrow. Goodnight Santana."

_Goodnight…_

* * *

**A/N:** Just a few quick notes to add here. Please trust my judgement in skipping the "fight" scene. :) I know a lot of you were really looking forward to it. I just thought that it might be better to hear about it from Quinn's perspective, so hint hint. ;) Also, this is Santana; I'm writing Glee's somewhat crazy version of her, and because of her character it just makes sense that she would want the guy to know who she is and humiliate him given all the circumstances. He can't go to the police about whatever she did to him because of what happened with Quinn, he'd be giving himself away in the process. Santana knows this. So there's also that. You'll find out more when you read about it later on. :) I actually agree with Quinn and Rachel on this whole situation, but Santana is a hard one to tame.


	8. Love like fools

Despite my desperate plea for a miracle, the week had come and gone and it was now Friday, April 12th. I've been counting down for this day like it's my first day of school or something. I spent much of the week returning to Jess' apartment in the evenings after she would get home from class. With every day looming closer to my inevitable doom, I became more and more uneasy. Jess provided me with a safe haven from my own personal torment. Rachel on the other hand, had been simply ecstatic for today's arrival. I tried to avoid her as often as possible in attempt to hide my palpable fears and doubts. My facade did little justice of concealing my nerves, as it still is. I've been ashamed of feeling so negatively about Quinn's visit. I'm ashamed of feeling this way in general. How could I allow myself to fall so carelessly for Quinn after everything I had been through with Brittany? I almost feel as though I'm being unfaithful, somehow, as a result of all these intrusive thoughts and feelings I have. Yet, I don't have the strength to_ not_ indulge in them. The heart wants what it wants; it doesn't require logic or propriety. I'm finally beginning to accept that reality.

I wish I could feel even an ounce of the overwhelming joy that Rachel does regarding this visit. If only it were that easy. After speaking with Jess throughout the week, we came to the inevitable conclusion that I would just let everything play itself out. I'll allow Quinn to set the pace for the weekend. The ball will be entirely in her court. I'm going to relinquish my desire for control and whatever happens, happens. A part of me wishes that I had the courage to just come out and tell her exactly how I feel, but I know that I can't handle the rejection. The possibility of unrequited love has been haunting my dreams, and I haven't been able to sleep for more than a few hours a night.

_I probably look like a Mexican raccoon._

_Just. Fucking. Perfect._

I'm still chewing over the idea that I'm some kind of masochistic freak, because I still have an intolerable _need_ to see Quinn; to be graced by her mere presence. _Love is friendship set on fire_; yeah, whoever thought that was a good thing was _obviously_ never burned by its flame. I really need to stop listening to Jess and her stupid quotes… They're starting to fuck with my head.

Originally, Rachel had planned on us all meeting Quinn at the station in Manhattan and then going out to a quaint restaurant in Little Italy for dinner. Rachel had changed her mind yesterday after speaking with Quinn and making all the final arrangements. Quinn had insisted that she was perfectly fine and up for anything we had arranged, but Rachel_ had_ to be Rachel and demanded that we take it easy for the first night and just do Dinner and a movie at the apartment.

_So_, here I am, alone in the apartment; slicing and dicing vegetables for the Vegetarian Paella dish I'm making for dinner. I had to set the table and clean the apartment; all in preparation for Quinn's arrival while Rachel meets her. Do I look like Susie _fucking_ Homemaker? The only reason I even agreed to this was because it meant another couple of hours before I had to see Quinn. Rachel insisted that we couldn't order take-out, because it would be rude. Now I'm even _more_ stressed out than I already was because Quinn is going to know that I'm making dinner, and if I fuck it up… _well_.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. _Mother-fuck_…, it's starting to get dark out already, which means they're going to be back here soon, and I haven't even finished prepping yet.

Now where the hell did I put the Bomba rice?

_FUCK!_

I must have forgotten to pick it up when I went out to the store earlier… I can't make this dish without any _fucking_ rice. Rachel is going to have to pick it up, _and_ Quinn is going to have to think I'm a feeble-minded moron.

**So yeah, kind of forgot to get the rice. :( **** Could you maybe swing by the market and get some bomba rice? Hell, any rice will do at this point. I'll start cooking as soon as you get here. **

I waited a few minutes before I heard the message tone, anxiously going around the room and checking to make sure that everything was immaculate in the process. Talk about an OCD moment…

**Yes of course, it won't be a problem. I'll do my best. We just got off the subway so we'll be there soon!**

_Can't wait…_

* * *

Alright, table set; check, candles lit; check, wine is chilling; check …you're trying too hard; check.

_I can do this._

"_Ahhh_! It smells so good in here Santana!" Rachel shouted as she abruptly slid the front door open.

She was rolling in a floral suitcase behind her and carrying a couple of extra bags over her shoulder. Jesus Quinn… you think you packed enough? I thought she was only staying for the weekend.

Speaking of which, where_ is_ Blondie?

Maybe she's curled up in a little ball inside the suitcase…

"As the exchange rate goes; I get a hug, and in return, you get this bag of rice." I recognized that soft and alluringly articulate voice almost immediately. There was just something about the sweet and gentle rasp in her voice that set off all my nerves. I froze in place as the pleasing sound fled through me; I became paralyzed and tongue-tied. No matter how much I had tried to prepare myself for this inevitable moment, I still wasn't quite ready.

…and there she was, suddenly appearing from the doorway and assertively making her way towards the kitchen, eyes fixed on me as I stood by the stove with a silent idiotic grin on my face. She had a mischievous smile and a mysterious glint in her eyes, and… that dress, my god, Quinn, _why_ are so fucking hot?

_Stop staring._

_Seriously, stop staring._

_I can do this, I can do this…_

_Just remember to breathe._

_Oh my fucking god, she's doing that sexy eyebrow quirking thing, I'm so, so beyond fucked._

"Earth to Lopez," she set the bag down at the table and tip-toed closer to me until she stopped and leaned a hand against the wooden counter next to the stove. I began fidgeting with my hands nervously at her proximity. She ate a small piece of the sliced zucchini from the cutting-board on the counter as she surveyed my countenance.

"…As an aspiring Director, I'm going to give you some help here. This is the part where you tell me how much you missed me, and then clasp me affectionately in your arms. Sound about right?" She quirked her brow again and smirked at me after she finished speaking.

_Dear god… so, so sexy. _

_Shit, I'm staring at her again, fuck me! _

_Oh god, bad thoughts… bad, bad thoughts._

"Oh Quinnie, full of yourself as usual I see," I tried my best to sound relaxed and confident, but ended up sounding bashful as I stepped forward, wrapping my arms around her core. I squeezed her tightly in my arms, also allowing myself to take in the scent of lavender and vanilla that was entirely her. I closed my eyes at the scent; I hadn't realized quite how much I missed it. I wish I could bottle this stuff… Okay, _that's_ a little creepy.

When I stopped being a creeper, I realized that she had jerked slightly and winced when I had applied pressure to her torso with my arms. I pulled away to give her a curious look, resting my hands at her hips, _which_ is starting to feel a bit awkward now… I have no fucking idea where to draw the line with her. This _is_ appropriate… right, _right_?

"Sorry about that, still a little sore there," she whispered tremulously and gleamed of embarrassment, breaking eye contact and looking down at the counter as she placed her hand at her right side by her ribs.

I nodded in realization and began sliding my left hand up from her hip to meet her hand over its current location. My hand seemed to be moving with its own volition. Quinn's hazel eyes found mine as my hand slowly slithered up her waist. It wasn't a _what the hell are you doing _look, it was more of a _please don't stop _one.

"I don't know about the two of you, but I'm starving!" Rachel interrupted us obliviously as she plopped down in one of the seats at the table. Quinn and I both turned to look at the Brunette.

_Perfect timing Rachel._

"How is everything coming along? Would you like some assistance?" She spoke eagerly.

Quinn gave me a half-smile and chuckled before she spun around and sat down next to Rachel; both girls were now looking at me expectantly. I coughed nervously and picked up the rice from the table before returning to the stove; attempting to ignore the surveillance that I seemed to be under.

"I gots this Berry. Besides, I _doubt_ Quinn wants your grubby man-hands all over her food," I smirked at my own remark and turned my head to see Rachel roll her eyes and snap to Quinn, who had just let out a loud guffaw and was now trying to straighten her face for Rachel, who had begun glaring at her. I took a deep breath and placed a large skillet on the stove. At this point, it seemed best to preoccupy myself with cooking, or at least try.

"I'm no expert on Spanish cuisine, but, aren't you supposed to use a Paella pan for that?" Rachel stated adeptly. She just _had_ to interrupt my flow. Little miss know-it-all.

"Correct…! Ten points for Gryffondork! As soon as you pull one out of your_ ass_, let me know," I responded snidely, which seemed to halt the brunettes badgering on my part as she began speaking to Quinn, whom was now biting her lower lip in attempt to keep an impassive face.

"You couldn't have seriously missed her…" Quinn reached her hands up to her jaw, cupping at her own cheeks, and shrugged in response to Rachel's rhetorical comment.

Wait a minute, is she blushing? Holy shit, Quinn is _blushing_! She really _did _miss me. I need to stop staring like this…

_Subtlety._

_I can do this, just focus on cooking and listen. Wait, reverse that._

"So where's the third stooge?" Quinn spoke; I'm assuming she's referring to Kurt.

"I'm not entirely sure. He said he had to go out at the last minute. He _did_ apologize for not being able to join us tonight. He also said that he's planning something for tomorrow night. Don't ask me what; your guess is as good as mine," Rachel was genuinely ignorant as to Kurt's current whereabouts. I know _exactly_ what's going on, but I have to remain silent. Kurt is out with Finn, considering I let the cat out the bag with _that_ one, and they are planning a way to surprise Rachel tomorrow night while Quinn is visiting. Can't wait to see _that_ reaction…

"I happen to like surprises," The blonde replied playfully.

What the hell Quinn, get out of my head. Well, I don't exactly mind you being there, but…

"That makes one of us," Rachel deadpanned.

Well that's just wonderful. Truthfully though; I'm too preoccupied with Quinn being here to actually give two shits about how tomorrow night goes over. That seems kind of selfish, but I honestly don't care at this point.

"Speaking of surprises, guess what I got for us to watch tonight!" Rachel sounded exuberant as she spoke.

"Hmmm? Something with… Barbra Streisand?" Quinn jested.

"Very funny, and no… two of your favorites actually, the original _Sabrina_ and _An Affair to Remember_!"

"You're too sweet Rach, although, are you sure we wanna put Santana to sleep so early?"

I have a gut feeling Quinn was prodding me with that statement. I certainly can't disappoint her.

"What Q? Don't think I can handle a little _classic_ romance?" I turned my head and winked at her as I poured a light coating of oil into the pan in front of me. She seemed to be reflecting for a moment.

"On the contrary," She drawled and eyed me up and down, licking at her rosy lips. Rachel may have assumed she was playing this up, but I, however, wasn't too sure about that.

"But we'll just see about that tonight, now won't we?" She finished her antics before turning back to Rachel.

My gaze lingered on her longer than it should have. I was surprised by her playful statements and wondered if they had double-meanings, or if I was just reading too much into her every word.

_For the quadrillionth fucking time…_

With the sound of the pan sizzling, and my mind distracted on my untamed thoughts, I drowned out a good portion of their conversation. That was, until, I heard them reach a subject that caught my attention ten-fold and peaked my interest; not that anything that came out of Quinn's beautiful lips _wasn't_ interesting.

"That's ridiculous, why didn't you call the police?! You're so much smarter than that. That has to be the most asinine-"

"-Rachel!" Quinn interrupted Rachel's chiding barks. "I'm not that foolish, I _was_ going to and you know that! We've discussed this several times already and I refuse to discuss it any further… and I suppose _now_ I should tell you what I found out on Wednesday." Quinn paused.

I turned my head as my curiosity was at its boiling point with _this _particular conversation.

Quinn noticed my attention and glanced up at me; I saw a twinkle of something that was so unadulterated and pure within her eyes.

"-that someone, _took care of him_ …for me," She breathed and turned back to Rachel; sincerity in her tone. The room was silent for a long moment with the exception of the skillet hissing.

"What-what happened? Who was it?"

"The rumors are that it was someone at the school. I'm like the fucking poster-child for date-rape back on campus. It's kind of funny actually," Quinn replied all too quickly, almost defensively.

Quinn laughed inaudibly before she continued, interrupting Rachel who looked like she was about to scold her for taking this so lightly. I returned my full attention to the stove in front of me; resolutely trying to hide any reactions I might have to whatever was coming next.

"H-he came to see me," Quinn sounded hesitant as she spoke, her voice faltering at the end.

"What?! The nerve of that ass-hole! I'm so sorry, what did you do?" I wasn't exactly accustomed to hearing Rachel use expletives. I fought in attempt to control the smile that was developing at the corners of my lips. I wasn't overly distressed about this; after all, I _did_ have a _hand_ in this situation.

That might be an understatement; it was more like a fist, actually, two fists, a knife, and a gangly man-child.

"Actually… he came to apologize. I was about to scream and call the police, but I was too startled by what I saw. He sounded defeated and looked absolutely petrified, I hardly recognized him."

"What did he say?!" Rachel sounded like an overly-intrusive detective. If I was actually looking right now, I would assume that her jaw was dropped. I could hear Quinn snickering at her.

"Well, for starters, he begged me to forgive him and said that he's… _sick_ and getting help for his… _problem_. He doesn't ever intend on speaking to me again, but he needed to _plead_ with me for forgiveness. He also said that he severely underestimated my friends," She paused and I couldn't help but feel like she was looking at me before she continued. "He said that the people who _persuaded_ him must _really_ care about me to have gone through the trouble they did."

"Who… did he say it was _exactly_?"

"Oh, some of my roommate's friends; she must have told them about it," Quinn answered overly-confident, anxiously cutting off the brunette.

Whoa… Quinn _has_ to know it was me, or she wouldn't be lying and speaking like this. Damn, I'm pretty sure she hated the idea of me doing anything to begin with, and here she is protecting my identity. I'm curious as to why she would do that for _me_. Rachel _is_ her best friend, and I was kind of expecting to get yelled at if she happened to find out.

"I see, wow. I'm not condoning it, but, I guess he… he had it coming. Do you mind if I ask what exactly they did to him?" Rachel asked hesitantly. She wasn't exactly one for violence. Fucking tree-hugging pacifists…

"Not at all, he described the full extent of his injuries; it's quite the extensive list actually. He also told the hospital that it was some gang he couldn't identify, because he didn't want to get my _friends_ or_ himself_ into any trouble if he could avoid it. He came to see me in crutches… he has a broken a leg, a dislocated jaw, two black eyes, a broken nose, a couple of broken ribs, …Oh, and they also slashed all four tires on his car."

I turned my head after an unexpected silence fell over the room. Rachel was staring at Quinn with wide eyes and her mouth was forming a perfect _O_.

"So yeah, if he wasn't genuinely sorry already, they certainly _made_ him," Quinn added lightly to fill in the silence.

"Wow, just… _wow_. I guess that solves that predicament. Um, how are you feeling?"

"Mmmm, well, the bruise on my side hasn't quite gone down yet, but other than that, I've been feeling much better," Her voice became hoarse as she spoke. "I'm truly grateful to be spending the weekend with you guys here in New York; you have _no_ idea how happy I am to be here."

"I doubt that. I'm so glad you decided to come!" Rachel said ecstatically. "Although, I'm sorry we don't have an extra room for you. I'm assuming the couch isn't going to be the greatest place for you to sleep, considering you're still in the process of healing…?"

"Not really," Quinn giggled. "but, I'll accept whatever sleeping arrangements work for you, as long as I don't have to sleep on the floor like your pet dog," she jested.

"Oh no, I didn't mean that! I wouldn't dream of making you sleep on the floor. You're a guest here. If you'd like… you can sleep in my bedroom with _me_? There's more than enough room for the both of us." Rachel sounded apologetic. "Or," She amended as if she was getting at something.

"You _could_ sleep with… Santana? If that's alright with _her_ of course."

I whipped around, shocked, with wide eyes at Rachel's suggestive statement. My heart-rate shot through the roof at the very thought of sharing a bed with Quinn and I could feel just how much it affected me in all of my pulse-points. Something about Rachel's tone seemed _very_ peculiar, and I couldn't quite detect what it was.

"Santana!" Quinn cried out my name and jumped up from her seat, nearly knocking it over in the process and speeding towards me with a panicked expression. She gripped my left wrist away from the stove once she reached me.

That was when I realized what I had just done… When I turned around, I had absent-mindedly pressed my hand against the side of the hot skillet.

"Shit!"

Quinn gingerly pulled me over to the sink and ran the cold water.

"Here…, Rachel, can you get some ice?" She said as she lifted my hand up over the counter and under the faucet. She didn't let go of my hand; she tilted it in her grasp so that the water was running directly over where I had burned it. You know… I _could _do this myself. But the truth is, as much as this hurts, this is really nice. Quinn _touching_ me is _really_ nice. It's only a minor burn, but it was so worth it…

_It's confirmed, I seriously have a fucking problem._

Besides, Quinn just happens to be leaning into me right now, and who am I to stop her? That would just be rude.

I tilted my head towards my left shoulder so that I could look at Quinn. I needed to see her face; what was she thinking? Is she laughing at me? That was _really_ fucking embarrassing…

When I turned my head, I discovered that her eyes were concentrated on me. It wasn't what I was expecting to see. She wasn't even blinking, just peering into me mysteriously. Her mind seemed preoccupied and distant. I found myself staring back at her. Her lips began curling upwards when I did so, and she began to smile. She reached up her other hand and began rubbing the pad of her thumb faintly over my left cheek.

"I… I make you nervous …don't I?" She spoke brokenly just above a whisper, I wouldn't have been able to hear her if she wasn't standing so close to me right now. She was smiling innocently and shifting her eyes from left to right over my features. I leaned into her hand as it brushed my cheek and began to close my eyes at the soft and warm touch. _Another_ warmth was beginning to develop elsewhere; aside from the throbbing heat on the outer edge of my hand.

"So, is that a _yes_?" she whispered shyly.

"Hmmm?" I responded with my eyes closed, completely oblivious as to what she was talking about. I was too caught up in her current proximity and it was clouding my mind. I felt all warm and fuzzy inside.

"Spending the night, in your… bed," I opened my eyes, only to see her now tense and almost fearful expression. Her smile was completely gone and she looked glum. Her eyes shifted and she looked down at the floor, blinking several times; she swallowed as if there was an obstruction in her throat.

"Yeah, I mean… I'd like that," I managed to finally speak. I realized how raspy and shaky my voice was after I choked the words out. She tilted her head back up to me and I noticed her eyes were glistening. She forced a smile before she pulled her hand away from my face, nervously tucking a strand of hair that had fallen loose behind her ear.

"Um… here's the ice, is it bad?" Rachel interrupted as she cautiously approached us. Jesus, how long has she been standing there watching us? This is _so_ awkward; I didn't mean to make anyone uncomfortable.

_Why is it so fucking hot in here all of a sudden?_

"It's not that bad Rach, it was only like a second. I'm sure it'll just be red for a while or something," I responded and shrugged.

Quinn seemed to be the one at a loss for words now. She released my hand and leaned her back against the counter, crossing her arms and looking up at Rachel. She appeared as though she was entranced in deep thought.

"Right, well, why don't you hold some ice on it and go help Quinn get settled in _your_ room. I left your bags over there," Rachel looked curiously between me and Quinn for a moment and then gestured behind the couch where she had placed the blonde's luggage.

"What about dinner? It'll be done in like ten minutes anyways. I can-"

"-I think I can manage Santana. My _man-hands_ are perfectly capable of babysitting the food for that duration. I'll just call you two in once it's done," She rolled her eyes at me and walked over to the stove; shooing me and Quinn away in the process.

Fuck… now I have to be alone with Quinn. I mean, that's a good thing, but, _fuck_!

What the hell was that just now anyways? Did we just have a moment or something?

Quinn pulled herself away from the counter and walked over to her luggage. She didn't even turn around to look at me as she made her way across the room; she just moved with purpose, effectually avoiding me. Why did she seem so distant all of a sudden? _She_ was the one who was coming on to me, if that _is_ what she was doing.

"Coming San? It _would_ be a little strange for me to just help myself into your room… unless that is, you're okay with that." She was now standing outside of my room with her bags. She was looking down at her feet and shifting her weight as she spoke.

"Go ahead Q, be there in a minute," I forced a smile, and with that, she disappeared behind the curtains.

"You sure you got this alright? I can finish up," I felt kind of awkward leaving Rachel alone out here like this, and I almost felt like she was _trying_ to get rid of us. But I couldn't tell if it was for her sake, or ours.

"Yes…, now go spend some time with Quinn. This will only to take a few minutes anyways." She nodded and turned her head to give me a reassuring smile. It still seemed like she was holding something back, but I wasn't going to pry.

* * *

When I walked into my room past the closed curtain, I noticed an open suitcase at the foot of my bed. There was Quinn, resting on her back next to her disheveled luggage and gazing blankly up at the ceiling, fidgeting with her hands at her waist.

Once she realized I was in the room she carefully pulled herself up onto her elbows and looked up at me, almost angrily. Seriously Q, what the fuck did I do? I don't have the patience for any more games. She blows _so_ damn fucking hot and cold.

"Are you sure you want me here?" she scoffed with a quirked eyebrow, and it wasn't attractive this time. This was fierce Quinn and she seemed flustered about something on her mind.

_What the fuck? Where did that come from?_

"What are you talking about? Of course I want you here," I tossed the ice-pack onto the nightstand and crossed my arms as I leaned up against the wall to the right of the bed.

"I don't know, I guess, I'm just being silly," She chided herself and smiled at me cautiously before continuing. "It's just… with everything that's happened between us, I had this ominous feeling that you… didn't want to see me, and now, were going to be roommates for the next two nights. It's just kind of, _surreal_…" She looked quizzically ahead at the curtains in front of her as she spoke, as if she was drowning in her own self-doubt.

I nodded and looked at her for a moment before speaking. She seemed more vulnerable now and was dropping the walls she was in the process of putting up. I know that wasn't exactly the easiest thing in the world for her to do, and I know from my own personal experience. Neither of us really wanted to be associated with our HBIC status anymore.

"I want you here Q, I really do. What more do you want from me? What do you want me to say?" I shook my head at her and furrowed my brows. I can't… I can't tell her how I feel. She has the power to stomp my beating heart until there's nothing left. I don't know what the hell she wants from me.

"Nothing," She swung her legs out, pulled herself up off of the bed, and took a step towards me before stopping; smirking at me.

"_Actions speak louder than words_ Santana," She took another step forward and paused yet again.

"And what exactly are my _actions _telling you, Yoda?" I rolled my eyes at her, mostly because she was starting to make me nervous. She now had a cocky grin on her face, and she took another step forward.

"I know it was, _you_," She said in a matter-of-fact tone.

_Fuck, I should have known this was coming._

_Am I trembling now? Yup, definitely trembling._

"I lied to Rachel. Robert_ told_ me that it was some crazy Latina in a cheerleader uniform who must have escaped from the psychiatric ward… and may I say, that has to be one of the most mentally deranged and careless things _anyone_ has _ever_ done." She shook her hands out in front of her; her words had a bit more bite to them this time. Yet, she took another step forward.

I didn't dare move; I was frozen against the wall like cornered prey. I just narrowed my eyes at her and waited for the presumed attack.

"…And, if you ever do anything like that, ever again, _I'll take care of you_ myself." She muttered and scolded me for my actions; gritting her teeth once she was finished. She took _another_ step forward; she was now standing directly in front of me, close enough to make the hairs on the back of my neck start standing up.

She looked harshly into my eyes. I shifted my glance from the daggers she was shooting at me. I felt an uneasiness begin to develop in the pit of my stomach.

"No-one," She spoke in a husky tone and smiled after she finished, flashing her perfect white teeth. She stepped in even closer to me, which I didn't think was even possible at this point. "Has _ever_ done, anything like that for me before." She licked her lips and rested her hands at my waist, pushing me flush up against the wall behind me. There was something else in her eyes now, something more, carnal.

"I'm _not _going to say thank you," She leaned forward and whispered into my right ear and then tilted her head so that she could look into my eyes.

What, what is she doing? I shivered in place; for a moment I almost thought she might bite into me like one of Dracula's victim's. I felt helpless.

"But I promise you, that I'm going to find a _way_ to make it up to you," She spoke in a seductive and softer tone this time.

"Wh-what exactly did you have in mind?" Did I just say that? _Fuck_… This conversation wasn't exactly going in a direction I felt comfortable with. Why did I just say that? I can't let her use me anymore, it's too painful. My body may be saying yes, _dear god_ is it saying yes; but my heart is _begging_ for mercy, and I can't ignore it. Things are different now, for me at least…

"Oh, I'm sure I can think of something," She took a step back and was staring at my breasts. I crossed my arms once I saw the wanton gleam in her eyes. She quirked a brow again and looked at me curiously.

"No, I can't do this." I shook my head at her as I looked down at the floor between us.

"Do what…?"

"Q, you can't just come barging into my life like this and use me like some experimental blow up doll to get your fix. It doesn't fucking work that way… It can't, I can't handle that. You have no idea what, you… What you do to me, alright."

_Fuck!_ I definitely just revealed way, _way_ too much. This wasn't the plan. She just frustrates me so _fucking _much. As much as I want her, I can't have her, not like this… I'm not a toy. At what cost do I get to _actually_ have her?

The sly grin on her face dropped and she looked somber now. She stepped forward again; placing me back into the position she had me in previously, except more delicately this time.

"Q, w-what are you-" I breathed guardedly, I wasn't expecting her to do that.

"-Oh..., just _shut-up _already," She berated and shook her head, with a rapturous expression and a crafty half-smile as she leaned in, enveloping any distance left between us.

_Holy shit._

She pressed her entire body against me, every curve of our bodies molding together perfectly, and in a bold fit of passion; she pressed her lips against mine. She placed one hand behind my waist to pull me even further into her and entwined the other hand into the back of my hair, nails scratching lightly against my scalp, deepening the kiss.

_Quinn Fabray is kissing me, and she's kissing me just because she feels like it._

At first I was reluctant because I was afraid, but I couldn't fight it, how could I fight _this_? The kiss certainly shut me up; it said that she wasn't using me; it said that she wanted more than just sex; it said I was more to her than just some college girl's experimental game. I'd still much rather hear her say it, but this would _definitely_ suffice as a good stand in for now.

She ran the tip of her tongue across my bottom lip, begging for entrance. I parted my lips and moaned as she entered. She devoured me completely and groaned fervently into my open mouth as our tongues desperately searched for the others contact. It was intense and lustful; it was almost too much to handle. She needed to slow down or I was going to implode. If she continued applying this much pressure into _all_ the right places, I was going to need _more_, and I was going to need it _soon_. The sound of our breathy moans became intertwined. The heat pooling from the uncontrollable volcano that was erupting in my chest was beginning to flow down between my legs. I grabbed at the back of her dress and formed fists with the loose material I had garnered, while simultaneously digging my nails into her back. My body temperature was climbing to an unhealthy level from the heat of the moment.

Just then, she slowed down and began kissing me more tenderly, taking her time; as if she somehow knew what I wanted, in that moment, she knew what I _needed_. The erratic and quick strokes of her tongue became soft, and deliberate, and each individual one had its own language. The feeling of those lips pulling and pressing against mine in a purposeful and timely fashion had me seeing stars and visions of other galaxies far beyond. I could feel Quinn's chest beginning to heave against mine. My own lungs were burning from the lack of oxygen.

She retrieved her tongue and sucked on my lower lip, before she placed a wet and soft lingering kiss against my now flush lips. I opened my starry eyes when I felt her rest her forehead against mine. I hadn't realized how badly I was actually trembling and that I was panting for air, until now. She took my breath away, in the literal _and_ figurative sense. I reached my hand up to her jaw and held it there. Her eyes were darkened with desire, not for my body, but for something it seemed she couldn't get enough of despite how hard she tried.

"Quinn…" I looked down at her lips as I breathed against her endearingly.

"I hate myself for needing you so badly," She choked out and shook her head against mine and smiled before continuing. "…Y-you're trembling." She swallowed when she finished and squeezed me as if by doing so would somehow relieve the tremors I was now enduring.

"S-so are you," I breathed and returned her smile. We were quivering up against each other on the wall, afraid to let go of one another. She began shaking her head as it was still pressed against mine, and closed her eyes before she started inaudibly giggling, adding to the jitters we were already attempting to control.

There's something about being here with her this way, in this moment. It makes me feel completely exposed and vulnerable… and it feels _real_. It feels _right_.

"Dinner is ready! I told you I could do it!" Quinn and I both flinched when we heard the voice that we had forgotten was still present in the apartment. Rachel had called out from the kitchen and we couldn't stay in this compromising position any longer; if she were to walk in right now, that would be a whole lot of explaining I doubt neither one of us was ready for.

"I'll walk out first this time…?" I winked at the blonde in front of me.

Quinn smirked and pulled away from me before sitting back down on the edge of the bed, crossing her legs and leaning back on her palms.

"Ideally, _next_ time, I'd like for neither one of us to walk out," She looked up at me through her lashes affectionately. I leaned over her and placed a soft and ardent kiss to her forehead before fixing myself so I didn't look like I had just been involved in a ravenous make-out session. I took one last look at the embodiment of perfection that sat on my bed, before stepping out of my room and into the kitchen.

Could I just skip dinner? I'm not exactly hungry anymore, not for _Paella_ anyways…

_I think I'm going to become a Quinnetarian. _

* * *

I spent the majority of dinner playing with the food on my plate and pretending to listen, throwing in the occasional nod. Rachel and Quinn went on and on about the theatre business and plays that they were both keenly interested in. My thoughts, however, were preoccupied on what had just happened between Quinn and I, _and_ the fact that she was going to be sleeping with _me_, in _my_ bed, _tonight_.

It seems like she's just as nervous about this as I am. She keeps pulling me in to her, like a magnet; I can't stay away from her and I can't fight it. Whatever this is, it's _not_ something I'm going to mess with. When I forget all my fears and doubts, and it's just me and her, it just makes sense… and that kiss gives me hope. I can't believe that actually happened; that _this_ is actually happening. It feels like a dream.

After dinner we all retired to the living room. Rachel put on _An Affair to Remember _after shutting off all the lights in the apartment_._ I decided to sit in the chair furthest away from Quinn, who sat down next to Rachel on the couch. It was easier to control myself this way. Although, I spent the majority of the movie taking chances and staring at the blonde; occasionally she would catch me in the act and we would share a knowing smile. Rachel and Quinn both cried at the end of the movie and I just rolled my eyes at them when they insisted that my eyes were red and teary. Give me a break…

Although Rachel was yawning, she had insisted that we watch the second movie. It was no surprise when somewhere around the first 30 minutes or so into_ Sabrina, _the brunette had fallen asleep. Quinn was now sitting on the part of the couch closest to me, and Rachel's head was resting on Quinn's lap facing her stomach as she lay out across the couch. She would occasionally snore and Quinn and I would giggle at her. The candle that was still lit on the coffee table was finally beginning to fade out, and at some point the empty bottle of wine had rolled onto the floor

The scene where the older dude was driving Sabrina in the convertible came on. Quinn decided to join in when Audrey Hepburn began singing. I turned my attention from the screen and became entranced with Quinn's soft and gentle crooning. She was careful not to wake the still sleeping brunette in her lap.

"_Il est entré dans mon coeur… Une part de Bonheur… Dont je connais la cause," _She noticed I was watching her and turned her head to wink at me as she played with Rachel's hair.

"_C'est lui pour moi… Moi pour lui dans la vie… Il me l'a dit, l'a juré pour la vie," _She blushed at me sweetly and concluded her singing once she realized the characters were now conversing and she was left singing alone.

_How is it possible to be that fucking adorable?_

It wasn't like I hadn't heard her sing a million times before, but something about this seemed different. It was personal and tender; as if she were serenading me; even though I didn't understand a word of it. I turned my attention back to the movie, which I had never seen before. The plot is somewhat obvious, although, I'll admit I'm a bit lost at the moment because I've spent the majority of the film making flirtatious expressions at Quinn and watching _her_ instead of the movie.

"So who does she end up with anyways? I really haven't been paying attention. I thought she was in love with that other dude, David _Whatshisface_…?" Quinn laughed at me and had to reach her hand up to cover her mouth once she realized how loud she was.

"I've noticed, I've caught your eyes on _me_ more often than I have on the _movie_," She stated satirically.

"And how would you know that, Q?" I winked at her. She blushed and tilted her head shyly away from me for a moment before smiling.

"Well played," She murmured under her breath.

"Would you like a quick plot summary, seeing as how I _doubt_ you're going to keep your eyes on the screen long enough to understand anyways?" She added sarcastically and smirked at me.

I nodded at her, purposefully widening my eyes in mock interest as if what she was going to say was of the utmost importance.

"Oh please… well, I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that you _actually_ absorbed all the basic details and watched the beginning of the movie. Sabrina has been infatuated with David for a good portion of her life and she _thinks_ that she's in love with him. She thinks that there can't possibly be anyone else for her, but she finds out that he's betrothed to someone else. Linus meddles in and pretends to court her for obvious reasons, but somewhere along the line _he_ begins to develop feelings for her, and he wasn't expecting that to happen as it's something he's not accustomed to, and it doesn't exactly fit into his business as usual perfect little world. Sabrina is beginning to realize that she's falling for him, and that what she felt for David was just puppy love; what she feels for Linus is the _real_ thing. Linus is like the complete opposite of David, more mature and refined, and surprisingly a better fit for Sabrina. Both Linus and Sabrina have a difficult time understanding and accepting their feelings for one another. Whether or not they end up together… you'll just have to wait and see, if that is, you can control yourself," Rachel groaned and squirmed in her sleep as Quinn was finishing _her _version of the _plot summary_.

"Hmmm, on that note, I think I better get her to bed. Care to help me?" Quinn wiggled her eyebrows at me and ran her fingers through her hair before she attempted to slide out from under the brunette, careful not to jolt her awake in the process.

"Oh _hell_ yes, the last thing I want is to have to listen to the _lovely_ nasal lullabies of Broadway star Rachel Berry all night," I sat up and walked over to Rachel, leaning over the sleeping brunette.

"How do we go about doing this _without_ waking her?" Quinn leaned over the back of the couch and looked down at Rachel, and then back to me expectantly.

"You talking about our little Care Bear? She's hibernating right now, you could flip the couch over and _it_ would still be sleeping. We'd also need to mop the puddle of drool _it_ would be laying in tomorrow. Go open her door and get her bed ready, I'll bring her in." Quinn looked at me in surprise before she nodded and grinned at my comment. She turned around and began walking off to Rachel's room.

I bent my legs for support and carefully lifted Rachel into my arms. Alright, so she's a little heavier than I expected. Jesus fucking Christ… Maybe she really _is_ going into hibernation. I can do this…

After I set her into the bed, Quinn tucked her in and I left the room. I ventured to the bathroom and then to get a glass of water from the kitchen. While I was standing over the sink, I saw Quinn quietly leaving Rachel's room and tip-toeing her way towards my bedroom before she disappeared behind the curtain.

_Fuck… I almost forgot that I'm sharing a bed with her tonight._

* * *

I neglected to turn off the movie and figured it wouldn't be that big of a deal to leave the television on and let the movie finish. If Kurt decided to _ever_ come home, he could always shut it off himself.

I made my way to the bedroom and pulled back the curtain, looking straight ahead at the bed.

"Q," My breath immediately hitched in my throat as I shifted my glance over at the wall to the right of my bed.

_Fuck me..._

_There is a god._

Quinn stood facing the wall with her back to me. She crossed her arms up over her head as she pulled her dress off and tossed it onto the floor beside her. She then bent over torturously slow to lean over her suitcase as she pulled something out. Her purple panties were very, _very_ revealing. She stood back up with a dress-like chemise in her right hand and reached her left hand over her shoulder to unclasp her bra, flexing her muscles in the process and letting it fall to the floor in front of her after removing her arms.

_Is she trying to give me a heart attack?_

_If she is, it's definitely working._

"Enjoying the view?" She mumbled as she pulled the chemise over her head and glided it down over her curves. She spun around and rested her hand on her hip, giving me a lascivious smirk as she licked her lips.

Shitty, shit, shit… fuckity, fuck, fuck… Stop staring. _Stop_ staring.

Quinn laughed softly and made her way to the right side of the bed, curling up under the covers and patting her hand on the empty side of the bed, gesturing for me to join her underneath.

"I-I um, I s-still need t-to change," I managed to choke out and shifted my eyes, trying to look anywhere but at Quinn, trying to hide how turned on I _actually_ was.

"Mhmmm," Quinn drawled as she indiscreetly eyed every inch of my body. "You afraid I'm going to watch you? I would never do that, only_ pervy_ people do _that_," She jested and giggled at her accusation as she lifted the blanket up just below her eyes, slowly lifting it above her eyes and lowering it several times.

"Fine," I strutted over to my side of the bed. "Let's see how _Quinn_ enjoys the taste of her own medicine."

I stopped at the edge of my bed and wiggled my brows at the blonde who was now peaking at me over the edge of the blanket; a wicked playfulness in her eyes, as if she was daring me to go on. That is so fucking adorable… It took every fiber of my being for me to not rip the blanket away and jump her.

_Challenge accepted Blondie. _

I undid the button on my jeans and then began trailing down my zipper. I reached my thumbs into the sides of my jeans and then slid them down languidly, keeping my eyes locked on Quinn in the process. I intentionally held a straight face, pressuring her to falter or look away. This was like a game of strip-chicken… I stepped out of my jeans and kicked them away from the bed. Quinn was still peering at me over the covers, she seemed frozen in place, afraid to speak or move.

I gave her a smug grin before straightening my face again. I began pulling my shirt up over my head slowly before tossing it onto the bed at her, giving her a full frontal view of my red lace bra and panties that were practically see-through. I gave her a challenging look before turning around and bending over to grab a pajama shirt out of my dresser drawer. After putting it on, I walked to the edge of the bed and pulled the blanket up, leaning over as I crawled in on my hands and knees before finally settling down on my back.

I looked over to see Quinn's reaction; she raised an eyebrow before dropping the blanket she was still holding up.

"Didn't you forget something?" She remarked, glancing down at my knees that were currently bent up under the blanket.

"Nope, not that I can think of," I retorted confidently before reaching over and turning off the lamp on my nightstand.

"Mmmm," she hummed before I felt her silky body snuggle up against mine under the blanket. She wrapped her leg over my exposed legs, porcelain skin covering caramel skin. I gasped loudly when I felt her press her leg down over mine. She giggled at my reaction. She's fucking freezing, and I wasn't expecting the sensation.

_You can take my body heat though, you can take it all._

"_So_ warm…" She groaned as she wrapped her arm around my waist. "This is _really _nice."

"It is," I replied under my breath just as she pressed her head into the crook of my shoulder and neck. Her hot breath startled me and sent a shiver jolting down my spine. I craned my neck and kissed the top of her head before settling back into my pillow. My eyes were just starting to adjust to the darkness in the room.

"Hey San," She whispered into my skin. I shuddered, still getting used to her lips being so intimately close to my body.

"Hmmm?" I hummed as I began playing loosely with her hand at my side.

"What's happening to us?" She asked shyly.

That's certainly a good question. Truth is… I have _no_ fucking clue. This is probably the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire life, and it makes no sense, but at the same time, it makes _perfect_ sense. All I know is that if it feels like _this, _it doesn't need a label to still be perfect.

"I don't know Q," I retorted sincerely.

"Is this okay though, I mean, are you okay with us… with, _me_?" she spoke brokenly, and I detected self-doubt in her tone.

_Oh, I'm more than o-fucking-kay with this. You can hold me like this for the rest of your life if it makes you happy._

_You can hold my heart while you're at it, too. _

_On second thought, too late..._

_You have my heart and you don't even know it. Just please, please don't fucking drop it._

"San..?" She sounded nervous.

"Sorry," I tilted my head and placed another chaste kiss to the top of her head. "I was just thinking of a proper way to respond to that. You should know that I am _very_ okay with this."

"Oh, thank god…" She squeezed me with her leg and arm as she let out a deep exhale into my neck. I felt her heart beating out of her chest furiously against the side of my body.

"There's so much I want to say to you, but, I just don't know how to say it right now… so please forgive me if I seem like a bitch sometimes, I don't mean it. I really don't, you're the last person I'd ever want to hurt," Her words came out as a whisper into the crook of my neck, her lips occasionally grazing my skin as she spoke wholeheartedly. I tried to ignore the wet heat her ghosting touch started between my legs and focused on the conversation.

_Yeah, that would explain a lot._

"Thanks Q, thank you for telling me that. There's no rush, whenever you're ready," I breathed a sigh of relief and felt Quinn begin to draw lazy circles on my side by my ribs. Wait a minute…

_Shit!_

"Q, are you comfortable, do you wanna role over or something?" I spoke urgently.

"Hmmm?" She sounded confused as she snuggled further against me.

"Your bruise Q, I don't wanna hurt you," She began giggling into my neck after I spoke.

"You know, I completely forgot about it. You somehow take my pain away."

"Good to know, and here I always thought I was just a _pain_ in your ass," I chaffed; reaching my left arm around her as I began gently massaging her back.

"That feels really nice," she sighed as I continued to massage the small of her back.

We lay in a comfortable and blissful silence for several minutes; Quinn cuddling up against me and our body heat radiating off of one another.

I wonder if we look like lovers right now. Friends _don't_ exactly hold each other so impassioned…

_I think she may have fallen asleep._

"_Some things just, some things just make sense… and one of those is you and I…" _

_Apparently I was wrong._

"_Some things just, some things just make sense… and even after all this time… I'm into you, Baby not a day goes by… that I'm no-o-ot, into you!"_

At first I was wondering what the hell she was talking about, was she making a heartfelt statement? Then I realized she was singing... It was hard to tell because she was whispering the words and humming lowly.

_Why those lyrics? I wish I knew what was going on in that little head of yours._

"What's that from?"

"_I'm Still Into You_, it's a song from the new _Paramore_ album," She sounded amused.

"I didn't even know they came out with a new album…"

"It only came out a few days ago; I have it here with me. We can listen to it _together_ tomorrow if you'd like?" She responded, sounding very pleased with the possibility of us listening to music together.

"I'd love to…" I said hoarsely and settled even further into the bed after I spoke.

"It's a date," She said jokingly as she placed a warm and lingering kiss against my jawline. "Goodnight Santana."

"Goodnight Q…" I arched the corner of my lip and fluttered my eyes shut.

_I love you._


	9. Angel of the morning

**A/N: **If you'd like. May I suggest listening to Amy Winehouse's "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow" - Santana's song, and Kimbra's "Withdraw" Live Studio Session - Quinn's song. These songs are for the night before this chapter. (I plan on eventually releasing a Fanmix for this)

* * *

I felt the bed dip behind me and shift around under my still and sedated body; becoming abruptly pulled out of my contentedly dreamy state. My burning eyes felt glued shut and heavier than they usually did when I would first awaken. As I gradually managed to peel them open, careful of the amount of light I allowed to penetrate, I realized, there _was_ no light. It was still completely dark within the room, darker than it was before I had fallen asleep in the first place.

_What the hell?_

I felt a loud and tremendous yawn escape from myself as I became more aware of my own body. I lifted my head minutely off of the pillow and looked over at the clock next to the bed. I struggled to read what looked like 4:12 a.m. from the only light-source within the room. What the _flying_ fuck? Wait a minute, _Quinn_. Why the hell is she awake so early? I know she's a morning person …but _damn_.

I pulled myself up and leaned my back against the pillows behind me before turning my head to search for Quinn; my eyes still adjusting to the blackness that surrounded me. I reached my hand out to where she had been laying and snuggling up against me. It was still warm, but empty; the blanket had been pulled back and the previously sleeping blonde was now missing. As my eyes continued to adjust, her shadowy figure began to focus in. She was sitting hunched over off the edge of her side of the bed, facing the wall away from me. I saw the silky back of her white chemise leading up to shoulder straps that ran over creamy skin; and haphazard blonde hair.

_She looks like an angel that lost its wings..._

"Q… babe, it's like five in the morning, come back to bed," I spoke sweetly in a low and soft tone as I rubbed at my eyes and let out another yawn; more than ready to go back to sleep. I am _so_ not a morning person. Doesn't she know that by now?

I watched her from behind and waited for some kind of reaction, _any_ reaction, but she remained perfectly still. She wasn't moving, she wasn't speaking… she wasn't doing anything. Seriously, why the hell is she awake so fucking early, and why isn't she answering me?

Then it clicked.

_Oh god._

_Please, please don't be regretting this Quinn._

_I need you; please don't do this to me._

_Don't pull away._

_My heart can't take any more of this yo-yoing._

"Q…" I softly proposed another opportunity for her to answer me, but she continued sitting there lifelessly on the edge of the bed. She was so near, yet so far away. I wondered if I would ever be able to reach her, _really_ reach her. What the hell? Everything seemed _more_ than perfect before we fell asleep together last night. It was almost too good to be true… Of course it is.

I pulled myself across her half of the bed, cautiously approaching her. I felt like I was moving in slow motion; I was afraid of startling her; afraid of what I might find once I reached her. I don't want answers if it means that this lump in my throat is going to expand any further. She could tell me that she doesn't want this, any of this, whatever the fuck_ this_ is. My heart needs to stop burning and aching like this, it hurts like a motherfucker. How is it that you do this to me? God _damn_ it Quinn…

I swallowed in attempt to hold back the lump in my throat after I got close enough to feel the body heat radiating off of her back.

"Q…" I tried again, and after no reply, I let out a deep sigh of frustration and sunk my face into the bunched up blanket to the right of me before grumbling something incoherent into the down material that still smelled of fabric softener.

_You said I'm the last person you'd ever want to hurt._

_So why is it that you hurt me so easily?_

Hold your shit together, don't overreact... I'm going to get her to respond to me. I just need to be gentle about this and not get upset with her. I can do that. Well, I can at least _try_. Why is it that she has the ability to unravel my composure so effortlessly? No-one should be allowed to do this to _anyone_, it's fucked up and it's painful. My heart began aching painfully against the confinements of my chest.

I forcefully exhaled and pulled myself back up so that I was directly behind her. I decided to wrap my completely exposed legs around her limp body, before I reached my arms around her waist and intertwined my fingers, resting my hands against her abdomen and pulling myself up against her back. I rested my chin on her right shoulder and took another deep breath. Before I could even speak, she had placed her hands over mine and leaned backwards into my embrace. She swallowed and closed her eyes before she let out a long drawn-out sigh.

_Well, hello… welcome back._

_Where the fuck were you just now?_

"You wanna tell me what's wrong?" I whispered and held my chest in place for a moment after I spoke, stilling my breath, reluctant to the idea of a response. This is so going to end badly… _fuck_. I asked for this. I've been too naive about this whole thing. I should have known she wasn't ready for this. My entire body felt like I had just awoken from the alarming sensation of falling, my heart rate and nerves kicked into overdrive.

_Seriously, no one should be able to smell this fucking good._

_Alright, that's really not helping any right now._

"I… I had _another _nightmare," she mumbled hesitantly, and I could feel her heart begin to beat irregularly against me. Her breathing became heavy and laborious after she finally spoke. I wrapped my legs around her even tighter and squeezed the beautiful blonde in my arms before placing an open mouthed kiss to the side of her neck, and breathing against it. She quivered in my arms and squeezed my hands in her grasp.

This wasn't just any nightmare. Something was wrong. She needed me desperately, she needed me _now, _in this moment, she just didn't know how to come out and _say_ it. It seems the harder she makes it for me to love her, the more she needs it. This wasn't her retreating, this wasn't her pulling away, and this wasn't her regretting. The aching in my chest subsided in realization.

_I'm sorry I doubted you, my angel._

"You're safe Q, I've got you, I promise I won't let go," I whispered against her before trailing down her neck with my lips, stopping at her collar bone and placing a fleeting kiss before speaking again. "Do you wanna tell me about it?"

She nodded longer than necessary and I could feel her taking a deep breath in my arms, her abs expanding and contracting several times against my palms. She was reluctant to speak.

"They've b-been recurring since… y-you know. _Um_, s-since-"

She wavered on her words as she struggled to get them out. Hearing her speak like this showed me just how much this must have _really_ bothered her. She had always been good at hiding things, especially her emotions. She never let anyone see her quite this vulnerable, if at all. Yet here she was, completely naked before me; in the figurative sense of the word. She was bearing her soul to me, instilling complete trust that I wouldn't hurt her while her guard was down.

"-Saturday?" I couldn't bear to listen to her suffering any longer, so I cut her off and finished for her, in attempt to alleviate some of her pain. She speedily nodded after I spoke and I tightened my grip around her at the admission. I could feel her palms beginning to sweat over mine and she seemed warmer than she was just moments ago. I could feel her heart steadily pounding against me and her body tense up as I held her in place. It was nearly breaking me to see her like this; to _feel_ her like this.

"Shit," She began shuddering in my arms repeatedly. That was when I noticed that she had begun crying; quiet, gentle sobs. "Babe…"

"I-I'm so sorry," She managed inaudibly under her breath and began shaking her head as the tears came streaming down her cheeks. I pulled my right hand out from her vice-like grip and began gently wiping her hot tears away with the back of my curled fingers, before running them across her shaking lips, languidly; lingering over them after tracing out the contours. I retracted my hand to its previous location over her abdomen; tucking it back underneath her hand. I felt my heart breaking, with every quiver, and with every broken sob. Her pain had somehow become my pain. I vowed to myself right then and there that I would _never_ allow myself to _ever_ be the cause of her pain, even if it meant that I had to suffer in her place. Oh, fuck it all, I know its cliché, but, I'd die for you Blondie…

_How could anyone ever hurt you?_

_I really should have killed that guy…_

"Oh, _god_," She breathed through her dwindling sobs as she tilted her head over her left shoulder, turning away from me. Her current thoughts and mood seemed to be shifting, as if she was in the process of putting her walls back up. "I-I wish that I c-could tell you-"

"-Q, I'm right here, you can talk to me, alright?" I nudged her with my chin after speaking as my own body became taut from the current weight she was bearing. Quinn shook her head furiously in reply.

"I-I can't," She huffed in protest innocently, as if she had no control over her hindrance.

_Oh, hell no._

_You're telling me. If I have to rip these walls down with my bare hands, you're letting me in._

"Yes you can," I choked out, prodding her to answer me. She took a deep breath, causing her shoulders to rise and fall back into place, before she nodded reluctantly.

"Promise me," She managed to get out. I nodded in response over her shoulder. "You won't run away, and you won't panic after I tell you," She managed to gain some composure in her words and turned her head towards me. I lifted my head up off her shoulder so that I could take a stark look at her.

Her hair was a disheveled mess; the area surrounding her eyes reddened and puffy from her tears; her eyes themselves appeared as dark as the night, her eyelids occasionally twitching. Her bottom lip quivered and she bit it in restraint as she searched me nervously for an answer. As much as it pained me to think about what she could possibly say to have either of the aforementioned effects on me, I hesitantly nodded. I said I'd suffer in her place if I had to, and I meant it.

_I really would die for you, just, please don't be the one to kill me..._

"I-If I'm _really_ going to do this, I need you to just listen. _No_ speaking, and _no_ distracting looks." She stated sternly and shot me a serious expression.

"…and preferably don't hate me," she mumbled under her breath in amendment, glancing towards the floor as she did so.

"I… I can do that," I swallowed thickly after I spoke and tried to contain the fear that was beginning to wash over me. It's too late to back out now. Is it too late to go take out a life insurance policy? I seriously wish I had written a will…

_Dear Quinn, to you, I leave my lifeless imperfect heart._

Quinn pulled my hands away from her stomach and set them down on the bed beside us. She then placed her hands on the inner thigh of my legs and applied pressure, gesturing for me to remove them from her. She was trying to stand up. I unwrapped my restraining legs from around the blonde and set them on either side of her off the edge of the bed, and with that, she pulled herself onto her feet. She stood there for a moment in front of me before turning around on her heel. She eyed me curiously and nodded to herself in thought. Almost as if she were reassuring herself that she could do this.

Before I even realized what was happening, I felt her lunge herself onto my body. She was now straddling my thighs on the edge of the bed, this time; her legs were wrapped around me. I was forced to reach my arms back and lean up on my palms to keep myself from flying back onto the bed. I immediately had to fight the instinctive urge to roll my hips up into her. The new and abrupt position had almost instantaneously sent a wet heat shooting down between my legs.

_Fuck me; _I hope to god she can't feel that… On second thought, she _probably_ can...

When she settled on top of me, her chemise had ridden up to her waist, and our most intimate centers were now pressed up hard against each other; two sheer lines of material now _all_ that separated us. I had to control the primal sigh that I hadn't realized was beginning to escape me. I'm pretty sure this wasn't what she was intending.

_How am I supposed to focus now?_

_So. Fucking. Hot._

_I can do this… _

"Oh, _fuck_," She moaned under her breath as she unconsciously rocked her hips into me. "That's really distracting…" She added and rolled her eyes back as she pulled herself slightly up; relieving some of the contact that was _clearly_ beginning to cloud both of our minds.

_Yup, she can definitely feel that…_

"Santana," She mouthed my name inaudibly before closing her eyes and shaking her head in front of me.

"I've never felt this way before… not with anyone. You make everything that I've ever felt before, feel _wrong_, and frankly, it's terrifying." She spoke in an implicating tone before opening her eyes and searching my dazed expression. She appeared composed and relaxed now, ready to risk everything and completely expose herself before me.

I began to open my mouth in reply, but just as I did so she reached her right index finger up to my lips and mouthed _shhhh._ I had almost forgotten that she wanted me to just listen. She released her finger from my lips and wrapped both of her hands around the back of my neck; looking devotedly into my eyes as she did so. I swallowed hard once I realized this was going in the complete opposite direction I had originally thought it was.

_She's afraid she's going to scare me away…_

"I-I feel like I've been mourning the death of everything I've always thought I wanted, what I needed… and all that's left is _you_," She looked away from me and down at the bed as she raised her eyebrows with wide eyes. "I didn't know it was _possible_ to feel this way," Her words faltered at the end and she glanced into my eyes for reassurance before returning her gaze back to the bed.

"You planted a seed in my heart that night, two months ago… and it's blossomed, Santana. I didn't want to feel this way about you. I _hated_ it. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't shake it; and now, I've realized… that I don't want to fight it anymore." She spoke dejectedly with a shaky voice.

_Holy shit._

_Shit, shit, shit._

_I'm going to need a fucking ambulance._

I stayed silent. I was blissfully shocked and intoxicated by the weight of her words. _Could_ it be that she feels this just as much as I do? I felt my palms begin to quake from behind me. I was becoming weak and wouldn't be able to hold myself up much longer. Her words had sent a spark into my heart and it quickly ignited into an uncontrollable flame that began to catch fire across my entire body. I closed my eyes as my breath faltered low in my chest. Just breathe…

"In my nightmare, I'm with him, and I can't escape… and do you want to know what the _worst_ part of it is? All I can think about is _you_; you're all that I see, all that I feel… but it's not real. I become helpless, because no matter how hard I try and make you somehow appear, you don't… and I die inside. I know the context of the dream, but I think it's symbolic of my feelings for you. _That's _what makes it so frightening," I felt her body shaking on top of me after she finished and she let out an embittered sigh.

"I wish it had been you, all of it," She breathed regretfully. "Every… experience," She added as I felt her nails digging into the back of my neck.

_Oh my God._

I felt like my arms were going to give out from behind me at any moment now. I opened my eyes in order to take in the girl's expression as I continued to remain silent, unsure if it was alright to speak yet. Regardless, I was unable to conjure up any words; I didn't have the strength to speak. Any words I could think of were caught in my throat and couldn't escape. She was looking down at the small gap between our legs. She looked solemn, and I noticed a silent tear falling down her left cheek. She licked at her lips and shook her head nervously. It looked like she was internally scolding herself for revealing so much to me. Her expression read… _Quinn Fabray, I hate you_.

"Quinn," I sighed without even realizing her name had escaped me. She cautiously tilted her head up and gave me a curious look with a hesitant quirked brow. As if she was afraid I was about to walk out on her; afraid that I would leave her in my bed, vulnerable and alone. Making her worst fears become a reality. I peered fervently into her fearful eyes and saw just how broken she had really become. She was perfect, and she had her perfect little life all planned out, but I was her exception to the rule.

_This is all because of me._

_I'm the reason she's like this._

_I need to fix this._

_She needs to know that it's okay._

_I can't believe I'm about to do this..._

_But, this isn't just about me anymore._

"I… I," I stumbled over the complexity of those three simple words as I whispered them under my own struggling breath. "I love you."

I felt a frigid numbness creep up on me after I freed those chained words.

_How can such three simple words feel like they carry the weight of the world?_

There they were… released out into the void of darkness that surrounded us. With those words, I released my hopes to take away all of her pain, fears, and doubt. I felt a sense of relief swim through me and smiled at her like the fool in love that I am.

Quinn's eyes fluttered widely, a delicate and lazy half-smile began developing; a look of realization and pleasant shock swooping across her entire face. She looked as if she didn't believe me, as if she thought this was all just a dream.

"W-what…?" Quinn swallowed her question heavily and blinked as if I wasn't really here. She appeared on the verge of heaven with the possibilities my words had instilled in her mind. If she was an angel who had lost her wings, my words now had the power to send her flying, once again.

"I love you, Quinn," I restated, my voice trembling as I spoke. "I-I'm _hopelessly_, and _completely_ in love with you."

"I thought… but… I -I couldn't… believe," She managed her scattered words and leaned forward, softly pressing her forehead against mine as another stray tear tumbled down her cheek. She shuddered on top of me.

"_Please_, say it again." She hushed, her lips hovering over mine and imploring me; her watery eyes melting me and begging mirthfully for more.

"I love you," With each new admission the words seemed to flow out smoother and more fluently than before. It should _always_ be this easy.

She looked stunned for a moment before she inaudibly mouthed what sounded like _this can't be real_.

Not a moment later, her lips came crashing into mine in a wave of pure ecstasy and enchantment. I hummed a low whimper against her tender lips. They pleaded with mine, expressing her intentions, her emotions, and her unspoken love for me. Each sweet kiss, every slow and deliberate movement, set my skin on fire. It sent my heart a flutter, and a dull ache into the pit of my stomach. The now very tangible wet heat had returned between my legs with a vengeance; along with a new throbbing and a desperate need for contact. I needed to feel her _everywhere_, in the same way that I need oxygen to breathe.

I felt her hands begin to trail down from the back of my neck to the sides of my shirt as she began to loosely tug up at the material. Her lips pulled away from mine almost apologetically, and she admired me intensely as she reached an arm up under my shirt, effectively supporting my weight and pulling me into her.

Now relieved of having to support my own weight, I released my tired arms from the bed behind me. In perfect and unspoken synchronicity, I lifted my arms and tilted my head as she removed my shirt in one swift pull. She carelessly tossed the shirt onto the floor behind her, adding to the scattered clothing that had previously been discarded there from just hours before. I reached one of my arms up under her chemise; we were now balancing and pressing into one another at the edge of the bed. I pulled at the back of her dress before she released her arms, allowing me to remove it, leaving both of us both completely exposed before each other; the only exception being our underwear. Although, that wasn't an issue a few minutes ago, so I doubt it would be _now_. I didn't have the strength to break our current contact; I needed her, and I needed her now.

From the lecherous look in her eyes I could tell that she needed me too.

_How is this possible?_

_Two months._

_It's been two months since I've seen you, two months since I've slept with you… as a friend._

_And now, I'm going to make love to you… the way lovers do._

With one arm wrapped around my back, and the other wound tightly around my neck, she arched her back and rolled her hips desperately forward against me for the first time; it was beautiful, in that moment _she_ was the definition of beauty. I spread my legs out wider underneath her, allowing the contact to sink lower and deepen as she jutted forward into me for a second time. She ground down into me and sent a breathy moan of pleasure ripping through my lungs.

"Quinn," I tempestuously cried out her name as she developed a slow and steady pace; I began to meet her with my own rhythmically matching movements. I felt ethereally close to her, she entranced and enveloped me with each and every thrust, taking me on a psychedelic pleasure journey to a land far, _far_ away; her land. I was lost entirely in _everything_ Quinn, she surrounded me. I wanted this, I needed this. I was completely hers, mind, body, and soul.

"T-tell me again, s-say my name Santana," She whimpered feverishly through her fluid motion. Her eyes fluttering closed as she arched her back and continuously plunged her weight into my center. I could feel just how wet she was for me; our moist warmth rapidly becoming one through the material that separated us. "…t-tell me you love me."

"I love you, _Quinn Fabray_," I murmured through the thick haze coming over me, I was becoming lightheaded; seeing the blonde's world through kaleidoscope eyes. "Only _you_…" I drawled in a whisper before moaning her name in pleasure several times as the pressure began deliciously building up lower and lower.

"Then," She managed to cry out, looking into my soul with her weary but amorous hazel eyes; her body quivering lustfully on top of me as she ground down into me. "Make love to me, until the sun comes up…" She husked her voice this time, almost demanding me. A low and primal moan resonated deep in her throat before escaping from her needy lips. A cold white heat began coursing through my entire body, heightening my senses.

_Oh my God._

She said she never felt this way about anyone before me; which meant that she had never been made love to before, not really. God help me if I could deny her this… if I could deny _myself_ this.

I pulled myself closer to her as I continued to roll my hips up into her wetness._ Fuck_, did I want her. My trembling lips found the pulse point on her neck and I sucked it hard, gaining another beautiful and perfect moan from the blonde. That sound had to be the greatest thing I had ever heard. I trailed up the center of her neck and bit gently into her jaw before finding her sultry lips and claiming them as my own. I wanted to mark her as mine, _eternally…_

With my left arm wrapped around her back, I worked my hand up her spine, earning a shiver from the blonde before I found the base of her hairline, scraping my nails against her scalp as I seized a handful of silky blonde sex-hair. I freed my right hand from her back, scratching lightly against her skin and causing her to twitch under my touch before I palmed the outer curve of her right breast; circling her nipple with the pad of my thumb. _So_ sexy…

The sounds escaping from her mouth were muffled against my own. I parted her lips with my tongue before entering her mouth with the pink muscle, expertly working hers with my own as she hummed my name into my own mouth. I committed the taste of her lips and her entire mouth to my memory. Each individual flick of her tongue and thrust from her hips sang _I love you_ in accord with the other.

I could feel her getting closer as the friction began to increase. We moved in perfect harmony, Quinn rocking her hips into me just as I pressed mine hard up into her, never breaking contact. I could feel her begin to pant and lose herself against me; her heart racing through her breast and pulsating into my hand. She was getting close, and so was I. I could feel the tight knot sinking lower into my stomach, getting inevitably closer to the edge.

I removed my hand from her breast and began ghosting my touch affectionately over the purple and yellow bruise at her side. I took special care of it delicately within my grasp, which caused the blonde to whimper softly into my mouth. I trailed my nails down her abs before I found the hem of her underwear; running the tips of my fingers across it teasingly before flattening my palm against her, and finally dipping my fingers down underneath it, into hot, damp, and swollen folds.

I could feel my fingers press against my own center as I circled her clit in sync with our now erratic motion. I flexed and ran my index finger against the length of her center before sinking it back down, and thrusting it up into her fluttering walls. I curled and massaged her before sliding a second finger into the dampened pool. Quinn writhed on top of me and screamed into my mouth; I left her lips open and deprived as I trailed my mouth along her jawline, before sucking against her neck; teasing her and circling with my tongue as I marked her. I wanted to ruin her for anyone else.

My fingers rhythmically impaled her as her hips rapidly jutted forward, deepening my thrusts. I slammed harder and deeper inside her as I felt her walls begin to tighten and flex around my fingers; pulling me even further inside her as I picked up the pace. With that, I found the perfect spot that caused her to writhe uncontrollably on top of me. She came hard, her orgasm rippling through her every muscle. Waves of ecstasy and unrestrained passion came soaring through me as Quinn rode haphazardly on my fingers.

"S-santana... oh, _FUCK_!" She screamed recklessly as she pulled herself flush against me, breasts up against mine, and our every curve molding together perfectly; digging her nails hard against my back. "I-I lov-o-oh, _GOD_…"

I cried out a slew of expletives and returned my lips to hers in desperate need as my own orgasm came crashing through me; sent over the edge from the sound of the blonde's impassioned words. She was breaking me; devastatingly shattering my sanity. She rode out her orgasm as I came hard against her. My hand flexing against both of us, fingers still inside Quinn's now quivering walls as I rubbed the heel of my hand furiously against her clit and ground up into her. My head tingled feverishly and my eyes continuously fluttered between open and closed as I fought to see her through the white noise. It was truly an out of body experience. Her hot breath and attentive lips slowly brought me down from heaven and back to earth. She was my angel of the morning.

"I love you," I breathed against her mouth as we trembled up against each other, gasping for air, and crashing down from the high. Quinn's lips curled up in an unadulterated smile as we attempted to hold each other in place.

I pulled my hand up from her slick folds, garnering an aftershock from the blonde before I trailed my glistening fingers up her torso and massaged her right breast. I lowered myself back onto the bed, sliding back in the process as I pulled her down on top of me. She laid there, her smitten heart thudding heavily against my chest. We laid together in a blissful silence, heart to heart. No words could express what either of us had just experienced. Quinn had never been made love to before, and for me; it felt brand new, like my first time all over again. I wouldn't ever compare her to the girl whose name I wouldn't even dare think of right now. It wouldn't be fair, and Quinn is something entirely different that I still can't quite understand.

This was Quinn, and she had just given herself to me, _completely_. She's mine; Quinn Fabray wants to be mine…

_What did I do to deserve you?_

I pulled the warm blanket up over us and closed my eyes as I thought to myself how lucky I _truly_ am.

"Santana," Quinn mumbled her breath into my right ear as she felt me drifting away. "The sun hasn't dawned on us, _yet_…"

_Oh fuck._

…and just as those beautiful words left her hungry and angelic lips, I flipped her over onto the center of the bed.

We started back up all over again, neglecting the continuity of sleep entirely. Flying off to the heavens and crashing back down several times before that golden light ever broke the horizon.

* * *

Our completely naked sex-drenched bodies were intertwined underneath the sheets; losing all comprehension of who was who, and what was what. The sun-kissed light had just begun gracing the apartment with its presence. I watched the light as it crawled its way up the walls towards the ceiling. Quinn lay awake in my arms, her head pressed firmly into my neck similar to the way it had been the night before; her hot breath was steady against my tan skin. She was all I could taste, all I could smell, all I could see, all I could hear, and all I could feel; she had enraptured all of my senses. At some point during the morning I had lost myself to her completely, and I didn't want to be found _anytime_ soon. This love feels so infinitely pure, a passion that now burns in my heart immortally, even though eventually my body will perish. It feels like it could burn as long as the oldest known star in the universe, and even after its death, it would leave behind its stellar remains.

_Damn you Quinn._

_What the fuck did you do to me?_

_You've turned me, Santana 'Snix' Lopez, into an overly sentimental mushy poet._

_This is so not fair…_

* * *

"How do you think Rachel would react if she walked in on us right now?" It was just a thought, but it came out nonetheless. I felt Quinn giggle up against me, she didn't reply, her whole body just convulsed with hysterics at the thought.

"_What_? I think we might give her a heart attack or something…" I drawled and rolled my eyes at Quinn before I began chuckling right along with her.

"Sounds about right," She quipped before nudging my neck and sucking on my skin, proceeding to nibble into the same location after she finished. She simultaneously ran her thigh up between my legs and pressed it firmly up against my center.

"_Fuck_ me," I moaned at the contact as she continued her ministrations on my neck.

"_Mmmm …so needy,"_ She hummed into my skin. "I'd love to, but I'm too sore and weak to do _that _anymore," She teased before she peeled herself away from me and sat up on the bed, revealing the entirety of her glistening porcelain skin, and entangled messy hair.

_Fuck._

_That is such a good look on you..._

"I suppose we she should take a shower before Rachel _really_ does find us like this," She grumbled as she took note of my appearance and checked herself to find a similar presentation.

"I like it," I mumbled lowly under my breath as I eyed her breasts; returning my gaze to her eyes as I smirked at her. "…and what do you mean, _we_? Are you suggesting-" She leaned forward over my body, placing an arm on each side of me before leaning down and placing a chaste kiss that expressed her newfound devotion to me. She retracted her lips and licked at them seductively before she sat back up, her hazel eyes trailing over my sheet-cloaked silhouette.

"Maybe tomorrow morning," She shrugged abashedly as she ran her hand through her chaotic blonde hair. "I'm not sure I can trust myself not to fuck you in there, so it just doesn't seem like the greatest idea right now," She stated casually. "Counter-productive, don't you think?"

_Holy shit Quinn._

She smiled at me playfully before pouting and setting foot off of her side of the bed. I pulled myself back against the bedpost, letting the sheet fall to my waist as I sat up with my arms at my sides.

"I'll shower first?" She shuffled through her luggage as she pulled out several articles of clothing. She turned her head to see my response and her eyes widened at what she saw. She licked her lips and blushed shyly as she pulled my shirt up off the floor and threw it at me. "You should cover those up if I'm going to _actually_ make it to the shower before Rachel wakes up."

"Oh, _really_," I gave her a cocky smirk and wiggled my brows before sticking my tongue out at her and pulling the shirt up over my head.

"Thanks," She mumbled in relief as she found her chemise and put it on.

I watched her as she gathered her things, including one of her over the shoulder bags. I was captivated by just watching her _be; _her smile, her hair, the way she unintentionally moved her body with attitude, similar to the way she once strutted the halls of McKinley by my side. Everything about her caused my heart to beat wildly inside my chest.

I _never_ saw this coming. Fate has a funny way of deciding your future for you. Not that I'm complaining…

She walked towards the curtain and pulled it back before stopping in her tracks and turning to shoot me a full grin and love-stuck eyes, a state of blissful euphoria in her expression. She still didn't believe this was really happening.

"Say it again,"

"I love you," It fell from my lips without effort or restraint; I mouthed it several times as I drew hearts in the air with my fingers continuously as the blonde disappeared from behind the curtain.

_I'm never letting you go…_

_That would just be fucking stupid._

_I'd also probably die if I were ever foolish enough to lose you._

* * *

**A/N: **Wow! Thank you for all of the love and support from the last chapter. You guys are truly unbelievable. Such wonderful reviews and PM's. Please keep it up! I really appreciate it. :X Hope you enjoyed this chapter!


	10. Fix you

**A/N: **It's been a few weeks since my last update, yikes! I apologize for having been super busy and my love life has been a mess. I really, really missed you guys! I had this chapter started for a while now but just didn't have the time to finish it. I will try my best to get the next chapter out within the week to make up for the wait! After looking over my outline, I've realized this story is going to be much longer than I had originally planned. We have a long way to go, but who's complaining about that? ;)

As far as reviews and PM's go for the last chapter, all I have to say is WOW! Thank you so much! :'D

I also made a Tumblr! You can find a way to get there through my profile if you'd like to check it out! ;)

* * *

"Quinn?" I knocked softly against the outside of the bathroom door. I could hear the water from the sink running and the distinct hum of the ventilation fan, but clearly she had finished her shower as I heard things clinking against the porcelain vanity.

It had been almost an hour since she left my bedroom and I figured I needed to get in there and get started before we had company. Rachel was still sleeping, but now it was only a matter of time before she came out to join us. I assumed Kurt never came home last night as the television was still on, a now blank screen opposed to the movie that was still going last night. That also meant that he could potentially walk in through the front door at any moment, and I didn't feel like doing the walk of secret shame to my own bathroom; although, there's absolutely nothing to be ashamed of about any of this. I actually feel like celebrating, but I'm not too sure the others would approve of me taking Quinn against every surface of the apartment. I suppose I'll just have to think of something else…

"Q, you almost done in there?" I spoke just loud enough so that I could be sure she heard me.

I heard light footsteps in front of the door before the knob shifted ever so slightly in front of me.

"Door's open," her voice dissipated as it became drowned out by the noise from inside the room.

I turned the knob and slowly glided the door open before closing it behind me and setting my things aside. When I looked up, I saw her smiling at me shyly through the reflection in the fogged mirror as she applied concealer to what remained of her now fading bruises. A very particular large bruise on her side standing out from the rest that she wasn't bothering to cover up. It didn't take much effort for me to notice her off-white bra and panties.

_Seriously, you're not even dressed yet?_

_I swear you're trying to kill me._

_How do you always manage to look so stunning?_

"This shouldn't take too long. You can get started if you'd like, I promise to behave myself," I saw her wink at me through the mirror after she spoke. I just watched her attentively as she continued to apply the make-up.

Somehow, staring doesn't seem like enough. I wonder if she has _any_ idea how distracting she is.

"Don't look at me like that," She mumbled under her breath as if she was suddenly embarrassed, and I could see her blushing though the reflection. "I hate you seeing me like this."

_Like what?_

_A fuckable sex goddess?_

"Q, I just spent the entire morning making love to you. I'm pretty sure I can see you like _this_."

_You can't be serious._

"That was in the dark. I look disgusting," Her hands fumbled nervously and she dropped her concealer into the sink after she spoke. She looked up at herself in the mirror as if she didn't like what she saw, she looked insecure.

I furrowed my brows at her from behind. Okay, that has to be the most ridiculous thing I've heard in a _very_ long time, and I live with Rachel and Kurt. Is she blind; is she deaf? Hello, Quinn Helen Keller Fabray? I may be biased, but I think she's the most beautiful creature that I have ever laid my eyes on. I always thought she was so confident in her appearance…

I started walking towards her, light on my feet, as I watched her internally criticizing herself distractedly. She didn't even notice me come up behind her as she peered into her own doe eyed reflection.

"I mean," She looked down at her abs and ran the back of her hand along her lower back, rubbing her forefinger over a thin indented line that ran alongside her spine. "There's the scar from my accident," She stated before trailing her hand over to her lower stomach. "Then, there are the child-birth stretch marks that never completely went away," She berated and let out an audible puff of air. "And now, I'm covered in bruises, because I couldn't hold my liquor."

_Alright, first of all, that is so not your fucking fault._

_Actually none of it is, not really._

_The one thing those marks all have in common is that they were all caused by someone who took advantage of you while you were in a vulnerable state._

_Sure, you shouldn't have been texting while driving, but that dick blew a stop sign. You shouldn't have cheated on Finn, but Puck got you drunk and took advantage of you; you didn't have to carry his baby, but you did the right thing. You shouldn't have had that much to drink last Saturday, but that's no excuse for any man to ever lay his hands on you._

_Those are your battle scars, hell, you're practically Wonder Woman. _

_Second …I had no idea that stuff bothered you so much._

_Thank you again for letting me in past those towering castle walls._

"Santana!" She gasped in surprise as I brushed my body up against hers from behind, before slowly and gently bending her forward over the sink. "Wh-what are you doing?" She asked with a shaky voice as she latched onto the sides of the porcelain.

I didn't answer her; I wouldn't do that, not _yet_ anyways.

I scratched my nails lightly against her upper back and over her bra before I glided my right palm along her side, over her bruise, until it was resting firmly at her hip. I leaned forward over her back and moved her silky blonde hair to the side with my left hand before I kissed the nape of her neck, just below the hair-line; my raven locks falling around my face and sweeping against her skin in the process. _Fuck_ did she smell good.

"So not fair," Quinn sighed in defeat and swallowed hard. Her body language said that she was relishing in this, and signaled for me to continue. I could feel her throat contract as I slid my hand around to the front of her neck, and I could feel her pulse quickening.

"Close your eyes," I whispered against the outer curve of her right ear.

I leisurely slid my hand down from her neck, over her bra, and in between her breasts before intimately gliding down to her abs, and finally stopping at her lower stomach; my hand resting just above the lace trim of her panties. Her skin felt so deliciously soft and hot, nearly searing my hand at its touch. I felt her muscles contracting underneath my hand.

"I'm overriding these."

"Oh, my… God." Quinn rasped under her breath, her voice hitched in her throat as the words escaped and a quiet sigh took over.

I had begun moving south from her neck with my lips, trailing with the tip of my tongue and occasionally flicking her, until I reached her lower back. I found that uneven dip in her skin next to her spine with my tongue and licked the entire length of it. I began affectionately kissing it as if I were kissing Quinn's lips, taking my time and delicately adorning every detail of her gorgeous scar.

"This one is mine," I hummed against her skin loud enough for her to hear me.

My lips retreated until they were now centered over the cloud shaped bruise just below her ribs.

"This one is mine," I blew over it before ghosting it with my parted lips; my lips close enough for her to feel their presence and my breath, without ever actually touching her. I felt her back arch and tense up as I continued, deliberately taking my time. I licked my lips and lightly grazed the entirety of the mark, circling around several times as I felt my heart begin to thump heavily in my chest. I heard my name escape from her just barely audibly as I continued.

_Fuck, I'm so hopelessly in love with you._

I tapped my fingers over the barely there marks on her stomach as if I were playing the sensitive keys of a piano. They were tiny and few, but they bothered her, and I wanted to make them mine. I loved her, and I loved her flaws; I wanted her to know that, to _feel_ that. I was a total fucking bitch and used to make fun of her for these scars _relentlessly_. I didn't want her to remember _that_ Santana; the Santana that disconnected herself from the girl and did anything within her power to bring her down. I know it's in the past, but I want her to remember this. Sometimes I forget how painful her past actually was for her and _any_ way I had a part in that, even simply by not being there for her when I should have been. From now on, I want her to always know how much I love her for everything that she is; past, present, and future.

"These are mine," I pulled myself back up and sucked on her shoulder passionately, intentionally leaving a large mark while I circled my fingers over there current location, purposefully running my fingertips through the vague discolored lines. I knew my words wouldn't qualm her insecurities, so I spoke with my body. With every breath, kiss, and touch, I told her how perfect she is. How perfect her flaws are, and how they aren't flaws at all; they only accentuate her beauty.

"You will always be flawless to me, Quinn. No scar, no matter how deep or internally damaging, can ever dictate my love for you," I breathed softly against her delicious skin. "I want you. All of you. Every imperfection, and even the darkest parts of you that you keep hidden from the rest of the world, belong to me; and in return, I give you everything that I am... _I_ belong to _you_, Q."

"Please look at me," Her voice trembled just above a whisper as she attempted to push herself back into me; tilting her head towards me as she did so.

She was incessantly blinking; as if she were fighting back tears hidden behind those hazy rapturous eyes. She grinned at me and inaudibly giggled before licking her lips and giving me a silent and serious look, a _romantic_ look. A long look that people write novels about but can never seem to find the words to accurately describe how smitten and intense it _actually_ is. She spoke to me through her silent gaze, cherishing me with every fleeting moment. Her words saying _she loved me_, saying _she loved me as much as I loved her_; the sound of silence and its indulgent confessions. Her eyes conveyed all the love and adoration my heart yearned for.

My heart began racing up against her body and I felt weak; falling victim to her beauty; her internal beauty that was violently ripping at my heartstrings the longer I looked into her soul, and it looked back. All I could hear was the sound of my heart pounding furiously in my chest and the hot water running in the sink, which was creating a steam in the air around us and was beginning to fog up the mirror despite the fan.

_As if it weren't possible for me to love you any more than I already do._

"Eres _hermosa_ mi amor," I pulled myself evenly behind her back again after I spoke. "The most beautiful thing I have ever seen." I murmured against her shoulder blade before placing numerous soft and delicate kisses along the protruding bone. I felt her body begin lifting and dropping considerably as her breath became exceedingly heavy.

"Need you," She whimpered almost painfully before she abruptly dropped her hand off the porcelain, making a loud slapping sound as she grasped my hand that was still resting just above her underwear. "So badly that it hurts."

_Holy shit._

"Fuck, _Quinn_-" I moaned fervidly as she literally forced my hand down underneath the material; guided by her own. She slid my fingers through her already soaked folds and began rubbing furiously against her clit, manipulating my fingers to please herself in her own needy motions.

_So, so hot._

I began instinctively applying my own pressure from the erotic rush it gave me from just touching her hot wetness. She spread her legs further apart in front of me as I leaned over her; as if she was begging for more. She moaned _very_ loudly; inadvertently making me just as wet as she was. I gently sucked and nibbled on the skin in between her shoulder blades and glided my right hand down from her hip and around to her inner thigh. I grazed the hem of her underwear before I slid two fingers underneath the material and teased at her entrance. Circling and dipping my fingers in to the first joint before pulling out and circling again several times.

Quinn groaned carnally, sounding almost needy before she suddenly dropped herself down onto my hand, forcefully. Her dripping walls enraptured the entirety of my teasing fingers and she began fucking herself on them before I even had the chance to start thrusting in and out.

_Oh. My. God._

_That is so fucking hot._

"Ay dios mio!" I groaned roughly into the hot creamy skin on the top of her left shoulder before biting down on the vanilla and lavender scented skin. I could literally feel the lack of restraint from her consuming and pulsating arousal; no wonder she needed me so badly. In that moment I wanted to turn her around and lift her up onto the counter so that I could taste her; ravish her. ...I suppose I want to do a little more than just _taste_ her with my tongue, but _fuck_ she's so gone right now; I wouldn't dare break this contact. She said she needed me, and she meant it.

_Maybe later..._

"_Mmmm_, SO _fucking_ good!" Quinn screamed out as she slammed herself down even harder onto my fingers, speeding up her rhythm and deepening the thrusts. I felt her thighs begin to quiver around my wrist and I began meeting her with my own force as I continuously rubbed at her clit with my other hand; her hand now stilled over mine, as if she was craving the simple touch as I massaged her closer to her orgasm. She focused all of her energy into fucking herself against me and I lost complete track of time.

"Oh… _fuck_! Harder Santana!"

"_Fuck_ me harder!" She panted feverishly under her aching breath before I fulfilled her command.

"_So_ c-close, gonna co-_Mmmm_-" She moaned softly. "I've n-never needed anyone the way I need y-you."

"Jesus Quinn, you're so _tight_… so _wet_. So _beautiful_," I husked my voice seductively and whispered into her ear, feeling ridiculously turned on at this point; I wanted her to come around my fingers and lose all control for me, for her to let go and make the ultimate surrender. I could feel her walls begin to flutter around my fingers and she began twitching over the sink underneath by embrace, her legs shaking as she slammed down harder than ever, my fingers matching her agile movements and contorting in a repetitive motion.

_What the fuck was that?_

I heard what sounded like someone wandering around the apartment. Shit, did I even lock the door?!

_Please tell me Rachel is not up now._

_I swear that girl has the best timing…_

"Don't you dare fucking stop," Quinn cried out in a scratchy and desperate voice, begging me to finish her.

She must have heard the same thing I did. This is Quinn, I couldn't _not_ finish her; I love her too much to give a shit that someone could possibly walk in on us right now. Making love to her triumphs all logic and everything outside the blissful moment. Plus, hearing her swear like that is blowing - my - mind; _so_ damn sexy.

"I'll never stop loving you," I expressed sincerely as I leaned my head across her shoulder to her jaw before she turned to meet me in a smoldering and lustful kiss; it created a tight knot in the bottom of my stomach and caused my heart to ache with my overflowing love for her. With that, I felt her lose all control underneath my hands as her orgasm hit her unmercifully. She loosely sucked on my bottom lip and released a heavy elongated moan as her entire body trembled against mine; her walls clenching my fingers deep inside her. She rode out the high and I attempted to stroke through her orgasm as I felt the tension in her body begin to release. She practically fell back into me with her weight as I continued to massage her gently with both of my hands.

"P-promise?" She breathed languidly against my panting open mouth as she removed her left hand from the sink and cupped my jaw. She looked at me with those gorgeous, now darkened hazel eyes, hanging on my every word, my every touch, and my every adoring kiss.

"With all of my heart and soul mi amor."

Just then, there was a consistent knock on the bathroom door. Quinn sighed in frustration and gave me a quick kiss before she turned out from in front of me; pulling me off of her and _out_ from her before she did so.

She immediately found her dress and continued getting ready in a speedy fashion, as if she was going to be late for something.

"Hello?" I heard Rachel's voice faintly from behind the bathroom door. Quinn placed her index finger over her pursed lips and motioned for me to remain silent after she finished putting on her dress and began walking towards the door.

_I hate you Rachel._

"Be out in a minute Rach," She leaned her back against the door with her arms and spoke to the brunette before smiling and giggling at me, looking so unbelievably happy despite the absurdity of the situation.

"Hey you; zip up the back of my dress?" She whispered sweetly and looked at me hopefully. I nodded and winked at her before I did just that and began playing with the back of her hair after I finished securing the zipper. I didn't want to let her leave the room, even though I knew she had to. If she didn't, Rachel might begin to suspect something; if she didn't _already_. She's a bit of an air head, but the girl isn't stupid. I just hope she hasn't heard the uninhibited symphony of sex sounds that we've performed almost nonstop throughout the morning… That would be just fucking _great_.

"Santana," Quinn drawled out my name in a questioning tone as I continued to run my fingers through her golden locks.

"Hmmm?"

_This is seriously the best fucking hair ever._

"Um, will you do me a favor?" She spoke hesitantly and tilted her head down to her feet before she turned on her heel from me and reached a hand for the door-knob, missing the knob entirely on her first attempt as she looked at me apprehensively.

"Anything…" I responded breathlessly, the word falling from my swollen and aroused lips without a second thought.

"Will you," She bit down on the corner of her bottom lip anxiously and looked at me shyly through her lashes. She sounded unsure of herself. "_Uhh_…"

"Be my …my, _girlfriend_?" She let out a deep exhale after she spoke, quirked a brow, and smirked nervously. She looked as though she was shocked those words actually escaped her own lips. The combination of uncertainty and confidence in her daring question made her all the more beautiful.

_But fuck…_

_I was so not expecting, that._

_Did she seriously just ask me that?_

_Not that I care that we haven't even been on as much as an official date yet._

_If anyone found out about this they would probably think we're fucking crazy._

_I will happily recklessly abandon my sanity for you._

_My answer is yes, yes, a thousand times yes._

"I love you Quinn; _hell_ _yes_ I'll be your girlfriend."

There fell out those three words again; those were words that had only ever been reserved for one person before her, my _first_ girlfriend. I never imagined I'd ever use them on anyone else, or that I would ever want to. It never crossed my mind and it didn't seem fathomable. While Quinn has been mourning the death of something she always thought she wanted and needed for her life, so have I. I thought that I would be spending the rest of my life with another blonde. I know that a part of me will always love her; she'll always be my first love, that's something no one will ever be able to take away from us. I just feel like my love for her isn't the same type it once was anymore. It's been several months since we broke up and I'd like to think I'm not bitter. I once thought she was my everything, but maybe she really was never meant to be the love of my life. It seems juvenile and foolish to think I could find that person at such a young age. Now, I feel like that person could be Quinn. Hell, I feel like it _is _Quinn. That's frightening, because it wasn't that long ago that I thought it was Brittany, and that didn't exactly work out the way I had dreamt it always would. And now, I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone _but_ Quinn.

Quinn once told me that she just wanted someone to love her …well, here I am. I never thought for a second that it would be me, and I doubt that she did either. But I want this; I want this more than I've ever wanted anything else in my life. I want this to work, for _us_ to work. It might be reckless, and we haven't even talked about _us_ yet, but I don't care. I fucking _mean_ those words when I say them to her, and right now that's _all_ that matters.

_And so she jumped off the edge of the moon, once again, and began tumbling down towards the earth; towards Quinn._

I watched her stand in thought for a long moment before she nodded and grinned through her blushing cheeks; twisting the knob and pulling the door open. The way she looks right now reminds me of when she first told the Glee club that she got into Yale. She looks like her heart is just about to burst at the idea of a beautiful and bright future with new possibilities. I still remember how happy she seemed _that_ day. I even remember the white dress she was wearing with a black jacket, and she had a black headband on. Now that I'm thinking about it, I noticed her a _lot_ more than I realized I did back then; that probably should have been some kind of sign or something…

"So much for not doing it in the bathroom," She mumbled lowly and eyed me playfully. She winked from behind the edge of the door before she disappeared and pulled it shut behind her.

_Now, it's time for me to go take a very cold shower._

* * *

"Just trust me, you're going to _want_ to buy a new dress," I heard Kurt speaking as I walked out from the bathroom.

"Santana," He turned around from Rachel and Quinn who were having breakfast at the table. "I need to speak with you in private for a moment."

_What the hell about?_

He walked towards me and hooked his arm around mine before I could even protest, dragging me off to his bedroom. I whipped my head over my shoulder and looked at Quinn with a questioning expression; she looked bemused and just shrugged at me before taking a sip from her blue mug. Apparently this is some kind of rogue ambush…

After we entered his room he sat down on his bed and pulled out his ipad as I looked down at him with my best _what the fuck_ face.

"Alright, everything is all taken care of for tonight," He sounded thrilled.

_Oops, almost forgot about that..._

_In my defense, one Quinn Fabray is very, very distracting._

"What's the plan, Lady Lips?" I crossed my arms as I stood poised in front of him, waiting for a response.

"Guess who managed to get some super inexpensive tickets to _Rock of Ages_ tonight," Kurt looked up at me from his ipad with a quirky smile. "I know, I know, I'm amazing. No need to thank me. So the four of us are going to see _that_ and then go out to dinner, and _then…"_

"Go to your favorite gay bar in Greenwich Village and watch you sing _It's Raining Men_ to your adoring fans?" I jested before chuckling at him.

"No, but you're close. We're going to _Callback's_ after dinner and Finn is going to surprise Rachel by performing a song on stage," He responded as he continued tapping away on his screen; what looked like him typing out an email.

"Of course he is," I rolled my eyes at what seemed like a trivial choice for Finn. "That show is fucking awesome by the way… So, what exactly do you need me to do with the Midget?"

"Nothing, she's going shopping with Quinn this afternoon and we'll leave after they return," He smiled and shrugged at me as he set down his ipad before getting up from the bed and standing in front of me.

_Bitch be stealing my girl…_

"So, _why_ the hell did you drag me in here if I'm my awesomeness skills clearly aren't required for anything?" I gritted my teeth and tapped my foot impatiently.

"I wanted to ask you how everything went with you and Quinn last night," He crossed his arms similar to mine and gave me his overly confident and concerned smirk. "I heard the two of you… slept together?"

_You could say that._

I nodded and looked down at the floor in front of me, trying to disguise the uncontrollable grin and blush I'm sure Kurt would be able to read. He _had_ brought up the subject of Quinn more than once during the week, and I tried my best to camouflage my reaction through his persistent nagging of the subject. However, I'm finding it excessively difficult to hide my feelings now that she's in the apartment, _and_ considering everything that's happened between us in what hasn't even been twenty-four hours yet.

"Is everything okay between the two of you? I mean, you know, considering what happened and what you did to her joke of an ex-boyfriend," He pried even further and gave me a look that said he wasn't stopping until he got an answer, preferably the truth.

"Everything is great, Kurt. I appreciate your concern, but we're fine, really," I spoke calmly and evenly and tried to dodge the subject as best I could. But his arrogant expression gave me the feeling that he wasn't having any of it.

"Yes, I am _very_ aware of that," He deadpanned and looked at me with a stony and bullheaded glare.

_Say what now?_

"Look, I'm going to be blunt here, because frankly, you seem like you need a serious intervention," He shifted his weight onto his left hip and gave me a knowing smirk before continuing. "I've had feelings for one of my heterosexual friends before, and it's not going to happen… so don't be disappointed if your feelings aren't reciprocated."

_Whoa…_

_Is he going where I think he's going with this?_

"What the hell are you even talking about?" I rolled my eyes and chuckled with hostility before shaking my head in attempt to play this cool; _as if_ I have no idea what he's getting at.

_Clearly I do._

"Oh please, Santana. Give me some credit for crying out loud, if there's one thing that you and I have in common, it's our _fabulous_ gaydar… and you have _definitely _been crushing on our latest house guest, A.K.A., Miss Fabray," He raised his brows at me in accusation as his glare intensified. "And as uncomfortable as that outlandish theory makes me, you have already been trampled underneath the heels of one cheerio; I'd hate to see you get hurt again. Going down that linear road is just _asking_ for trouble."

"Kurt, I-"

"-Why don't you just ask that Jess girl out? I think the two of you would make an adorable couple... I just hope you haven't invested too much into any ideas of you and Quinn; there's _no way_ that's happening._ You_ of all people should know that you need to stick to doors that swing in _your_ direction." Kurt exhaled heavily after he finished his best attempt at being a good friend. He was now giving me a questioning look.

It was all I could do to control the amusing snickering that turned into flat out laughter. The entire situation was just so ridiculous. I wasn't even sure if telling him the truth would be the greatest idea; he might go into shock over the news. Surely I understand where he's coming from, because I haven't exactly been subtle about my negative emotions regarding Quinn lately. Kurt is very perceptive and if anyone could read my romantic inclinations, it would certainly be him. However, he hasn't a clue as to our hooking up on Valentine's Day and everything that has transpired between us since she arrived in New York last night. Truthfully, I'd love to share how happy I am right now, but that news might be a bit overwhelming. Hell, I'm still in shock _myself_. We haven't even really talked about anything, yet we can't keep our hands off each other. It's fucking bat-shit crazy, but it's also the _best _thing I've ever done.

"Thank you Dr. Phil, but I can handle it. So minds ye own bizness," I flicked his shoulder with my right hand playfully before snapping my fingers in front of his face with wide eyes. I proceeded to walk past him and out of his room as he continued to stand there with his arms crossed and a lost expression.

* * *

"Santana, come sit with us!" Rachel turned in her seat, beckoning for me to join her and Quinn at the table.

Quinn looked up with anticipation when she heard my name and instantaneously leered at my entire body, absent-mindedly and completely disregarding the fact that Rachel was sitting directly across from her. Maybe she just doesn't care? We really do need to set some ground rules and figure out how we're going to handle being together in front of other people. _Now_ I have to look down at the floor because those gorgeous hazel eyes are making me lose my fucking mind right now. How is that all she has to do is _look_ at me like that and I become complete and instant Jell-O? Santana Lopez does _not_ fucking lose it that easily. Bitch is my kryptonite…

"Morning Rach," I smiled at the brunette as I sat next to her so that both girls were sitting adjacent to me; trying to avoid making eye contact with the magnetic blonde to my left.

"How was your night? Did you sleep well?" She smiled gleefully as she waited for a reply; seeming like her usual energetic self. I noticed Quinn wink at me over her coffee as Rachel's head was turned towards me.

Let's see… Quinn and I kissed, cuddled, slept together, and then fucked the entire morning all while making declarations of love. Oh, and by the way, as of about an hour ago, we're dating. How was your night?

_Sure, that would be the perfect thing to say._

_That wouldn't make her uncomfortable at all…_

I swallowed hard at the lustful thoughts and heated feeling I was getting from sitting so close to the very source of my weakness. I could practically feel her fucking me with her eyes through my peripheral vision. "G-good... Never better. Quinn makes an amazing substitute for those ridiculous pillows Kurt made us."

After I finished my statement I felt Quinn begin rubbing the top of her foot over the sensitive skin of my calf underneath the table. I flinched in my seat at the unexpected touch and turned to look at her in surprise, but she was just looking across to Rachel and smiling innocently while she waited for the girl to respond.

_Oh, you are so getting it later._

"I'm kind of jealous now… I sort of miss having someone next to me some nights. Sometimes I wish I had Brody back, not because I miss him, but I guess I miss having _someone_. I miss Finn, but I haven't heard from him in quite some time. I wonder if he's moved on with his life. I suppose it would only be proper for me to do the same," She sounded somewhat depressed after what started out as a joke turned into a serious thought. She was now doing that thing where she smiles through her pain, and you could see the hurt in her glinting eyes even though she was trying to cover it up.

_Poor girl._

Everyone always thought Rachel was such a selfish girl, but after getting to know her, I could tell you that she is one of the most selfless people that I know. She can be little miss bossy-pants as Mercedes used to call her, but she only ever looks out for everyone else. I hate seeing her like this. Sure she's been her usual Happy from the Seven Dwarfs self, but I've caught her sulking around the house and in some dark moments. She's independent, strong, and she's been doing amazing things for herself lately, but I can tell that she wishes she had someone to share all of those things with. I'm also positive that she never told Finn about the pregnancy scare.

"Rach, I of all people can tell you that you do _not_ need a man in your life to make you happy," Quinn chimed in and spoke sincerely as she continued massaging the back of my leg nonchalantly.

…_She forgot to mention that instead what you need is a spicy latin lover. _

"Okay, I'm going to pretend that I didn't just hear you mention Plastic Man's name. Those pillows have to be _way_ better than that Magic Mike Ken doll. And give Finn a break; he's had a lot going on. Maybe he just needed some time to figure things out on his own. He still might come around if you'd give him half a chance," I responded casually as Rachel's glance shifted between me and Quinn; seemingly being outnumbered here.

"I cannot believe what I just heard," Rachel began giggling at me before she pointed to me and pulled her hand back. "Santana Lopez, is defending _Finn_ in my honor."

_Believe me it's still new to me too._

"Stranger things have happened…" Quinn mumbled under breath next to me and I turned to see those hazel eyes focused on me, she was clearly thinking out loud as my confused look broke her daze and she looked back at Rachel and smirked as if she didn't just get caught like that. So fucking adorable. She finally pulled her leg back from mine under the table, and I'm already missing her touch…

"I'm just tellin' it like it is," I shrugged and crossed my legs before reaching my hand out to Rachel's shoulder. "But if I were you, I would follow Kurt's advice and buy that new dress today." I winked at her after I finished speaking.

"Oh that's right!" She slid back her seat and stood up diligently, a sudden sense of urgency about her. "If you'll excuse me I need to go shower and do my rejuvenation ritual. We need to leave within the hour if we're going to have time to go shopping before the show!" She spoke addressing Quinn and turned to look at me as she began striding off towards her room.

"I hope you don't mind if I steal Quinn away for a few hours, I'd really like to get some time alone with her before she leaves us tomorrow," Rachel speaks to me with a frown, although I'm sure she'd get her way regardless and I nod to her in reply and wave my hand for her to go get ready. Quinn_ is_ her best friend after all. Of course I don't mind. Although, mother of _fuck_…

_How did it just until now slip my mind that Quinn is leaving tomorrow!?_

_This is just what I need, another long distance relationship. _

I mean it crossed my mind, but the reality of how that could affect us_ just_ crossed my mind. This is too soon; she can't leave this soon, not when we're just getting started. _Shit_, is she going home for the summer!? That's even further away than New Haven…

"Quinn, we need to talk," I whip my head back over to her and the words fly off the tip of my tongue. I feel as though my chest has been compressed and there is suddenly a lack of oxygen in the room.

Quinn turns her head and gives the entire apartment a once over before she leans across the table and cups my cheeks, placing a bombshell kiss to my lips. She tastes like perfection as usual. She pulls away and looks me in the eyes for a moment as she licks her lips and sits back down fully in her seat. She definitely noticed the sudden shift in my mood and the distress in my expression. I'd be lying if I didn't say that helped a little...

"I know," She speaks softly as she nods and takes hold of my hand underneath the table. And she does, she looks like she knows _exactly_ what I'm thinking right now, somehow. "But can we just hold off until tonight? I have a surprise for you. There's something I have to tell you and I want it to be somewhat special when I do."

"Q, you're leaving tomorrow, we need to talk about this now-"

"-It can wait, this is really important for me, okay? I promise that you won't be disappointed. You've already promised me _so_ much, and you have my complete trust. So just let me do this for you and trust me when I say that this can wait a few hours," She spoke in a soothing tone and it set my soul on fire. It didn't help that she scooted her chair next to mine and began running her fingers through my hair. She smiled at me tenderly hoping that I would concede to her request. I can tell that she wants so badly to comfort me and have her way at the same time.

"Please," She whispered and leaned in, placing a reassuring kiss to my cheek before pouting; _clearly_ something she learned from Rachel.

_Ugh, fine._

But we are seriously talking about this later; I can't handle being away from you for that long. We need to figure something out, there has to be a way to make this work. If there isn't, I'll fucking _make_ one.

"You win," I roll my eyes and giggle before I turn and give her a full chaste kiss, making it quick in case Rachel or Kurt decide to pop out. Those words tasted like poison; I am so not used to submitting to _anyone_. "But since you have a surprise for me, you have to let me surprise you with a song tonight, deal?"

"Deal," She immediately smiles after her response and slides her chair back. She's clearly satisfied with herself; I can't exactly blame her, I mean, look at me. She bobs her head up and and I follow her gaze only to notice that Kurt has left his room.


End file.
